I am a 43 year old married woman with two sons, and I
usually write about my life with a #RareDisease and a #Disability, but this
article is about how superheroes saved my life when I had postpartum
#Depression.
Ok so that first statement was a little dramatic, but
superheroes and comic books helped me to maintain a sense of normalcy and
provided me with some escape from the depression. But first let me say that I
did have real heroes in my life at that time; I had a wonderful therapist,
Social Workers that facilitated my partial hospitalization group, as well as my
support network of family and friends.
After the birth of my second child I experienced a serious
bout of postpartum depression. I was unable to work for almost 3 years, I was
unable to care for myself and most of the time was unable or not interested in
taking care of my children. I couldn’t sleep or slept too much, I couldn’t eat
or ate too much. I experienced suicidal ideation and sometimes just wished that
I did not exist. I am a Social Worker, so while it was difficult at times to
say the least, I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have seen
people get better with the help of qualified, dedicated #MentalHealth
professionals, but I knew it would require a lot of hard work on my part. As a
result, I did anything and everything my therapist and psychiatrist asked me to
do, even a few things that my family and I didn’t agree with. During this time
I was trying to maintain some sense of normalcy in my life and to engage in
activities that I enjoyed, even though it was extremely difficult at times. As
much as I had enjoyed socializing with my friends and family, and getting my
nails done, I no longer had the desire to do these things. I no longer wanted
to do activities that required me to leave my house, I didn’t want to make
small talk with people and I didn’t want to lie to my family and friends when
they asked me how I was doing. So I went back to something I had always loved,
reading.
I had a few books that I had been wanting to read so I
thought now was a good time, I wasn’t working and only left the house to go to
my partial hospitalization group, so I had lots of time. However, I quickly
found that my desire to read would be much harder than I had anticipated. I
would find myself reading the same sentence or paragraph over and over again.
After 20 minutes of reading I would find that I was stuck in the same
paragraph, and I couldn’t retain or remember what I had read. At first I just
thought that I wasn’t interested in the book that I had chosen, so I tried
reading something different, only to find that it didn’t matter what I read, I
always found myself reading the same paragraph over and over again. I was
frustrated and worried that I would never get my mind back.
It was about this time that the first Marvel superhero
movie, Iron Man was released in theaters. While I grew up watching superhero
cartoons on Saturday mornings, I was not particularly excited about this movie.
I didn’t see Iron Man in the theater, but once I finally saw it I was hooked,
and saw all of the movies that followed. I suggested to my husband that I
wanted to try reading comic books, just so I would be able to read something. I
think my husband was more excited about this idea then I was. My husband has
read comic books for as long as I have known him, so now he had an excuse to go
to the comic book store. I started reading Ms. Marvel now known as Captain
Marvel (she is my favorite) and branched out from there. I know comic books are
not the Analects of Confucius or The Prince (both of which I have read), but comic
books are short; the text bubbles are short and to the point and the pictures
made it easier for me to follow the story line. It was a small step, but all of
a sudden I was able to read again and retain the information. As silly as it
may sound these comic books made a small part of my life seem normal again,
they gave me back some of my confidence and gave me some hope that my mind and
brain could heal.
I began to look forward to my trips to the comic book store,
and enjoyed discussing story lines with the man that owned the store. For the
first time in a while I was able to engage in small talk with someone and not
feel like it was forced. For the first time in a while I was able to engage in
an activity outside of my home that I actually enjoyed.
Something that seemed so minor at the time is still helping
me to cope today. I am happy to say that I no longer suffer from postpartum
depression thanks to the wonderful mental health professionals in my corner,
however as a rare disease patient, I still struggle with anxiety and depression
from time to time, and I still enjoy reading comic books. I receive a biweekly
infusion to treatment my #PompeDisease, and I like to think of it as superhero
infusion, kind of like Captain America. The idea of a regular person overcoming
terrible odds to become something more than they thought they could be is why I
love comic books and superhero stories. At my lowest point when I was
depressed, I was convinced that my life had no value, that I would never be
happy again and that I would never be back to myself prior to postpartum
depression. Now I like to think I have my own superhero story as a person
recovered from postpartum depression. Now I just need an awesome superhero name.