Sorry, I’ve Reach My Threshold!
Today I had my second run of case meeting with my hematologist, immunologist, obgyn & psychiatrist. This was a follow-up meeting that held to discuss about my “current” condition which seems like it has no end of story.
You know what? I was cried at that meeting. When my doctors offered me with their treatment option plan, I just couldn’t let myself to accept those option. After all this time, I was a very patience patient who patiently follow through all the treatments. I always say yes to each and every treatment they offer me. But only for now, I’ve reached my threshold. This is my limit and I couldn’t accept anything beyond my limits. No bargain.
I feel somewhat my doctors kind of a hyperexcited into my case. I know I am “unique”. And I can’t blame if my case make them on fire. But being an “unique” patient is one thing, and being a critical patient is another thing. I tell myself that start from now on, I will show my attitude. If I feel that I’m not pleased with the treatment option they offer to me, then I will say no. Explicitly. I deserve to choose what kind of treatment I am willing to do, without sacrifing myself.
Don’t get me wrong... I’m not angry with my doctors. I trust them with all of my heart. I don’t mean to be difficult. I just want being bolder with my decision. And I’m not giving up. I only choose another pathway. I also still deserve all the credit in the world for my strength, positivity, determination, and resilience in battling my illness. Because I’m warrior.
“The strongest people are not those who show strength in front of us, but those who win the battles without we know nothing about”
Notes : we’ll have another case meeting next month, until they feel I stable enough without their intensive monitoring.
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