thepainisreal

#Fibromyaliga #ChronicFatigueSyndromeampME
I never thought that literally watering my landscaping would cause me extreme pain and fatigue #Fibromyaliga #thepainisreal

I am having a hard time dealing with my little sisters death that happened in December because im so us to hiding my pain from my family everyday that i have found my self doing it with this as well. Im the person in my family that everyone comes to and now i need them but i just cant bring my self to show them how much i am truly hurting inside. As well as im scared to let my self get upset because i dont want to throw my self into a flare up . I have Severe gastroparesis and fibromyalgia that i cant take the meds they have for both because im allergic to them. But anyways how do i let me self let go of all this when im so scared to . I know i need to Grieve because i cant even see a picture of her or here her name with out getting a ball in my throat. I have only lost it 2 time for just a few mins then sucked it up to be steong for everyone else . The first time was when we got the news and the 2 was when i had gotton some of her stuff and needed to pack it up for now . And the worse part is when i did lose it the second time i kept saying it was suppose to be me and not her first im the one sick. She has 2 amazing boys o e just truned 13 and the other 7 that she left behind . And hate that i can take them and my parents have to . There to old and im only 41 . But my body hates me so much i have to be watched my self some times so i cant take care of them. Im sorry to vent but i really dont have many people i can talk to about all this with out them getting worried about me and i know yall understand that. If you made it this far tha k you for reading whats in my head . I need help but dont know what to do anymore i feel like i have a bomb in me waiting to go off. Any helpful advice would be great. Thank you again for getting this far. And i hope your day or night goes good. Sending hugs to everyone.
#CheckInWithMe #FeelingAlone #thepainisreal

I feel like my body is at war with it self and my mind cant take it . And i know im alot more depressed these days with losing my sister in December and my health just slowly going down hill i feel like i dont know if im coming or going and i dont k ow what to do anymore . I dont want to die thats for sure. Im just sick of being sick and im always so tired like all the time to the point its hard to even write this . So far it has taken 30 min to get this far because i can focus anymore. I just feel hopeless and alone right now like no one understands or even trys and i hide my pain 90% of the time because when i try to show it i get one of to thing some people treat me like im broken and the other more less tell me to suck it up . So im just lost and alone in my fight that im so over fighting. Thanks for all who read this i just needed to vent some.
#CheckInWithMe #thepainisreal #fibrosucks #gpsucks #mybodyhatesme

I'm so tired of always feeling alone . People ask me how I'm doing but they never really want to know because if I say you want the true or you want the easy answer which is (I'm alive i think) and they say the truth but with in ( I'm not doing) there walking away already.BTW I have gastroparesis and extreme fibromyalgia so I'm always in lots of pain. But I just wish someone would ask and understand that this life is so hard and painful and very lonely know matter who I have around me. And they all think nothing has changed besides I have alot of doctor appointments and end up in the hospital 3 or more times a year but to them I should be able to do everything they can and they get upset when I say I cant . Like I have choices. Sorry I don't have anyone to talk to and I'm hope yall will understand my pain in my heart and the feeling of not knowing what to do and feeling so alone always. Im trying to find theapy but it has not been easy to find . Thank you for reading and any help is greatly appreciated.
#CheckInWithMe #thepainisreal #FeelingAlone