life

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    Five years of being with you and making myself smaller and smaller to fit into your box and be who you wanted, not who I was and am. No more. Here's to moving on and learning how to take up space again.
    #Life #Relationships #movingon

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    creeps

    Things could have turned out completely differently and this makes me so dizzy.

    So many stuff my mind's showing me at the moment.

    I am here by chance.

    I did nothing to come here; just went with the flow; I built nothing to come where I am now.

    If it wasn't for all the people I would have been still eleven.

    I feel like my youth years just went without me really living them. Now I should be an adult, but I haven't lived what was supposed to come before (or - I lived it while being tossed around).

    There's so many stuff I can't do now.

    I just wish I had more friends and more stability.

    I really wish I had the time between one people and the other to take a break and find my balance and myself within all the confusion.

    I am consistenceless; I'm based on void.

    [makes me a bit scared]

    Wondering what I'm doing next. Let's see.

    🌚

    #Photography #landscape #Autumn #Memories #past #Present #future #Life

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    Pushing Forward-A New Outlook on My Experiences

    I enjoy self-reflection because it allows me the opportunity to really look at what I have been through. I wrote earlier about how outlook can change things. While I cannot say I am thankful for having been abused, I am thankful for the lessons it has taught me. It has taught me many things about people and about life. But it has also shown me that I am not the things they said I was. That I can use the experiences of the abuse to heal and thrive despite what they did. I am thankful for the lessons it has taught me because without it I may not be where I am today. I might not be in the loving relationship I am in now, be living where I am or be surrounded by a loving family if I had not spoken up about the abuse. Speaking up was scary but that too taught me things-that I am brave. If I had not spoken up I do not want to think about what my life might be like. I do know however that I can be thankful even in the midst of hardship. I am thankful for the life I have now and those in it. So while I did not appreciate the abuse, I appreciate what it taught me. You see? You can even be grateful for the lessons the hard things in life teaches you. Life can be a cruel teacher sometimes but a teacher nonetheless. I am pushing forward each day while reminding myself of this new revelation. And so can you. No matter what you have been through- there is a lesson to be grateful for.

    #BipolarDisorder #PTSD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #abusesurvivor #Hope #Blessed #Inspiration #thankful #Life

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    Help with work anxiety

    :) I am at a new job and usually struggle to find or keep employment, so far everyone is nice and the training is better than at other places, but guess don’t want to feel alone in my struggles hiding my mental health at the workplace, maybe eventually I can reach out for help if they are accommodating, they offer some mental health supports partnerships so I’m incredibly lucky. Thanks for any tips and sharing your own story or struggles with work anxiety.

    😊🙂🙂💕🙏 💼
    🌻🌷❤️🌸☺️🙂

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    #Newjob #Anxiety #coping #Trying #Hardwork #DoingMyBest #Hope #New #Life #struggles #Selflove #patience #growing #selfImprovement #resillience #Work #WorkAnxiety #Job #Brave #fears #Journaling #tryingtoovercomefears #SocialAnxiety #Coworkers #Nice #positive #positiveexperience

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    Why does it feel like everything is pointless even though my brain knows exactly what is the purpose of most things in life

    I often think of severely disabled people that have accomplished more than me, who have a much more positive outlook on life unlike me, who it seems deserve to live more than me, like I'm a waste. My university degree costs more than I am worth and I am steadily failing it. Nothing makes sense, and I can't talk about it to anyone, very small things discourage me and I don't do anything for the rest of the day. Why am I like this. #Depression #School #studentlife #Happiness #sense #pointoflife #senseoflife #makesnosense #Life #goals #Motivation #apathy

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    Memory Lane

    Hello Everyone!

    I believe we have officially kicked off the #Holidayseason here in central Florida. I am #excited but #sad at the same time. Do you know what I mean?

    You see, the time change, mixed with the days being shorter, mixed with #Bipolar II and #Anxiety , it's pretty #horrible .

    I am a mix of excited for the decorations around the #ThemeParks and I am looking forward to seeing what is happening in #WaltDisneyWorld next.

    I do feel #Loved and #Supported , but I know that I am not 100% where I thought I would be at this point in #Life . Perhaps we have an illusion we are supposed to be something else, when nature always happens?

    Let's hope this #Holiday season is #good for you!

    How do you #celebrate the holidays?

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    #ChronicPain #sunny #Winter

    I am grateful for being able to function today despite extreme pain associated with the weather and cold weather. #Life is what you make it.

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    My anxiety's biggest fear

    I just found out my dad needs to have emergency surgery for a blockage in his stomach. He's the type of guy who's never sick besides an occasional cold and even then he would get up to go to work because he's strong and the hardest worker I know.

    I can see the fear in his eyes but I know he is going to come out stronger than he went in. Let his faith be stronger than his fears. My faith is strong for him right now. I don't have the strength to be weak and he needs me.

    Thank God for my mom forcing him to the emergency room. Only a man who loves a woman so deeply would stop being stubborn for just a second. I trust in God. Our faith is never lost. This too shall pass. All of a sudden the things that didn't really matter before, really don't matter at all right now.

    I never ask for anything because I just don't know how to but I do ask for prayers. Thank you.

    #prayers #Surgery #Faith #healed #Love
    #Anxiety #Depression #Life #Family #Friends #peace #Trust #god #Health

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    Surviving abuse has taught me that you can still be a decent person. You do not have to become what hurt you. You are not what happened to you. You are more than that. Before I got help, I was angry and distrustful. You can be happy and still have bad days. You can thrive despite what happened to you. There are opportunities for growth. I am still grappling with coming to the realization that I have come this far. I still have my days where I get scared, have breakdowns and get depressed. I am not fully healed yet but I have come a long way. There are so many lessons that I have learned that have helped me. I can be loved and accepted despite my past, I can't change people, and my worth is not dependent on others. I still have nightmares sometimes and get triggered but I can handle it better now than in the past. I have the ability to create the life I want. I am trying to be more positive and grateful. I wrote this to share with you all that you can be hurt but still shine. I hope this inspires someone today.

    #BipolarDisorder #PTSD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #SexualAbuse #SexualAssault #SuicideSurvivor #selfharmsurvivor #Hope #Life #Inspiration #Lessons #Asthma #Motivation

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    What's bothering me today? Being single in 2022.

    I know its better to get it out than to keep it in so here it goes.

    This is a guy who "likes" me and I guess is trying to impress me. I no longer use medical marijuana because although it helps my anxiety it doesn't exactly help my depression so I've taken other routes to supporting my mental health that have been working. I know he's trying to be nice and "joking" but possibly because I know him, this rubbed me the wrong way and I'll tell you why later.

    Conversation on social media:

    Him: Makes post on social media of sweet treats.

    Me: You eat edibles now?

    Him: I'm getting better so I can hang with you.

    Me: I haven't done it in quite a while so you're way ahead of me.

    Him: What! Are you okay? Do I need to make a delivery. Lol

    Me:Wait...not doing eds means I'm not okay?? 🤔 Backwards nation we're living in lol 🥴

    Him: Whats up, why u not doin well? Bc you haven't had any

    Me: What?

    Him: Haven't had any weed? I'm not bein fresh

    Me:Am I suppose to have it? Lol I'm not being fresh either lol

    Him: So what do want? Drink, food or other?

    Me: I'm good. Thank you.

    Him: Np ❤️ smarty 😂😂

    Why did this conversation bother me?

    #1 : When you tell someone you're not drinking or smoking and they ask you are you okay? My question is," Why do YOU feel the need to drink and smoke and are you okay?"

    Nowadays when you choose to be sober in a drug addicted world, others see it as strange or you're the one who's not okay. 🥴 Weird.

    #2 : When you tell someone you're not drinking or smoking and they still offer or ask do you want some?

    This is my life and my journey. Of course I can always kindly and simply say no thank you but nobody should be put in the position to be questioned and to explain themselves as to why they don't want to do something that they don't want to do.

    #3 : I have a medical card and can get marijuana whenever I need it. I told him I haven't done it in quite a while but he still offered me some. I don't need a stanger dropping off weed to me. This bothers me because people who don't have access or money would have fallen into this trap and taken off their journey not to mention the safety and security concerns. I especially want women to be careful in situations like this but everyone should use their best judgment.

    #4 I get that I am who I attract and I attract who I am but come on universe what this be? Lol Right now I'm in my own little world, healing in my own little universe. I see situations like these as tests. I believe when you're moving into a new chapter in your life the universe will see if you're ready to move forward and im ready. Nothing is going to have me go backwards. Upward and onwards is the only direction I'm headed.

    #5 Why did I relate this to being single? Because we would have never met and exchanged numbers if I was in a relationship. We met twice previously and never even indulged in any weed together. He's not a bad guy but trying to impress me this way is a major turn off.

    Okay, rant done! Good night 🌃

    #Depression #MedicalMarijuana #Anxiety #Dating #weed #single #Life