screwit

I don’t usually actually post on here. I am crazy.
By every definition. I’m obsessed with being perfect and good hearted and stuff. I probably should be a scary person. But I’m not. I turn everything inward. I’m usually just afraid of myself......

Everyone says I’m pretty awesome. I wish I knew that for myself.
I’m trying really hard. Having one of my “normal me would not be able to handle this” and there’s so much pressure, right now
I’m actually in therapy. And it’s new. And uh. I think it’s helping. But it’s shocking that I’m even functioning..... and just trying to cope right now. All right let me try out some hashtags here. #HatesLaundry #DSDP . (DifferentDayDifferentPerson). #SelfdeprecationHumorIsTherapy #PrettySureImStillOk (why aren’t any of these hashtags popping up as used before? Social media is so confusing these days. ) #NeedsSunshine #AnxietyFeelsLike #screwit #MySurroundingsReflectMyStateOfBeing . Nope. Not good at hashtags yet. Time to go clean something. I have a small burst of energy and pain relief hitting. Took my prn Meds today. Time to push through and do what I can. Till I can’t. Won’t take long.
Oh gosh. Am I really gonna publish this public? Sure.
Okay. Fine. Post it. Maybe delete it later. But stop being afraid right?
..... 🤨

Maybe its the lock down beginning to get to me, but I seriously am looking forward to the apocolypse because I am fed up of feeling guilty about having an unclean house!! When the apocolypse comes, my dusty, dirty house will be the same as everyone elses!!

I work part time, but am classed as a casual person so I have no income. I have had to get another temporary job, which I have to work more hours for less money. Working with fibro can be hard any time, but now I am in a care home doing unit hosting and it is really draining me. Yet every day I come home and I am so knackered I cant face cleaning; so today after 5 days on, on my first day off I am pushing myself to clean as much as I can because I feel guilty.

My OH is supportive, but he doesn't really help, so it all falls on my shoulders. We have a German Shepherd as well, (short haired thankfully!!) which adds to the "dirtyness" and all I ever do is look at the mess and feel so guilty!! Is it just me?

#Fibromyalgia #Anxiety #mentalhealth #Depression #Guilt #Cleaning #notcleaning #tired #screwit