Today I had my second run of case meeting with my hematologist, immunologist, obgyn & psychiatrist. This was a follow-up meeting that held to discuss about my “current” condition which seems like it has no end of story.
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You know what? I was cried at that meeting. When my doctors offered me with their treatment option plan, I just couldn’t let myself to accept those option. After all this time, I was a very patience patient who patiently follow through all the treatments. I always say yes to each and every treatment they offer me. But only for now, I’ve reached my threshold. This is my limit and I couldn’t accept anything beyond my limits. No bargain.
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I feel somewhat my doctors kind of a hyperexcited into my case. I know I am “unique”. And I can’t blame if my case make them on fire. But being an “unique” patient is one thing, and being a critical patient is another thing. I tell myself that start from now on, I will show my attitude. If I feel that I’m not pleased with the treatment option they offer to me, then I will say no. Explicitly. I deserve to choose what kind of treatment I am willing to do, without sacrifing myself.
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Don’t get me wrong... I’m not angry with my doctors. I trust them with all of my heart. I don’t mean to be difficult. I just want being bolder with my decision. And I’m not giving up. I only choose another pathway. I also still deserve all the credit in the world for my strength, positivity, determination, and resilience in battling my illness. Because I’m warrior.
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“The strongest people are not those who show strength in front of us, but those who win the battles without we know nothing about”
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Notes : we’ll have another case meeting next month, until they feel I stable enough without their intensive monitoring.
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