life

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    Good people.

    Lately I feel like I have to keep reminding myself that there's still good people in the world. Genuine, good hearted people. I've been in and around toxic and abusive relationships and the skepticism that comes with that is vast. I don't trust people nor do I let anyone in and while I'm trying to change that for myself, I'm also trying to notice and appreciate the small things people do for others, for me, that may not seem like much or a big deal to some, but is for me. It's a rough road trying to piece myself back together and most days I just want to give up, but I have to believe that one day, the fight will have been worth it.
    #Anxiety #Depression #Life #MentalHealth

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    Growing Pains

    Back in the day,

    We used to play outside till dawn

    Now, we're just another government pawn

    Back in the day,

    We used to live, laugh & grow

    Now, we are forced to work our asses off bro

    What is this shit? (mind my language)

    Death is a trap to try and get us to submit?

    As kids, we couldn't wait to be adults

    Now, I reflect and I am like that was truly nuts!

    The days when we could cry and be comforted

    Childhood turned to adulthood and those days plummeted

    Now, we're struggling to make ends meet, Who would have thought, childhood was only a treat

    But it's life,

    So put away that knife

    It is what it is -

    God is good, all is his

    Better days are ahead

    So, go and continue to chase that bread!

    #Life #resilience #NeverGiveUp #Suicide #SuicideAwareness #Selfharm #selfharmawareness #strength #courage #bravery #Independence #freedom #freedomwriters #useyourwords #expression #expressyourself #creativity #Deep #deepthinkers #bold #Spirituality #Meditation #Spiritual #calm #Zen #gowiththeflow #liveinthepresent #loa #TheSecret #manifest #manifestation #Positivity #PositiveVibes #GoodVibes #vibes #Energy #YouCanDoIt #Believe #Hope #Care #Empathy #compassion

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    Hoping that theirs a more sophisticated being out there in the universe

    I’m really hoping that a more sophisticated being is out in the universe watching over us. With the recent news of unidentifiable crafts by the U.S Navy or Air Force I’d say it’s very likely we’ve been observed. I probably sound nuts to some but it would actually give me great comfort knowing that we’re not alone. I just hope that they would be gentle with us mortals more so I hope that we as a species would not destroy or hurt them as we’ve done with our own planet. I’d love to have a dialogue with said sophisticated species but after all I’m just a lowly peasant of a human being. Peace everybody.
    #Depression #Agoraphobia #AnxietyAttacks #PanicAttacks #Sadness #lonely #Pain #Life

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    "Some things in life cannot be fixed. They can only be carried."

    <p>"Some things in life cannot be fixed. They can only be carried."</p>
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    Catching up

    So I just made a post titled July 8th.. about that day. But I haven’t been on in a while. Here lately I’ve been feeling lost, disassociated with everything and everyone.

    Like nothing will work out..

    I even exile myself. I've lost myself, and I know I'll never be able to get the old me back. I just need help letting go of that me, and starting over. I don't feel attached to anything or anyone. I feel like a nobody. Which is my own fault. I don’t feel depressed. I just don't feel anything. It's hard to explain I guess. Idk where my mind has went. But I know im not me, I don't feel like me.
    I can't get along with anyone, all I do is make bad choices, argue with everyone. I've failed everything and everyone, myself included.
    I'm just tired of feeling this way. I just want to be better and move forward. But no matter what I always fail.
    I always cry and break down when literally no one is around because I made the mistake of showing him my sensitive side, and he took it as weakness. I'm too sensitive. So I just keep to myself.
    I hate feeling weak and not good enough. No, no one tells me those things, but the way things are said, do not help. I've been so use to feeling alone, dealing with things alone, I guess I don't know how to let people help.

    I think that's why I feel this way, cause I'm tired of hurting and going through it all so I'm trying to not feel anything, because it's better than feeling pain.
    It sucks loving someone so much more than you love yourself, just to wake up one day and realize you never meant anything to them, they were just using you for their own personal gain until they no longer needed you..
    So every time they told they loved you, they wanted a family with you, they wanted to spend the rest of their life with you.. it was all a lie. And you can't trust anyone else that says it, because you feel one day you're gonna wake up to the same thing.

    #Trust #PTSD #Anxiety #Depression #BipolarDisorder #Life

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    A Small Glimpse Into My Journey with Depression

    I once read somewhere that being depressed is like living in a constant fog. At times the fog is overwhelming and seems endless. Then there are times when it lightened and is more manageable.

    I believe that everyone's mental health journey is their own. Although I respect the author's experience, mine is different. I feel like the world around me is covered in a fog; My loved ones, friends, co-workers, etc. I stand alone in a clearing. Only I can see this fog that surrounds me, covering everyone and everything I see.

    Most of my family and friends tell me things like, "You are the strongest person I know, So many people love you, You light every room", and the list goes on and on. They also remind me of how much I have overcome and survived. If I can make it through those circumstances, I can do anything.

    There are days when I wake up and feel like the powerful badass survive that they all believe me to be. Although, the majority of the time, I am standing alone in the clearing. I am unable to recognize how they seem to see me. Even if some parts of my brain register those thoughts, the crippling pain I am experiencing consumes the positivity. Where I am standing, I am overwhelmed by every trauma, pain, and experience that I have lived.

    My fight is daily. I am constantly struggling to survive. I wake up, go to work, paint a smile, and put on a performance. I perform so that you like me. I make you laugh so that you don't see the pain that lies just beneath the surface. It is how I survive. At the same time, those performances exhaust me. That is why, at times, I completely shut myself off from the world. During this shutdown, I am regaining my strength. Then I repeat the cycle all over again.

    Unfortunately, I have learned that when you let people see the cracks, they run away. It is not always because they don't care. They believe if they don't know how to help, then if they leave, you will feel better. The truth is, that is one of the worst feelings in the world. When the people you care about, see your pain, then walk out of your life.

    The strength that it takes to show people your truest self is unmatched. The only thing most of struggling needs from our loved ones is for you to be present. We need you to be able to listen to us, give us a shoulder to cry on, and honestly simply love us. You do not need to have profound wisdom or give us all the answers to life. We just want to know that we are not alone. Is that all anyone wants in this life? #Depression #Life #Survivor

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    .......

    Sometimes I just wanna disappear for a little. Also just wasn't falling apart #Life #over doses #moving on