Invisible Illness

Advise on not feeling ashamed about your disability when disclosing it?
I think i overcompensate by minimising narcolepsy's effects on me and by trying to over prove myself. #MentalHealth #Narcolepsy #InvisibleIllness

Hi, my name is TallyHo. I'm here because I’ve been diagnosed with fibromyalgia today and I didn’t know anything about it! I thought I was crazy, I’ve mistrusted myself and my body. Blamed myself for not taking better care of my health. Shame for quitting my job as a hairstylist because I couldn’t handle the pain, because I thought maybe I’m just so mentally and physically weak.
Today I’m starting my journey to forgiveness and change. I have to forgive myself for not continuing my career or being too tired and sore to go out or clean sometimes. I will continue to make adjustments and positive stress-reducing changes to improve my quality of life.
I can give it a name now and learn to accept a life with fibromyalgia, whatever my version of that will be.
#InvisibleIllness #Fibromyalgia #Anxiety #Depression

I have been fighting for disability for over five years. *This* time, this case, has been going since 2019 . Years of AGONIZING emotional and physical pain, turmoil, distress. I cannot work. I can barely function. My body is degenerating. My spine is literally crumbling. I have had surgery after surgery after surgery. Some successful, some awful. I. Am suffering. My mental state has become nothing short of a basket case. I live with some days uncontrollable anxiety, depression, trauma, PTSD, ocd, chronic pain, arthritis, scoliosis, debilitating pain… I’ve been fighting. SO long. I’ve been fighting SO hard.

I have lawyers. Granted, I’ve been doing more work than them to see through this disability case. To ensure the state has all the paperwork they need. To call and make sure the state has been updated. I am SO burnt out with medical fatigue. It literally never ends. My life has become something of a disassociated Truman Show of physical therapy, emotional therapy, surgeries, and pain management. I have been audited by the state and by the feds- YES the feds. My case has been with QA- quality assurance, for MONTHS. They had to make sure I’m actually sick, because you know, to them I’m clearly not.

I am SO TIRED. My mind, body, and soul. I found out today, after YEARS of fighting and being sliced open and poked and probed- which isn’t going to end anytime soon- that I was DENIED. I was fucking denied.

Dare I say it’s because of my age, my education level? There’s no doubt in my mind. Because last time I applied for disability, my case manager literally dropped my case because of those reasons. I understand I’m young, 29F, I understand I worked my ass off and obtained my Bachelors. I was disabled then. I am disabled now. I have proof. I have paper trails.

My spine is crumbling beneath me. My mental state is getting worse everyday. And I can’t take it anymore. I’m truly hoping these lawyers pull their weight and work their asses off with appealing my case. I don’t know how much fight I have left. Im just numb right now. Always invisible. Thanks for the broken system, America. You continue to disappoint me. I’m trying to be grateful. I’m trying to practice mindfulness, but honestly, I’m losing hope.

*My 8 year old self would tell me that yellow is still my color. 💛💛💛

*That I can still rock a 👙

* I can take all the rocks home that I like.

What about you?😂🤓🏝☀️

#Fibromyalgia #InvisibleIllness #ChronicPain #Healing #Grief