ThinkingTooMuch

I am in a situation where I haven’t been able to speak to my ex fiancé in 6 months. He physically assaulted me and the police put a no contact order on him. My mind tells me that it is for the best but then my heart convinces my mind that I did something wrong and I deserved to be assaulted and abused in the relationship. I obsessively think about what I did wrong and what I can do in the future to make us work. I can’t stop thinking about him. I don’t think he will ever want to talk to me again because of the charges put against him but I still can’t stop having rose coloured glasses on and planning out future together. I need help turning off these thoughts. Suggestions?!?! Help!!!

The dangerous point is when you stop caring about getting better. You start to believe it’ll never happen, that this experience and/or trauma has damaged you beyond repair, and that it will be this, or worse, for the rest of your life. You have nothing to get better for because this has robbed everything from you: you talk to almost no one, maybe you’ve even dropped out of school or work or whatever, and you know that if you vanished today, no one would notice for at least a week, three days tops. You lie on the floor and you stare at the ceiling and you ask, why am I trying anymore? What still exists for me to care about? #ThinkingTooMuch #Suicide #worthless

So lately I cannot get out of my mind the way my father treated me growing up. Well, not just me but 2 of my brothers as well. Never my younger sister. Not sure why, I guess she was a favorite. Anyways, the 2 that stand out for me is when he choked me for spilling rice and when he repeatedly punched me in the stomach when he found out I was pregnant. I dont know how to let it go. And he I guess expects me to forget about it

As I sit here in my Flat in England 6000 kms away from anyone and anything familiar, I think I am never going to be ok.
I have tried everything to “fit in” and it has not helped. I really think I need to unplug from society. So tired of over thinking to
the point I get physically ill. I question everything, even the times I feel good, like I am not supposed to ever feel anything. #feelingsodisappointedinmyself #depressionsucks