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    Not cleaning my apartment is keeping me alive #SuicidalIdeation

    A few weeks ago, I shared with my therapist that I was feeling a lot of shame about the state of my apartment. If I'm doing well, I clean the bathroom once a month. I am usually somewhat tidy in the kitchen. The rest of the apartment is a mess. My landlords don't provide recycling facilities and I can't bring myself to put my recycling items in the garbage so they just pile up. I have bags of non-perishable groceries sitting in the middle of the entryway from three weeks ago because I just haven't cared to put them away.
    So as I cried about how ashamed I was about my apartment in my therapist's office, she asked if having a messy apartment was helping me in any way. Frankly, I thought that was a stupid question and told her that of course it wasn't.
    However, I had the realization a few days ago that it is actually something that a part of me is doing to keep me from ending my life. I would feel so terrible for someone to have to clean up my apartment after I was gone. By keeping it dirty and messy, I am also keeping myself alive.
    I definitely have a significant battle between the part of me that feels ashamed in the present and the protective part of me that is stopping me from cleaning up, but it is really good to know that it might actually be a good thing to have a dirty apartment.

    #tenant #apartment #home #Cleaning #SuicidalIdeation #MentalHealth #Therapy #Depression #Anxiety #CPTSD #Shame



    Thought I'd start the day off with decluttering my house ready for new furniture and other furniture being moved around after having a bad night.. Over did it, 🙄 now I have a banging headache and pulled my back lifting the bed too many times.. #Depression #MentalHealth #deClutter #messfree #Headache #Cleaning #Overdidit #tired

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    My Tiny Kitchen #nourishmentbistro #Cleaning #Anxiety #DistractMe

    I have been very ill of late, and not eating healthfully on top of it. My kitchen became, in a word, filthy, and I was deeply discouraged to even step into the space. Dirty dishes stacked in every empty space, my precious new blender used twice & left uncleaned, food & spices and spills everywhere.

    Yesterday I had the energy to remedy all of that.
    I washed the dishes.
    Washed my blender.
    Sanitized my counters.
    Mopped my floor.
    And put everything in its proper place.

    And I know I need to do this daily so I can keep this vital space in my home functioning.
    Because for me, Food is Medicine. I can't heal (or at least have less pain or feel good) if I can't access my blender, or the healthy ingredients I have for recipes that are stocked in my cabinets, fridge, and freezer.

    I also need to work through my growing fear of going to the grocery store with my therapist. More often than not, I will make plans to shop, then cancel them.
    If I don't regularly shop for fresh produce, or spices, or whatever I need for my staples and new recipes, I am sabotaging my health.

    Here's to a New Beginning!😀


    Could use some support

    Dealing with anxiety attacks. Off of work 2 more weeks due to anxiety making me physically sick and exhausted. I don’t know if I can handle going back to work. I’ve been doing my job for 3 years no problem, but this year is taking its toll on me. It’s got me very stressed out. I clean a school, but with COVID I have to clean extra good. Disinfecting everything. I have to finish a classroom in a certain amount of time so I don’t get behind. Anyone have advice or relate? #Anxiety #AnxietyAttack #COVID19 #Cleaning

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    What’s your favorite cleaning “hack”?

    Whether it makes cleaning with your health condition or disability a lot easier or it’s a time saver on days where you’re always playing catch-up, share your go-to cleaning “hack” in the comments below! You never know, your tip may help out a fellow Mighty.

    #MentalHealth #ChronicIllness #RareDisease #Disability #Parenting #Anxiety #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Depression #BipolarDisorder #Trauma #PTSD #AutoimmuneDisease #Migraine #ChronicPain #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #Fibromyalgia #Autism #Selfcare #Hacks #Cleaning #shortcuts #CheckInWithMe #DistractMe

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    I’m meeting my cleaning goals! #executivedysfunction #executivefunctioning #ADHD #Autism #ObsessiveCompulsiveandRelatedDisorders #Cleaning

    I’m #makingprogess towards my goal of having a clean apartment. This has been an uphill struggle for me. But I make myself do dishes and scoop the cat litter five days a week no matter how tired I feel. Many times it’s hard to remember what was so difficult about it. But some days it’s still a struggle. I use the app unf*** your habitat, and it gives me motivation like “You can nap when you’re done “ or “It’s never as difficult as it seems “. Tonight it was difficult to get motivated. I’d been feeling blah all day, and I was/am sleepy because I didn’t take a nap. But I knew I was so close to having a score of 100%, so I pushed myself. And it really wasn’t too bad. The two days a week I give myself off from cleaning are to account for when I have really bad days or just no energy. And I’d already used them up for this week.

    I posted about this before when I was at about 80%. But here I am. Succeeding. My next habit to work on will be picking up clutter, and I’m currently around 65% for that.


    Cleaned the house today...

    ...and it feels so good. I had begun to believe I wouldn’t ever be able to do so again because of the severe depression and anxiety I have been dealing with the last several months. I pray this is the beginning of me coming out of this very difficult season of my life. Maybe the Lamictal is starting to really work, but I also can’t discount the hard, often gut-wrenching work I’ve put into getting better.

    #Depression #Anxiety #Cleaning #Recovery

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    True or false: “I find cleaning to be a relaxing activity.” #52SmallThings

    Do you find cleaning to be a relaxing activity? Or is it something that fills you with stress and overwhelms you? If it’s the latter, try breaking up your bigger cleaning tasks into smaller ones so they might feel less daunting. Let us know whether this statement is TRUE or FALSE for you in the comments below!

    #MentalHealth #ChronicIllness #Parenting #Disability #RareDisease #Anxiety #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BipolarDisorder #Depression #Trauma #PTSD #AutoimmuneDisease #Migraine #ChronicPain #Autism #Fibromyalgia #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #Selfcare #Cleaning #CheckInWithMe #DistractMe

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    What are your favorite cleaning “hacks”? #52SmallThings

    What are your tried-and-true tips and tricks for getting your space clean? Maybe you have a product that you absolutely swear by. Or maybe you have a technique that has worked for you to help you stay focused. Don’t let those cleaning secrets stay secrets! Share them in the comments below.

    #MentalHealth #ChronicIllness #RareDisease #Parenting #Disability #Anxiety #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BipolarDisorder #Depression #Trauma #PTSD #AutoimmuneDisease #ChronicPain #Migraine #ADHD #Autism #Fibromyalgia #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #Selfcare #Cleaning #Cleaninghacks #DistractMe #CheckInWithMe

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    What part of your living space can you focus on cleaning today? #52SmallThings

    Maybe you have some dishes you can bring to the sink from your bedroom. Or some laundry you need to put away. Whether you have five minutes, a half hour or two hours to budget for cleaning, what is something you can focus on today? Let us know!

    #MentalHealth #ChronicIllness #Parenting #Disability #RareDisease #Anxiety #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BipolarDisorder #Trauma #PTSD #Depression #AutoimmuneDisease #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #Fibromyalgia #Autism #Migraine #ChronicPain #Selfcare #Cleaning #CheckInWithMe #DistractMe