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Welp that was fun

I was talking with my mom this morning about my therapy appointment tomorrow. She asked if I was going to do anything special this week. I explained how I sent my therapist some journal prompts and the answers.. she asked what kind and I explained that I'm doing shadow work and healing my inner child. That set her off about how I had a great childhood and nobody ever mistreated me. I knew that was the end of my conversation so I said I would talk to her later and I hung up. She texted me some very angry words.

But then I started thinking about my childhood. And my girlfriend asked why I was upset so I told her a little about what my dad did when I was younger. And that triggered my PTSD flashbacks. It didn't last long, just enough to piss me off.

My dad was a mean man with lots of friends. Nobody knew he was beating me. My sister's would run screaming to their room when he hit me. But they don't remember it.

But now I'm trying to process it and get on with my day. Cuz thinking about it isn't healthy.

#PTSD #Flashbacks #MentalHealth #CheckInWithMe

4 reactions

PTSD flashbacks

Had a ptsd flashback first one I had in a few years and it hit me hard. I used to work at a restaurant terrible management got treated like mud on the bottom of someone’s boot half the time by either management or customers. Except for one a regular sweet old man who would just get some water and talk for hours with friends. He died yesterday and the death of anyone I know usually triggers these flashbacks of my stepdad dying of cancer when I was 10. Had to call my mom which I’m embarrassed because she’s toxic and I’m trying to distance myself from her it was after a fight we had because I had a huge mood swing. Need some support from my mighties thanks guys #PTSD #Flashbacks

9 reactions 3 comments

The Good and the Bad

I’m going to go to my pottery class tonight. That’s the good thing. I have to drive to get there. That’s the bad thing. I struggle with emotional flashbacks, dissociation and passive suicidal ideation while driving. 😕 I’ve started doing a driving meditation and it keeps me from panicking but it’s still very difficult.

Wish me luck! 🍀 #c -PTSD #dissociativedisorders #SuicidalIdeation #MentalHealth #Flashbacks

1 reaction 1 comment

#Pain #Flashbacks

Im so tired of all this pain. One thing after the other. Dont get a break to deal with past traumas which giving me now flashbacks

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Therapy did not go well today. I’m having too many flashbacks all at once. I’m hysterical and washing my Klonopin down with a half bottle of Prosecco. I think I’m demon possessed. I don’t want advice. #PTSD #Flashbacks

2 reactions 1 comment


Trigger warning

New nightmares last night and I had an old friend tell me not to be angry about the assault. I just yelled why the hell not, I am angry! He told me that they are just going to keep coming back until I stop. So I told him I would buy a weapon and be done with it then because I can't live like this and that's when I woke up still saying the words out loud.

I feel bad for my roomie here at the safehouse having to listen to me. #Nightmares #Flashbacks #PTSD

1 reaction

#Flashbacks , nightmares

Have any of you been given a prescription for Seroquel. It has helped me initiate sleep, and calms my panic and anxiety but causes ibtense and disturbing dreams. #Insomnia , flashbacks

6 reactions 7 comments

Nighttime Anxiety and the Start of a Depressive Spiral?

Nighttime wasn't a good time for me growing up because that's when a majority of the #SexualAbuse occurred. So I guess it makes sense to feel a sense of anxiety and apprehension before going to bed. My #PTSD also interferes with my sleep habits. Not to mention that I typically get up early any way. The nightmares and flashbacks that wake me up prevent me from feeling relaxed. I am on medication for the nightmares but they still happen. Also having #BipolarDisorder complicates my sleep cycle. When I'm manic I can't and don't want to sleep. When I'm depressed, that's all I want to do. I can't tell yet if I'm going into a depressed episode but so far I've had no energy and have been sleeping a lot more. I feel somewhat sad and down but not as bad as usual. Maybe I can work my way out of it before it gets worse. My fear is that I'll emotionally spiral which I try to prevent. Trauma memories lead to crying spells or they'll upset my #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder which causes me to overreact anyways. Living with three mental illnesses is absolutely draining. And it seems like all the therapy and medication can't control them sometimes. What can I do to better manage my mental health and get better sleep? I appreciate all of you and hope things are going well. I believe in you so thanks for believing in me. Stay safe and reach out for help if you need to.

#Abuse #Survivor #Sleep #Nightmares #Flashbacks #Emotions

4 reactions 2 comments