Safetyplan

Today, is another day, thank goodness! I have been going through a period of major life transition coupled with extreme external and internal stressors. Yesterday, after a medical appointment, I was interacting with one of my family members, when I allowed a minor annoyance, to trigger me over the edge. I totally flipped a switch inside of me, where I no longer could access all of my coping skills I had learned and practiced from therapy. I left my place, in a rage! I don’t have transportation, and I was in flight mode. I wanted to get as far away from where I was as possible. I didn’t know how to do that, and all I could think is, “I need to get out of here!” So when I got to the highway near my house, I went right out into a 55mph speed zone, stepped in front of a car, forcing it to stop, then started toward the driver door. The car did an evasive manure off the side of the road and sped off. Within the next five minutes, I had no sense of reality. I turned around and stepped in front of a truck coming the other way, who was obviously afraid to stop and almost hit me before swearving around. Thren I was in the middle between two trucks that eluded my motions towards them. This rampage of mine ladted only about five minutes, but it shook me up tremendously. I don’t know how I csn practice, practice, practice… exactly for a triggered moment like this, yet when the moment comes, be totally unable to even have the awareness to realize that I am acting out a behavior that is totally, completely, insanely, illegally, everything about it WRONG! And in thst moment, I had no clue at all that I was acting out, doing something wrong, doing something dangerous, doing something illegal, doing something that could end my life or cause snd accident and injure someone else!! NONE OF THIS EVER EVEN ENTERED MY MIND!!!!
I am so grateful I am alive! I talked to my psychologist today, and we brainstormed how to help prevent this from happening in the future. I have a long history of impulse actions of similar magnitude. I am writing this for myself to cement it in my brain, that I cannot afford this to happen anymore. I need to put my self care plan in effect BEFORE I become overwhelmed. Take a vacation day. A self care dsy. And do not engage anyone or involve myself in any approach behaviors until at least the next day and only then if I am out of overwhelm. My Dr said we can’t stop me, once I’m triggered, so I must be vigilant of warning signs and take measures to reduce overwhelm before I could possibly be triggered while in that state. #triggeredstate #Safetyplan #impulsivebehavior #losttouchwithreality #Riskybehavior

Over the past few years, counselors and psychologists have given me various templates for a ‘Mental safety plan’ that I’ve filled in over and over. A safety plan is predominantly for those who self harm or have suicidal thoughts, however many others with mental illnesses can benefit from them. It helps guide you through difficult mental breakdowns that you don’t feel in control of. Kinda a cheat sheet to calming you down.

All you have to do is fill in the questions with what helps you and use it when you’re feeling rather low and potentially have harmful thoughts. One benefit of having a safety plan is that others can also use it to help you. My partner knows about my plan and can remind me of it when having a mental breakdown. Additionally, your GP, counselor and hotline contacts can also use this to help you.

If you think you’ll struggle to fill this in honestly and openly, have someone help you. It could be someone you live with, your GP or counselor, anyone. One of the ways I was first introduced to a safety plan was through calling Papyrus Hopeline (UK suicide hotline) and they were able to go through it all with me with great suggestions. If you’re not able to complete it alone, they’re a great organization to call.

But remember, this is to help you. Take your time and implement what’s important to you. Don’t just copy someone else’s or only take in others opinions. Work them out for yourself as well. It may take you a few tries, or take a few days to get right. But you can do it.
Leave me a comment if you have any suggestions to any of the questions that you feel could help others. Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter and Instagram for more updates and thank you for reading.

www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/SafetyPlan.pdf (from getselfhelp.co.uk)

#MentalHealth #MentalIllness #Depression #Anxiety #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Safetyplan