Adjustment Disorder

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Adjustment Disorder
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So much guilt, shame and remorse

I feel guilt, remorse, and shame for having sadistic delusions about my former bullies and I feel bad for wanting to be a mass shooter or a serial killer to murder or slaugter my former bullies, it was a delusional thing I made excuses about.

I have been to the ER and then psych hospital for only a day and I was diagnosed with mental health issue with no useful info, then I was diagnosed with Adjustment Disorder with other symptoms and I was assessed for Autism and got diagnosed with Autism Spectrum. My diagnosis of PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder Not Otherwise Specified) changed to Autism Spectrum.

I asked my nurse why I was being released so early as I still was mentally unstable and he explained to me that I behaved too well and that the outpatient treatment program is more appropriate for people like me.

I am sorry if I sounded a bit antisocial. I don't have empathy for people who made fun of me in the past, but I don't want to go to prison, so I learned to control my anger issues.

I feel so embarrassed

I was so angry that I had a delusional belief that murdering my former bullies was the answer. I also had a command hallucination telling me to murder my former bullies and I turned myself into a psychiatric facility.

I don't want the SWAT team coming to my house, I am trying my best to behave.

I have a Delusional Disorder, but I am legally sane and intelligent.

I feel so R-word, stupid, and delusional for what I thought. Due to the Autism Spectrum Disorder, I don't understand what porn is at all. There are some videos and pictures that I downloaded from ages 13-22 that are allowed on YouTube and in reality erotic and not porn. I feel bad and there is no excuse for the delusional belief I had. I hope that everything is okay on your side. I even thought that tango dance was porn...

I still feel very embarrassed about my anger issues in the past and talking about my dark and twisted fantasies about doing something terrible to people who made fun of me in the past. I also feel embarrassed about what I talked about in the past online, because there was police involvement as someone reported me to the police due to my past behavior online. I once had voices in my head telling me to do those things to people who made fun of me in the past and was in a psychiatric hospital to treat the voices in my head, but still, I feel ashamed of myself.

I know that this was two years ago, but every time I remember what I said online and even the voices that I had, I feel so embarrassed and ashamed of myself, I am sorry!

Although I had symptoms of Unspecified Personality Disorder symptoms with paranoid fantasies before Bipolar 1 Disorder, and although I have Autism Spectrum and it's a neurodevelopmental disorder, I would still get the death penalty if I acted on my paranoid fantasies as it's plans of class A felonies, and also because I am not intellectually disabled.

Although your brain is not that developed until age 25-26, it's a good idea to diagnose mental disorders at age 12-15 as soon it develops to improve the symptoms rather than just waiting for it to become worse until it turns into delusions and hallucinations. If Premorbid Personality Disorder is emerging in young adulthood before Schizophrenia Spectrum and Other Psychotic Disorders, it's best to diagnose it at age 18 if it is severe or age 23 if it is mild, so you can no longer meet the diagnostic criteria for mental disorder and get it treated as soon as possible.

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Got paid so I treated myself to a nice dinner

I was craving a jr bacon cheeseburger and fries from Wendy's so I treated myself to a delicious meal. I also got a cookie and pineapple mango lemonade. It really cheered me up. I'm not really very down but I'm a little melancholy. I had a decent day today. I guess I'm just kinda dealing with FOMO tonight cuz my girlfriend is camping with her other boyfriend this weekend. She won't have signal there so I'll just have to wait for her to get home. It's ok. But when she has her daughter we usually video chat and I get to talk to them both and make funny faces and show off my plushies. Oh well. Next weekend we'll video chat. I'm gonna focus on cleaning my bedroom tomorrow. And Sunday I'm gonna go for a walk.

I'm dealing with a flare up of my #AdjustmentDisorder but it's mild. I didn't go manic this time. I'm trying to distract myself from the test results. But it's not easy. I've got an appointment scheduled for Thursday to discuss the results. I just gotta get through the next week.

#CheckInWithMe #MentalHealth

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Needing advice and/or reassurance

Hi everyone,
I wrote about two weeks ago, but it seems as though my piece did not post. I did not receive a single reply, but I am in need of advice and reassurance.
The past five years have been extremely difficult for me. I have been diagnosed with many diagnoses. C-PTSD, OCD, depression, anxiety, panic, adjustment disorder, codependency, etc. that actually helped me to better understand myself, but it doesn’t make each day any easier.
On top of all that, I have been in a relationship with a man who had lived a double life, lied to me about everything, everytime I mentioned something was hurting me, he would do just that, back in October he gave me a severe concussion, that same day he did something I asked him not to instead of taking care of me. He blamed me for everything that he did, that his ex did. He painted me as a terrible person.
I know everything with him hasn’t felt right and this is where codependency has come into play. He is due to move out. I am terrified he is once again going to paint me as a terrible person. He has not seen his own children in 4 months and I fear he is going to move out and blame me for everything. I don’t want to be put through all that again.
I spent my life making a name for myself just for him to come into my life and destroy me. Rip everything from me. No self esteem. No self worth. Nothing. I had nothing! I don’t know how to move forward and not worry about what he may do.
I know I need to focus on me and my child. I know what should be but all my diagnoses prevent me from moving forward, letting go, accepting.
I am due to begin a new job in a couple weeks and I am stressed about how to handle the above situation on top of figuring out what to do with my child when I am at work. I am a single parent and have been since prior to the birth of my child.
I am stressed beyond belief. I am extremely anxious. I need help. I need support.
Please help. ❤️

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Meds only work if I take them

I forgot to take my psych meds on Tuesday night and then all day Wednesday I was depressed and sad. But I took them last night and right now I feel better. I'm kinda stressed out about medical news but that's normal for me. I've got adjustment disorder. So I've got therapy at noon today. I've got lots to discuss with my therapist. It'll be a good session.

Update: therapy today went very well. We discussed the MRI and my opthalmologist appointment. I told him I took 3 bags of trash to the dumpster this week and I washed some dishes. He was very proud of me.

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Hello everyone

I felt insecure thinking about starting to post anything on this platform - which is probably a good reason to deliberately do so anyway.

I'm 24 and I'm here because mental health has always been an issue for me and also because I lost my dad to pancreatic cancer this year... It's comforting to read other people's experiences and to have a safe space where people are honest about their emotions and struggles.

#Anxiety #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Grief #AdjustmentDisorder #PanicAttacks

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I’m new here!

Hi, my name is MajorBootyTimes. I'm here because I'm lost, I don't know who I am, how I could ever be anything, and I've lost everything. well not everything, my house won't enter forclosure for another 45 day or so, but that's coming too. I used to have so much more fight left in me but now Mad world by Gary Jules pretty much sums up my daily feelings.

#MightyTogether #Anxiety #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #ADHD #PTSD #AdjustmentDisorder

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Healing the spirit of worthlessness..,alongside DID

Hi y’all. So LSS, I’m near-40, have at least 5 parts in the system and just barely had it validated (and so not yet treated, just barely getting started) that I rank high in the DID diagnosis, coming from 12 years of being told it’s “just” “some extreme form of PTSD the DSM doesn’t have a name for yet”, and Borderline. 8 years prior to all THAT, I was initially diagnosed with adjustment disorder (ahhh the easy days!) and rejected inner child work yet accepted then is when I noticed that “me” is not “me” and that I had at least two different demeanors/personalities/parts.

Back to the current - I was raised with zero religion/care to the soul/etc, so after myriad searching across religions, I had an encounter of supernatural healing Jesus’ invite to trade yoke and burden that I confirmed wasn’t fitting the dx for delusions in psych world and DID fit spiritual experiences of fellow Christians, and have come to Jesus as of April 2022.

At this point while not all of my parts necessarily thirst for Jesus or even communicate well at all besides me feeling they’re “there”, none have rejected my suggestion that if it feels okay, I’m gonna pursue my faith in Christ because we all do agree that it’s been some thing other than our fragmented self who’s kept us going and protected and etc, and that that likely ain’t done by ie some “gods and goddesses” or just by “harnessing the universal power” or whatever. And so one way I’ve set to grow my faith deeper is by learning more of how to be in His will, what He says about me, etc etc.

All that said, I feel, faith-walk-wise, like if I started in the spiritual milk Paul(?) talks about, now I’m on the light veg; I believe for myself that God is real, AND actually engaged in our lives vs. far away, AND that from all what’s said in the Word or testimonies from others or looking back in my own “that trauma shoulda killed you/how are you still alive” moments that yes, God DOES do things either to just give blessing or protect people from their mistakes, as He wills.

But!! One thing fed deeply into many of my parts and likely what fragmented me out so much, was a spirit of fear of being killed, and at the same time, so unworthy of love or agency or or or, and then it was reinforced by multiple unrelated others and events as I left home as a kid, and even into my mid thirties, by even the guy I was to marry and a pastor when I first started seeking Christ. So…

I notice that even tho head knowledge I fully embrace that He’s there and can and will do good/healing/justice bringing acts in our lives, if I’m totally honest there are at least some parts of me who are like “yeah but not for me/us”, tied to that spirit of worthlessness. And advice I’ve received from my church people? “Pray in full faith against that, and expect God to start showing up for you not just in danger but because you expect him to even in the easier things - that job/relationship/new car/healing of your dogs cancer or your DID.” and yet, I try that and feel GUILTY, because who am I to “expect” anything from God? I can’t even expect or count on or be heard even if I outwardly demanded from people of the earth much less my Creator who’s already rescued me from so much.

And yet? It’s biblical to be like Jehosephat in 2 Chronicles 20, or Mary when the angel tells her she’ll have a child, or the woman who reaches for the garment as Jesus walks by…

So all that to say…

Especially if I’ve got some parts that are still crushed IN the idea of not being enough, and I can’t truly and just automatically posture my heart when I’m this part of me who’s so hungry for all He’s got (because I know deep down He didn’t bring me thru all I’ve survived only to have His redemption die with me and all that, I mean.) to like snap my fingers and tell God He BETTER heal me, provide abundance of money so I can have a ministry, etc etc…how am I ever to get to the point where, in faith like in Acts, “they went out and laid hands and…” and all of that?

Part of me feels ashamed to even have to ask this question because by asking I’m not JUST trusting God, and yet, I’m so eager to grow in my walk and having no discipler types that even get mental illness and DID parts and how one piece of me can earnestly believe and yet IS damaged by other parts still stuck in unworthiness, I don’t know what to pray or how to grow my faith, but don’t want to also grow stagnant on the path… #Religion #triggerwarning #god #DissociativeIdentityDisorder #Christian

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I'm not being given a chance to heal

3 weeks ago I developed a really bad yeast infection that was resistant to fluconazole. I also had some blood work done and I wasn't sure what tests were being run on me but I knew that my doctor was on top of things. I saw him two weeks ago to check out the yeast infection and we found out that the test results had come back mostly. Some of them hadn't come back yet. One of the tests that came back was my A1C which was and my doctor kind of freaked out and he's like well we need to put you on insulin now sorry. He also prescribed me itraconazole, nystatin, and clotrimazole betamethasone.
One of the tests that didn't come back yet was the panel to check for #IBD . That test came back this week. I tested positive for #CrohnsDisease . But my doctor is now out of the office because his therapy cat died this week and he's probably going to be out of the office for at least 2 weeks. The nurses that are in the office don't know much about Crohn's disease and they suggested I find a GI doctor.
I feel like every time I get close to healing from one thing another thing pops up and throws me for a major loop. It doesn't help that I have #AdjustmentDisorder and I'm really struggling right now. #CheckInWithMe

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hi, i’m new on here. i’m going in for psychiatric testing on the 31st of jan. i’ve already been diagnosed with adjustment disorder with anxiety and depressed moods, generalized anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder, and binge eating disorder. i personally believe i also have panic disorder. my counselor and my psychiatrist believe there is a good chance that i have ADHD, but my counselor said she wouldn’t be surprised if the ADHD traits that i show are actually just worsening anxiety. i also have many, many OCD tendencies, but i haven’t been diagnosed with that, yet anyways. im on a few different medications. just wondering if anyone has had any similar experiences or anything 💗 #ADHD #OCD #ClinicalDepression #AnxietyDisorder #ADD

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