You ever have a an hour, day, week, month or even year when things just got to be too much? Like you're on emotional overload then it results in either shutting down or lashing out? That's how things have been for me lately. These past few weeks have just worn me out both mentally and physically. Working full time, managing my mental health and maintaining a healthy relationship have become somewhat of a challenge. It seems like the littlest things set me off to either shut down and want to be alone or for my emotions to explode (not just anger but sadness too). I'll cry uncontrollably for apparently no reason, I'll become irritated and touchy. I'll shut down and not respond. When I do respond, it's with intensity.
I do have a history of trauma, so maybe my emotions are telling me that I have more processing to do. Or maybe I'm just under too much stress. I haven't been sleeping well (have been getting up super early) then staying up all day. Today I tried to rest but my thoughts are racing and all I feel like doing is screaming into a void. Since I can't do that I have to find another outlet. I have been reading about stress reduction techniques but haven't found anything that works. Perhaps all this stress and being on an emotional rollercoaster (#BipolarDisorder ) is finally taking a toll on me. I feel like there is no period of stability in between mood episodes (yes I told my psychiatrist and he put me on a new medication).
Maybe all these rapidly changing episodes combined with the trauma is causing more problems than it is solving. Right now I just need encouragement and support. Normally I try to support and encourage others but tonight I need the support, prayers and encouragement. I'm tired in general, but especially tired of the emotional rollercoaster. #PTSD doesn't help either because the intrusive memories can trigger me to be more emotional and #BPD makes regulating those emotions even harder.
I don't want to give up but I feel like I am going backwards and relapsing with some of my symptoms. Which I guess is normal with stress. I want to work, and have a great relationship but that seems hard right now. I'm just really struggling and again I would greatly appreciate the prayers, support and encouragement. Stay safe and reach out for help as always.
Blessings to you all,
#SexualAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #Childhoodtrauma #stressed #needhelp #PTSD #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #frustration