Anxiety Before Sleeping/Change in Bipolar Episode #PTSD #BipolarDisorder
Ever since I was sexually abused and assaulted I find myself getting triggered at night. I am not afraid of the dark-I am afraid of what happens in the dark. I am trying to come up with a relaxing bedtime routine that involves calming music and meditation. Because the abuse only ended a few years ago, I still find myself crying over it. Depending on how badly I get triggered I have nightmares and can't breathe. If I am mildly triggered then I am severely anxious and want to escape. Problem is, I can't escape my thoughts or emotions. So what do I do?
A change in mood doesn't help either. I can feel my mood shifting from manic to depressed but I still have anxiety. I feel like my changing emotions impact everything else. I want to do a lot of things but struggle to do them. I find myself crying more often and wanting to sleep more-two signs for me of a depressed episode. The emotional intensity of Borderline Personality doesn't help either. Sometimes I feel like I have no control. Please help. I don't want to become so depressed that I go down a dark path -self-harm for example. It's been a few years since that has happened and I want to keep it that way. I am on a lot of medications and am in therapy but sometimes that doesn't seem like enough. I'm hoping someone here can reach out to me. Thanks.