“Who would have thought forever
Could be severed
By the sharp knife
Of a short life?”
The song lyrics permeate me
I relate to them so much you see
A terminal diagnosis at 36
This is total and utter bullshit!
Which misdeed of mine
Was such a horrific crime
That this is the punishment
That fits the torment
Of whatever I’ve done
What else is to come?
I’m scared of that answer
I already overcame a stroke and cancer
Add in the Lupus and MS
And you’ll see there’s been much distress
And then there’s the flashbacks right now
Holy fucking cow!
How they mess with me and hurt me
Offering no sympathy
With the images they re-release in my mind
So I try to lose myself in the daily grind
I try make myself busy
To the point of becoming literally dizzy
I push myself too hard at times
Ignoring the obvious signs
That my body is in distress
Aye, when did my head become such an immeasurable mess?
Oh yeah when I was given the nastiest diagnosis
And a terrible prognosis
What more do you expect of me?
I’m doing my very best you see
To maintain that positive, Pollyanna light
To show you I’m made of strength and might
To try to reassure you it’ll be alright
When it’s time for my light
To burn out slow
And yet you wonder why I feel so low... 🤷🏻‍♀️