Ever since I was 4-years-old I have struggled with depression (suicidal). This has been a 44-year plus journey, seeing that I am 47, going on 48.
At first, the best that I can recall, the depression came in waves, about once a month. It may have been more or less frequent, as it is hard to recall all of the details. At this point, the depression seems to come about every other week, and last 2 to 3 days.
Since the mid 1980s, (my mid-teens) I have had a Pituitary Gland Tumor.. Since at least the late 1990s this has been creating many hormone imbalances, and other health problems, including weekly day-long migraines, and helping to fuel the depression.
Also, I have made 2 suicide attempts, the first one in the early 1990s, and the second one in the late 1990s. Both times the Lord had interviened.
I was raised in Church, (Roman Catholic) growing up, and Protestant since the late 1990s.
Although, I wish I could say I heard from the Lord. To me, the Lord seems silent. I have had many people at various churches tell me that if I want to hear from the Lord, I just need to read the Bible. And that if I want to hear from the Lord audibly, to read the Bible out loud.
This, to me, does not seem to make much sense, seeing that there are many “missionaries” who say they were told by the Lord to go to specific countries in South America, China, States and Regions in the United States.
Since these are not mentioned in the Bible, reading the Bible can not be how they heard from the Lord as to where to go.
I, however, keep getting some kind of sense that the Lord has me here for some purpose, that I still do not fully understand. And that the Lord does not intend for any of us to kill ourselves. In John 17 the Lord prayed for the Father to leave us in the world, but to keep us from the evil. Also, my 2 “life verses” are Paul’s passages, where he talks about how he would rather depart, and be with the Lord (suicidal), but realized that as long as he was here, the Lord had work for him here.
1 Kings 19 tells of one of Elijah’s depression episodes, where Elijah got suicidal, too.
The Lord even seems to have been impressing upon me, especially within the last year and a half, after hearing of others with depression and suicidal thoughts and attempts, and how they have started doing ministry work.
The Lord seems to remind me of the Bible verses, where we go through struggles, so we can help others.
So, I have started wondering if the Lord is trying to lead me to do some kind of counseling ministry.
But, I really still do not hear clearly from the Lord, unless, maybe I do not know how to listen to the Lord, like Samuel in 1 Samuel.
So, if the Lord opens doors, I have thought about pursuing counseling classes.
During depression searches, the Lord led me to various web site articles, showing pastors and others, who are depressed, and pursued counseling degrees.
The Lord has used articles on this site, and many other sites and apps to help while battling depression.