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Day Off: why #Anxiety ?

Today my schedule is open, like, this is NOT the norm. However, I woke with a drive to GET GOING! So, whilst half asleep, I started the chore of making myself ready to make something happen! But as I briefly sat to fashion myself, I had a thought telling me to take seven deep breaths.

Upon the completion of this slowing down instruction, I returned to my room, sat still, and told the Lord, “I am actually tired, really tired.” #honesty to God and self can move mountains. I therefore returned to bed and started reading and studying a wonderful Bible verse. Once that was complete, I viewed my weather app: 90 degrees heat wave. Mind you, I was heading outdoors to work in an open field.

Did the Lord part a sea for me, this morning? Did the Lord protect his child from the heat today? Did the Lord intervene by stopping me from making myself habitually busy? Did the Lord let me know that this day is reserved for me to enjoy his divinely gifted day off? So I say, #Depression #Anxiety and #Guilt , you can leave, for #busyness can take a backseat—until tomorrow—because this day is reserved for stillness by my Heavenly Father!

Yes, to you, #TheMighty #Christian , we can be #christ like and sleep on a wind-blown and tossed about boat, especially in the midst of the storm(s) called #Life . How? Well, we can take heed to obey Jesus’s words inviting us to “abide in Him” and “follow Me.” And that I will do!

Today’s Agenda:
I am heading to the back of the boat because it is time for me to take a nap!

#rest IS #stregnth !😁
#peace not #PTSD !

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#Life ’s #Joy : Birthday Agenda

#party ….nope
#Guest ….nope
#dressup ….nope
#Orders ….nope
#drive ….nope
#Directions ….nope
#Late #home ….nope
—————————-
#rest ….YUP
#relax ….YUP
#Fun at #home …YUP
#Stayed inside….YUP
#Loved the day….YUP
——————————
#Reality ….Fabulous #mentally #Healthy #Birthday without any
#Anxiety #PTSD #CPTSD #Depression #FinancialPain #worries #Guilt #Stress

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Insight Appreciated: a writing, a rant, an opening to understanding the true values of life. #PTSD #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Life

Can someone tell me how long does the wilderness season last???😳! My Lord, I am existing through what seems like a prolonged season of weirdness. If I open Facebook, I have to close it, quick because I start wondering how others are living and traveling and celebrating great events as I am laboring to get through each day.

Very weird season. Prayers appreciated. And your shared experiences are welcomed, but without guidance on how I ‘should’ feel. Believe me, I have already received counsel, rumination, and offered internal therapy from my mind’s version of psychological professionalism…I canceled the sessions.😌!!! One thing I am aware of as a missing ingredient in my healthy living diet is a lack of fellowship and my inability to find a quiet place for an enjoyable sanctuary.

My new living environment doesn’t even have a local church sanctuary to sit in. Oh, and taking a walk somewhere is null. Gosh, I really miss the quiet cathedrals and abbeys I was able to visit after a short walk along a city’s street. This season’s rural living really lacks pedestrian retreat spaces. Heck, it lacks the ability to be a pedestrian. The back country roads offer the locals a place to exercises their car’s engines speeds without limits.😵‍💫. So I greatly miss the hallowed times of splendid respite retreats I often discovered in cool, quiet, and holy marble and wood adorned shelters I frequented during my time of living in a bustling city.

As my writing ends, I have found the wilderness I am strolling through. It is a deserted place of sought after friendships and beauty found in the unexpected places nestled in everyday bustling living spaces that become a retreat from the mundane aspect of routine life, which is now the most prized and coveted way of living in this rural place where I find myself now residing.😔

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The nights are the worst 09-05-24

By societies standards, I should feel great. I should be grateful than my life was saved. I should be thankful that nurses and doctors put hours and hours of labor into my corpse and I am grateful but I do also feel guilty. I don’t want them to feel like their work was all in vain, but at the same time I struggle but I don’t struggle like people would think that I’d struggle I don’t have issues with money. My wife left me two weeks in the hospital stay so I no longer have relationship issues although it was a toxic relationship and kind of glad I don’t have those issues.

Of course, the loneliness of things sets in. The nights bring memories of things I did in my past that were fun times spent with friends now time spent with my ex-wife where we weren’t fighting and things were good.

My uncle left me his house of which I now live in, which would be a blessing if he hadn’t passed away here if I hadn’t found him in this house if the walls didn’t reek of my uncle. Every night here is torture. Knowing what happened what suffering took place here.

Im in pain, not physically but mentally emotionally I don’t know what to do. I want to run but I don’t know where to? crawl out of my skin.

Ive felt many pains over the last few years, but never the pain of what I feel now, I feel I’m one step closer to going catatonic. Life’s finally broken me, people tell me to get out, where do I go? And no offense I don’t want to be around other people like this.

find a hobby they say, what? At the moment in life I enjoy nothing.

You’re just being difficult they say, you don’t value how lucky you are. No I know how lucky I am however my luck came with a curse. Money can’t cure my heart, money can’t bring me happiness. Money can’t find me companionship or connection that lasts longer than a day.

take a trip, where? I don’t want to leave my house

therapy, I’ve tried several, they don’t tell me anything I haven’t already thought about myself in my mind.

And believe me I feel like I’ve tried all of the above, why I may have had fleeting instances of joy and happiness soon I had to come back to reality.

I’ve tried the medication I take 15 different ones for my heart my physical pains I was left with, my kidneys liver just about everything, I have a partially artificial heart and a machine that keeps my heart beating. I’m covered in scars from the vampire scars on my throat where the ventilator was and the medicine tube was, down ny chest and the xxs on my stomach and back I had lines coming out of for months.

Whats wrong with me? Have I just come to the end of my road?

I apologize for these jumbled thoughts they’re from a mind of a sleep deprived individual who’s barely hanging on by a thread.

im not even sure if im looking for some inspiration that might help or save me as I’m not sure there’s much left to say or do that could help that already hasn’t been said I think I’m just leaving these notes so if by some stroke of magic change happens and everything turns around I can look back and remember where I came from. Or if i simply can’t carry the weight anymore at least I’ll have said something and my friend and family will have closure, they’ll at least know how much i suffered inside and that im free and onto greener pastures.

#Suicide #Depression #self #alone #Pain #Life #Journal #PTSD #Broken #empty

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#Suicide and #silence : #MightyTogether We Can Save A Life

Following this group’s leader’s “Elephant in the Room” first topic, let’s discuss suicide…as a preventive approach to the act of ending one’s life.

Two deadly enemies: suicide and silence. When discussing suicide openly it then becomes exposed. However, when it remains hidden, it festers.

Silence fuels suicide.

And those of us, like myself, who suffer with suicidal ideation (thoughts) tend to fuel this way of thinking by dismissing the logic of sharing our pain with others because it is easier to convince ourselves that we will only bother them if we call, especially during a suicidal ideation attack.

The act of silencing ourselves and the act of not openly and publicly discussing suicidal thoughts thus fuels that dark way of thinking. But exposure to this (now) common issue—that MANY people are experiencing—allows us to freely express ourselves, in person, virtually, or on social media writing platforms.

Basically, how about if we vastly expose the reality of suicidal ideation so that those of us who suffer with these thoughts can freely say, “Hey, I am struggling with thoughts of ending my life” without any hesitation. Swiftly exposing those thoughts allow us to release the weight of those dark thoughts that govern our minds in the midst of the suicidal thought’s storm.

Honestly, which is easier to do: respond to the vulnerable suicidal ideation person who exposes their dark thoughts before the act, or posting an emoji on a Facebook post that informs the world that our friend took their life?

Let’s #Talk about #Suicide and that #MentalHealth issue so that our conversations become the preventative vaccination for the act of suicide. Too many people are giving in to this disease of the mind:

An estimated 703 000 people die by suicide worldwide each year. Over one in every 100 deaths (1.3%) in 2019 was the result of suicide. The global suicide rate is over twice as high among men than women
(https://www.iasp.info › WSPD
Global Suicide Statistics - IASP; 3.19.2024; 10:15PM (EDT)).

Let’s curb this grim statistic! I believe we can.

Let’s #Talk #Life , #TheMighty #Family , and make it common to discuss suicide, instead of wishing we only knew our friend or family member was silently struggling with ending their life.

#Depression #SuicidalIdeation #MentalHealth

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#LittleJoys of #Life

I just discovered my membership in this group. So, here’s to the “little things” in life that bring me joy.

The photo shows a last minute Christmas present that was given to me because I lost my two cats, a few years ago. My friend knew how much I love cats. Nice! I truly enjoy this soft neck thingy, or whatever you call them. Hmmm? Neck message…er??? Ha! And the mug is a replacement china coffee cup after my older one suffered an accidently cracked and shattered handle.

Last week, in the midst of serious issues, I spontaneously stopped in a Marshall’s shop after buying mechanical items at a store next to the building for my new 2024 repeatedly broken older car. Geez! It has me on pins and needles EVERY TIME I drive. However, after going into Marshall’s due to my fear of trying to start my car, I found all of the mugs at the back of the store. I then noticed one tucked away on a bottom shelf. Once I pulled it out and away from all of the larger ceramic mugs, I lifted the tag on the bottom of the cup. To my absolute delight and surprise, the printing stated it was a “Bone China” mug. Wow!!! Call me crazy, but coffee in a china mug seems to have a more gorgeously purer taste, in my opinion.

So, here’s to the #littlethings!

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Behind the Smile hides a Sea of Secrets

#imagine your #Life as a #different person. Imagine that you do not have a #MentalHealth condition that affects your everyday life. Think about it. Would you really be #happier by being Not You? I do not think so.

#everybody has #Problems , this is a phrase we hear a lot. It seems to minimize your own issues and make it seem as though someone else's means more #severe than your own concerns.

We are #luckier than most but not as lucky as some. That's another phrase an ex boyfriend once told me. I believe it. I may be #struggling to make #sense of things, but it will not make me #stop #Trying to do the right thing.

What are your #Thoughts ?

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