whendoesitstop

Quarantine is hard, and sucks. My mental health is declining, my anxiety is kicking my ass. All I do is sleep and i just want this to be over. #quarantinethoughts #whendoesitstop #notdoingwellrightnow

again. again I screwed up. again I made people unhappy. and again I thought I was doing better just to crash and burn. when does it get better when does it end. why do I feel this way and why don’t it matter to the ones I want it to matter to.
twice this weekend I’ve been told I need to go talk to someone but why should I. just to have a therapist label me. I label myself enough to have someone else label me.!they are suppose listen to me to where they haven’t probably live through any I lived through. so who are they to say I’m depressed or suicidal. so why do they say a therapist is always there your insurance pays for you to talk about your feeling. you wouldn’t have to know someone’s there when you know there only there for the money. all I want is my significant other or a friends to understand just to be there. why don’t they see you slowly crashing why are they s blind when you aren’t even you are no longer you. when does it get better when do I feel I have a purpose. I keep praying for savior, but I’m not able to save myself. I refuse to rely on anyone but I don’t think myself can save me from this. #irelapsed #whendoesitstop #IWannaBeNumb #SuicidalThoughts

Does love truly exist

You thought you had me
This is true
At one point it was me and you
But now shit
It’s just me versus you
I never knew what pain you caused
Till I sat there crying in my car

I realize something
You were a fake
A liar a thief
But yet I still loved you
But your love was full of shame
If I could go back in time
And stop ever meeting you I would
You fucked up
Made me see who I truly am
You put me on blast for what
The shit you were already doing
Damn hurt huh

Now I’ll sit here high in my castle
Not giving a fuck about you
For what I thought we had was worth it
Turns out you had different intentions
All the false pregnancy scares
All the late nights fighting it out
But shit you gave me life
And for that I’m great full
My daughter means more to me then you ever did
But yet you hold her over my head
About how I’m such a horrible parent
How I cannot be trusted with our daughter
Who raised her everyday for 3 years
But yet you can’t trust me

But oh he’s the one for you
Good glad happy for you
But to you I say deuces
You have no life
You feed on misery
I hope that mother fucker knows
He will see your true colors
And fly away
By then I’ll be gone away

#mythoughts #whendoesitstop #Depression

Today was a good day. I was happy, I thought i was moving forward. Boy was i fooled its now 4am and i feel the weight of the world on me

#MightyThoughts
Today I am so weak. I didn't miss any sleep, I didn't do anything out of the ordinary. My body is retaliating and to be honest I am very tired of being tired. I am tired of not being me anymore. I'm tired of the person I've become. #Depression #tired #whendoesitstop #mighty #mightypain #Lupus #Spoonie #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness