Sia

It’s been raining most of the weekend in England. After a week spent in hospital, and 7 weeks from my first A&E trip for ‘concerning’ heart waves, my view is currently limited to my bedroom window. My “Room Without A View” as I’ve been calling it.

Rain actually makes me feel better mentally. I feel comforted when the world outside matches the bleakness of my insides. Where “muggles” dream of beach escapes, I hold in my heart a Walden worthy longing to escape to countryside cottages with wood burning stoves, mismatched mugs and cutlery, surrounded by woodlands and heaths. Give me the tumult of the Brontë sisters as opposed to suffocating heat any day.

All this preamble serves to bring me back to my original point; the rain. More specially I have had this song by the immensely talented Sia stuck in my head for days. The song is significant in it’s own right. But with a few tweaks, I think it is all the more meaningful to the chronically ill. I offer it up to you now in the hope that it helps to convey something of what our lived experience is like. And perhaps some of our shared fears about what life may not hold in stall for us all.

I hope you enjoy it. I send with it gentle hugs, comforting light, and quaint little spoons ✨

World, I want to be better

I want my life to matter

I am afraid I have no purpose here

I watch the news on TV

I am abandoned daily

I am afraid you don’t see the real me

And the rain it falls, rain it falls

Drowning the seeds of love and hope, love and hope

I don’t want to stay here, stuck in the weeds

I feel alone in all this

I’m not faking, I promise