mental

MY SOUL

Home is my body

Air is my breath

Emotions are my humanity.

My body cries out for relief

My breath is strained

My humanity wants rest

MY SOUL CRIESS OUT FOR MERCY...

It wants to go home to HEAVEN

How long the wait?

Whisper Lady

#Depression #chronic pain #Anxiety #Suicide thoughts #mental health

So, here in the UK the kids have been off school for a 2 week break…. About 3 weeks AFTER they’d already had the half term break as Easter came early this year.

Just wondering if there are any other parents on here who reach the point of screaming internally when your day is literally “wake up, clean up, food for kids, make beds, put wash on, take wash out, make more bloody food, wash up again, put dry washing away… Aaaaand keep repeating” 😱😱

I’m bloody exhausted mentally & physically and currently trying to deal with a c-spine that doesn’t want to play ball, crazy muscle pains from scar tissue build up alongside menopause (thank god for HRT!), fibro, thyroid issues, pots, you name it, each year the list gets longer!! I suppose I’m ranting here but it pees me off when it only seems to be me who is capable of seeing that bins are overflowing, or making food, or wiping the bathroom around after use. Child 1 works from home, child 2 is 10 & starting high school in September. DH works from home and is currently in a UC flare up.

I’d started a diploma in diet & nutrition with biochemistry before the break as I need something just for me. I’ve asked numerous times for help with the house - specifically, you mess it up, you clean it up & ask the 10yr old to just keep her room tidy and clean it once a week. Same with the eldest & asked hubby to help with the heavy lifting…… Today I just get back from visiting my mum who has Lewy Body Dementia and is in a care home, to find that washing is still wet in the machine, 10yr old hasn’t actually moved anything to clean her room and the bathroom and kitchen bins are full. Literally screaming inside as I make the beds (had to do those as our elderly cat likes to sleep on them and isn’t always the cleanest bless her), wash up, empty bins and start prepping for dinner.

When I ask 10yr old if she can wash up and then finish her bedroom, I get the grumps and tears reaction!! Go to tumble drier only to find the lint trap is full and so is the condenser unit. I’m the unreasonable one for complaining that I’m the only person to check and clean between washes.

I am soooo bored and so painfully aware that my life is existing and I don’t want to reach my 70s and end up in a care home like my mum. I’m aware that as I reach my very late 40s my life is getting harder pain wise but also it’s slipping away from me. I miss my career, my social life and my health…. I want to scream “STOP I want to get off!” but I know I’m blessed to be a stay at home mum, even if it was the curve ball of ill health that made it possible. If you’ve made it this far in my rant, I apologise, I can’t say anything at home as I feel ungrateful as when I am off my legs Hubby does step up but it’s never the same and as soon as I’m up again, it’s going over everything that’s missed. Anyone else feel this mixture of anger, frustration, guilt & loss???? #EDS #Fibro #mental health #Guilt

Just a quick update. I'm going to take myself on a trip tomorrow. The plan is to not sabotage it by suddenly cancelling my transportation.
Also need a relatively relaxed journey.
Hopefully I can go ahead with other plans too without triggering strong feelings.
Every day isn't good but something good I everyday. ( it's family again. ) I always get triggered and need time to recover. Good Night mighties. Late here in the UK.
#Depression #Anxiety #CPTSD #mental health

I’m almost 64 yrs and have had many life experiences with people. I worked as a Program Director with a YMCA, Truck Driver, Jail Staff, Armed Security. Over the years mentioning my depression, and anxiety led to isolation. This winter my symptoms digressed after a trigger event where my medical equipment failed. Being on social security means resources are limited to purchase a new CPAP machine. The previous supplier stalled on supplying me a new unit. This back and forth exchange exacerbated my anxiety causing me to verbally lash out.
I’ve been isolated in my church after 44 years where I’m not invited to other functions, coffee, dinner. Leadership with minister, and elders never visited.
It dawned upon me, “Maybe telling others about health issues is the issue here.” I realize others get busy but after 44 years the holidays were especially lonely. I have no family, my daughter is estranged and no other family to associate with. Friends are limited, money is short left me feeling raw. It explains my “trigger event” I’m guessing.?
I had to go to the ER for a panic attack around the first part of February. I did have a Remote Video Visit with a wonderful Psychiatrist. He updated my depression, anxiety to now include; ADHD, PTSD, Bipolar. I’m doing ok. I have a follow-up appointment coming up soon with a Mental Health Nurse Practioner. Hoping to update my meds to get a better baseline and handle on “trigger events.” I did do a DNA Test with GENESIGHT. They use a patient’s DNA to match prescriptions to a diagnosis. Coupled with a health professional it should lead to a better outcome.
I struggle saying too much to some regarding my mental health for fear of isolation, I’m not rude, brash but rather pleasant with a sense of humor. It’s when stress and some events get to me.
How do you handle your diagnosis with those you are close to? Do you minimize an actual explanation? Curious.
Thank you for reading.
#Bipolar #mental health #PTSD #ADHD