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    Not cleaning my apartment is keeping me alive #SuicidalIdeation

    A few weeks ago, I shared with my therapist that I was feeling a lot of shame about the state of my apartment. If I'm doing well, I clean the bathroom once a month. I am usually somewhat tidy in the kitchen. The rest of the apartment is a mess. My landlords don't provide recycling facilities and I can't bring myself to put my recycling items in the garbage so they just pile up. I have bags of non-perishable groceries sitting in the middle of the entryway from three weeks ago because I just haven't cared to put them away.
    So as I cried about how ashamed I was about my apartment in my therapist's office, she asked if having a messy apartment was helping me in any way. Frankly, I thought that was a stupid question and told her that of course it wasn't.
    However, I had the realization a few days ago that it is actually something that a part of me is doing to keep me from ending my life. I would feel so terrible for someone to have to clean up my apartment after I was gone. By keeping it dirty and messy, I am also keeping myself alive.
    I definitely have a significant battle between the part of me that feels ashamed in the present and the protective part of me that is stopping me from cleaning up, but it is really good to know that it might actually be a good thing to have a dirty apartment.

    #tenant #apartment #home #Cleaning #SuicidalIdeation #MentalHealth #Therapy #Depression #Anxiety #CPTSD #Shame

    6 people are talking about this
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    Could use some support

    Dealing with anxiety attacks. Off of work 2 more weeks due to anxiety making me physically sick and exhausted. I don’t know if I can handle going back to work. I’ve been doing my job for 3 years no problem, but this year is taking its toll on me. It’s got me very stressed out. I clean a school, but with COVID I have to clean extra good. Disinfecting everything. I have to finish a classroom in a certain amount of time so I don’t get behind. Anyone have advice or relate? #Anxiety #AnxietyAttack #COVID19 #Cleaning

    6 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    What’s your favorite cleaning “hack”?

    <p>What’s your favorite cleaning “hack”?</p>
    22 people are talking about this
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    Cleaned the house today...

    ...and it feels so good. I had begun to believe I wouldn’t ever be able to do so again because of the severe depression and anxiety I have been dealing with the last several months. I pray this is the beginning of me coming out of this very difficult season of my life. Maybe the Lamictal is starting to really work, but I also can’t discount the hard, often gut-wrenching work I’ve put into getting better.

    #Depression #Anxiety #Cleaning #Recovery

    2 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    True or false: “I find cleaning to be a relaxing activity.” #52SmallThings

    <p>True or false: “I find cleaning to be a relaxing activity.” <a class="tm-topic-link mighty-topic" title="#52SmallThings: A Weekly Self-Care Challenge" href="/topic/52-small-things/" data-id="5c01a326d148bc9a5d4aefd9" data-name="#52SmallThings: A Weekly Self-Care Challenge" aria-label="hashtag #52SmallThings: A Weekly Self-Care Challenge">#52SmallThings</a> </p>
    70 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    What are your favorite cleaning “hacks”? #52SmallThings

    <p>What are your favorite cleaning “hacks”? <a class="tm-topic-link mighty-topic" title="#52SmallThings: A Weekly Self-Care Challenge" href="/topic/52-small-things/" data-id="5c01a326d148bc9a5d4aefd9" data-name="#52SmallThings: A Weekly Self-Care Challenge" aria-label="hashtag #52SmallThings: A Weekly Self-Care Challenge">#52SmallThings</a> </p>
    38 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    What part of your living space can you focus on cleaning today? #52SmallThings

    <p>What part of your living space can you focus on cleaning today? <a class="tm-topic-link mighty-topic" title="#52SmallThings: A Weekly Self-Care Challenge" href="/topic/52-small-things/" data-id="5c01a326d148bc9a5d4aefd9" data-name="#52SmallThings: A Weekly Self-Care Challenge" aria-label="hashtag #52SmallThings: A Weekly Self-Care Challenge">#52SmallThings</a> </p>
    21 people are talking about this