Fast follow up to Saturday's "too long yet not full story".
Saturday was about https://my.worries that my lung cancer progressed and that I had symptoms of mets to the brain or a stroke (slurred speech and worries about balance).
The main anxiety this weekend was the need to apply for my retirement after stressful years at my workplace. I have to mke it through to at least April so that I can continue with my current coverage for my spouse and I after retirement. This is important for my cancer treatment obviously, assuming it is still successful. Also for my husband (he's retired.)
This assuming that my HR does not release me before April (remaining sick leave days and the fact that I am starting to slur my )speech
OR that I dont trust our state government benefits administration (CALPERS for those of you inCalifornia) nor my union to back me up.
I am assuming all will go through for my sanit...and expecting planning for the worst from experience.
And planning for my husband is important. I have been taking care of legal paperwork and contracts since we've been married since I found he relies on trust, optimism and his hopes to be what will happen in contracts and legal documents.
If it were just me, and I had my current doubts about my survival, I would quit and stopped my expensive treatment and daily meds and let the cancer take its course.
Im old, nothing is working out in life, and I rarely leave my house or see friends since 2021. The world is turning into an ugly place. I have books to read and maybe the remaining ability to go for a occasional ride in a car before i die. If i have insurance with my current HPO, I can get hospice care for the end.
I'm tired this weekend was not the rest I needed. Work tomorrow. Sorry for the pos, but I needed to say this.