tired

It's a cold, gloomy day, we ran out of coffee, and I'm taking a medication that causes drowsiness.

I'm so tired and today is just not a good day for all the drowsiness - I have stuff to do! I gotta stay awake, get stuff done, but my body is refusing. I hate being so tired.

I figure I can give up and nap or give in and have an energy drink. We're having our belated family Christmas at my mom's this weekend and I *still* haven't finished wrapping things. Looks like I better go find a Aldi-brand Red Bull and make the best of it.

#BipolarDepression #tired #BipolarDisorder

A lot happened last year which has leas to me being back living with my parents which as a 27yr old is not fantastic. I've been back 6 months and It won't take long for me and the other half to find a place. However the other half is currently trying to look for work and he has a lot going on mentally which I'm always very understanding and supportive. He is suppose to be staying with his nan until we find a place but he has been here with me most of the time. Now I love him and I adore spending my time with him but what I'm struggling with right now is the fact my parents house holds a lot of trauma for me so I'm trying to keep myself together mentally and I don't really have an escape from this house and I don't feel I can go anywhere especially while the other half is here. Its also affecting me trying to get into healthier habits. It's not that he doesn't want to go and sort himself with a job etc him being here for so long has been somewhat out of his control with trainstrikes and also illness etc but it's just a lot for me trying to keep myself as well as trying to be there for him and also working #tired #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BPDDiagnosis #Y  #BPD

I'm tired of people. I'm tired that people are not effective nor serve any purpose in my life. I'm tired of meeting people's expectation when they even don't fit my own. I'm really getting sick of people. #tired

I'm tired of people. I'm tired that people are not effective nor serve any purpose in my life. I'm tired of meeting people's expectation when they even don't fit my own. I'm tired of work and the workplace I'm tired trying to do everything right at work and it's never enough. I'm tired of my colleagues and their point of views. I'm tired of trying to be someone I'm not. I'm tired and I want disappear. I'm tired but I don't wanna die. I'm tired of being tired. Just tired. #tired

Feel free to ignore, just need to get this out...

I'm tired. Exhausted. All the time. I'm tired of insomnia and restless nights. I'm tired of nightmares and flashbacks. Tired of racing thoughts swirling through my mind every second of every day. Tired of anxiety and panic attacks. Tired of depression and dissociating 90% of the time. I'm tired of being tired. I try to focus on the good in my life, but I feel like the bad far outweighs the good regardless of the balancing act I try to play. While I know I'm not where I used to be, I'm not where I want to be. Even when I have moments where I have the mental, physical and emotional capability to do what I need to do to get to where I want to be, it never lasts long and I take 1 step forward just to take 50 steps back. It's true what they say, we are our own worst enemy. I am my own worst enemy, this I know to be true. I feel like I am stuck in my head so often that it makes me feel like I'm stuck in life. There are too many moments where I wish I didn't exist. At the very least, I wish I could disappear and not have to exist, not have to answer to anyone or anything, and could just rewire my brain so I could function like a "normal" human being, whatever that is. I'm just tired. I'm tired and want to disappear for a while. #PersonalGrowth #Anxiety #Depression #tired #exhausted #Insomnia #PanicAttacks #Disappear

I am 24 years old. I have had depression most of my life. It really became severe when my mom passed away earlier this year. She died expectedly two months before my wedding. I hadn’t seen her in almost 3 years. Last time was summer 2019. I was supposed to visit in 2020 but COVID happened. She also had cancer at the time so my whole family was very cautious about social distancing from her until doctors said she no longer has cancer. I was so happy to hear that but then a week later she died from something else and it broke me completely. I have since been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder as well. My anger is sometimes uncontrollable. I unintentionally get mad for dumb reasons and my husband tries so hard to make me happy. I also am unemployed and looking for work since a year of graduating masters.
I am very depressed now and feel useless like I have no purpose. I wanted to get a dog but my past experience scarred me. We had gotten one a few weeks after my mom passed and honeslty it was a mistake because I couldn’t even get out of bed to care for it. My husband would go to work and only be home in the evenings. We surrendered the dog back to the shelter we adopted it from. I felt so guilty (still do) but it is a no kill shelter and he got adopted again within a few weeks.
Now that I have been able to get out of bed for the last couple of months I have been trying to adopt another dog. I have taken care of my in laws dogs for a while in between to help them out and my husband said I was really happy when we had the dog around. I am wanting to adopt again but will do so after traveling. Thing is, it has been hard finding the right dog. My husband doesn’t want a high energy dog or puppy.
I was also thinking of traveling locally to maybe Colorado or somewhere to get some peace of mind and escape the everyday life where I hardly leave the house.
I just don’t know what to do anymore. I just don’t want to feel this way. Any advice will help. Thank you for reading
#BipolarDepression #Depression #tired