cleaning

Husband and I are having some family issues and it's caused a huge depressive episode for me and I just can't seem to pull myself out of it. It's an ongoing issue that doesn't look like it's going to be resolved anytime soon. I've dealth with depression on and off since my teens, so this is nothing new. I just haven't felt this low in years. I have absolutely zero energy and feel like I'm being physically weighed down which is making it feel worse. I tried to clean today and only swept and cleaned my windowsill. Husband and I always walk our dog in the morning and I asked him to come on another short one this afternoon. I managed it but I'm irritable and feel so low. Anyway I guess I'm just upset with how much I'm not doing. #Depression #Anxiety #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Cleaning #Fatigue

A few weeks ago, I shared with my therapist that I was feeling a lot of shame about the state of my apartment. If I'm doing well, I clean the bathroom once a month. I am usually somewhat tidy in the kitchen. The rest of the apartment is a mess. My landlords don't provide recycling facilities and I can't bring myself to put my recycling items in the garbage so they just pile up. I have bags of non-perishable groceries sitting in the middle of the entryway from three weeks ago because I just haven't cared to put them away.
So as I cried about how ashamed I was about my apartment in my therapist's office, she asked if having a messy apartment was helping me in any way. Frankly, I thought that was a stupid question and told her that of course it wasn't.
However, I had the realization a few days ago that it is actually something that a part of me is doing to keep me from ending my life. I would feel so terrible for someone to have to clean up my apartment after I was gone. By keeping it dirty and messy, I am also keeping myself alive.
I definitely have a significant battle between the part of me that feels ashamed in the present and the protective part of me that is stopping me from cleaning up, but it is really good to know that it might actually be a good thing to have a dirty apartment.

#tenant #apartment #home #Cleaning #SuicidalIdeation #MentalHealth #Therapy #Depression #Anxiety #CPTSD #Shame

Thought I'd start the day off with decluttering my house ready for new furniture and other furniture being moved around after having a bad night.. Over did it, 🙄 now I have a banging headache and pulled my back lifting the bed too many times.. #Depression #MentalHealth #deClutter #messfree #Headache #Cleaning #Overdidit #tired

Dealing with anxiety attacks. Off of work 2 more weeks due to anxiety making me physically sick and exhausted. I don’t know if I can handle going back to work. I’ve been doing my job for 3 years no problem, but this year is taking its toll on me. It’s got me very stressed out. I clean a school, but with COVID I have to clean extra good. Disinfecting everything. I have to finish a classroom in a certain amount of time so I don’t get behind. Anyone have advice or relate? #Anxiety #AnxietyAttack #COVID19 #Cleaning

...and it feels so good. I had begun to believe I wouldn’t ever be able to do so again because of the severe depression and anxiety I have been dealing with the last several months. I pray this is the beginning of me coming out of this very difficult season of my life. Maybe the Lamictal is starting to really work, but I also can’t discount the hard, often gut-wrenching work I’ve put into getting better.

#Depression #Anxiety #Cleaning #Recovery