Why is it you can have 5 good days in a row, and then one thing sends you straight back to feeling so low and so alone, questioning everything and secretly crying in a corner. When does the cycle end? Will it ever end? Will i ever actually be happy for more than a few days at a time? When will I stop having to pretend? It feels like my whole life is going to be one big cycle of never knowing if im going to be ok
I try and exercise after I rise .be it a run or some simple HIIT exercises it just helps.prayer and meditation at breakfast follow... and then a snuggle from my baba after he wakes up. #MorningRoutine #PND #maternalmentalhealthmatters
That I can't keep my eyes open and rven talking is too much. That I feel unable to engage with others even closest ones like hood friends. That my brain seems have turned to mush and this leads to my beating myself up for the rest of the time which I would be better off using to enjoy being with my loved ones... #Depression #PND
#CheckInWithMe
Your wee one sleeps... you haven't had much rest but feel that you must stay up... just in case anything happens, you know? Silence around you resonates. That and the voices... 'you are not good enough... your baby's not well...'. In the fog you try to see beyond the tears, beyond the loneliness. And here it is... glimmers of light through the trees. After night brighter days await. You will get better. Just reach out. I will touch you. #PND #babiesrock #mumsmentalheathmatters
#52SmallThings 1) cooking. 2) telling stories (the good kind, about what I learnt or know, fibs! :) ). 3) listening #PND #Anxiety #mumslife
It like, having a broken arm…. everyday. Day in, day out, broken arm. It stops you from doing a lot of things, its constantly there, reminding you that its broken, you can’t get a break from it , day or night.
It makes you deathly tired, & yet it’s still there at night so you can’t even sleep, let alone get any chance to recover from it.
It is a constant.
When people ask you how you are, you smile & tell them you are fine because you don’t want to go looking like you’re seeking attention by bringing up your broken arm all the time, even though it affects everything you do & who you are. And for people who do know about it, you also stop talking about it, because after a while, people get sick of hearing replies to ‘How was your day?’ with things like ‘Well, my arm is still broken’ or ‘Its still hurting & there is so much I can’t do’ or ‘ I could really use a break from my broken arm’.
It’s not that these people are bad people in any way, it’s just that it’s natural to get sick of hearing the same thing over & over again. So you learn not to talk about it.
It’s easier to say you’re fine.
When you DO happen to touch on the subject of this broken arm, you slowly get met with more & more pushback…
Things like “It’s ok it will get better eventually’
or “Why don’t you try doing something different to get your mind off of it?” To which they continually suggest something that any person with a broken arm knows would completely exacerbate the broken arm itself…. things like “Why don’t you just go out for the afternoon?” or “ You know I’ve heard exercise is meant to make you feel better” or “Why don’t you add even more to your plate & take on something else to try & make you happy & forget about your broken arm?” … Like doing something else will magically heal it.
And there are changes in those closest to you, the ones who know it is there all the time. A change that, when you even get close to mentioning something about the pain or the brokenness or what it’s stopping you from doing…. they slowly transition into setting up this automatic reply. One they don’t even know they are doing.
It’s this mentality of automatically steering the conversation away from anything negative, like you shouldn’t be thinking that way, or that if something about the broken arm is looming, they will try to steer you away from thinking about it or mentioning it, like its the wrong thing to do.
Like you aren’t allowed to have those feelings anymore.
Like it's wrong to be feeling that way.
Like its a CHOICE to have a broken arm.
Again, it’s not that these people are bad in any way, it’s just that it’s natural for them to get sick of hearing about it, & there is frustration at their end of hearing about it all the time.
So the support you once probably had in a small part in the beginning, has now subconsciously steered towards diversion & unknowingly being told not to think that way anymore. It's like it's a choice, when it's not...it's life.
#Tryingtocope
I’ve had major depressive disorder since my first child was born 8 years ago. My youngest is 2. I have 3 kids. It’s all just too much and I feel like quitting my job but my job isn’t the problem but it I just another thing I have I to do.
#CheckInWithMe ... when I don't want to talk (yes me who would talk to a lamp post...) very much... and when I would just like to cuddle my boy... he is a boisterous boy so sometimes he is not too keen on cuddles but often he just gets it, that mama needs some TLC... #PND #Anxiety
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