This is one debilitating disorder that i am trying my best to if not win against at least live with. Every emotion I feel is too much for the situation, for example something bad happens I'm either suicidal or really angry or I'm laughing irregularly. People around me don't say it but I guarantee they see me as a sort of nutcase by the way they treat me. I want to feel normal emotions. I want to not have to rely on weed and alcohol to keep me in a elevated state. It is so exhausting. I have had soo many wtf moments like when my manic episode was over and I felt "okay" I'd just sit there asking myself WTF WAS THAT or it would feel like a dream that never happened! at the moment I'm in a really up state (manic) I genuinely believe I am immortal yet I know it's not possible, no one can be (yet) I belive it still. seen counsellors since 11 (20 now-21 next month) and since age 10 my life has been one big madness. I am going to get another job! i am going to make it (gotta speak this shit into existance) ive been put on 4 diff anti depressants and now im on a antiphyscotic which has already started working :D my main question to the world,myself or who/whatever hears me when I talk. what do you accept the help when the help doesn't help you? # #Pain #BPD #boderlinepersonalitydisorder #Depression #wecanmakeit #strong #Life #Itiswhatitis