Adjustment Disorder

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Needing advice and/or reassurance

Hi everyone,
I wrote about two weeks ago, but it seems as though my piece did not post. I did not receive a single reply, but I am in need of advice and reassurance.
The past five years have been extremely difficult for me. I have been diagnosed with many diagnoses. C-PTSD, OCD, depression, anxiety, panic, adjustment disorder, codependency, etc. that actually helped me to better understand myself, but it doesn’t make each day any easier.
On top of all that, I have been in a relationship with a man who had lived a double life, lied to me about everything, everytime I mentioned something was hurting me, he would do just that, back in October he gave me a severe concussion, that same day he did something I asked him not to instead of taking care of me. He blamed me for everything that he did, that his ex did. He painted me as a terrible person.
I know everything with him hasn’t felt right and this is where codependency has come into play. He is due to move out. I am terrified he is once again going to paint me as a terrible person. He has not seen his own children in 4 months and I fear he is going to move out and blame me for everything. I don’t want to be put through all that again.
I spent my life making a name for myself just for him to come into my life and destroy me. Rip everything from me. No self esteem. No self worth. Nothing. I had nothing! I don’t know how to move forward and not worry about what he may do.
I know I need to focus on me and my child. I know what should be but all my diagnoses prevent me from moving forward, letting go, accepting.
I am due to begin a new job in a couple weeks and I am stressed about how to handle the above situation on top of figuring out what to do with my child when I am at work. I am a single parent and have been since prior to the birth of my child.
I am stressed beyond belief. I am extremely anxious. I need help. I need support.
Please help. ❤️

13 reactions 7 comments
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Meds only work if I take them

I forgot to take my psych meds on Tuesday night and then all day Wednesday I was depressed and sad. But I took them last night and right now I feel better. I'm kinda stressed out about medical news but that's normal for me. I've got adjustment disorder. So I've got therapy at noon today. I've got lots to discuss with my therapist. It'll be a good session.

Update: therapy today went very well. We discussed the MRI and my opthalmologist appointment. I told him I took 3 bags of trash to the dumpster this week and I washed some dishes. He was very proud of me.

(edited)
3 reactions 1 comment
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Hello everyone

I felt insecure thinking about starting to post anything on this platform - which is probably a good reason to deliberately do so anyway.

I'm 24 and I'm here because mental health has always been an issue for me and also because I lost my dad to pancreatic cancer this year... It's comforting to read other people's experiences and to have a safe space where people are honest about their emotions and struggles.

#Anxiety #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Grief #AdjustmentDisorder #PanicAttacks

11 reactions 8 comments
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I’m new here!

Hi, my name is MajorBootyTimes. I'm here because I'm lost, I don't know who I am, how I could ever be anything, and I've lost everything. well not everything, my house won't enter forclosure for another 45 day or so, but that's coming too. I used to have so much more fight left in me but now Mad world by Gary Jules pretty much sums up my daily feelings.

#MightyTogether #Anxiety #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #ADHD #PTSD #AdjustmentDisorder

8 reactions 4 comments
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Healing the spirit of worthlessness..,alongside DID

Hi y’all. So LSS, I’m near-40, have at least 5 parts in the system and just barely had it validated (and so not yet treated, just barely getting started) that I rank high in the DID diagnosis, coming from 12 years of being told it’s “just” “some extreme form of PTSD the DSM doesn’t have a name for yet”, and Borderline. 8 years prior to all THAT, I was initially diagnosed with adjustment disorder (ahhh the easy days!) and rejected inner child work yet accepted then is when I noticed that “me” is not “me” and that I had at least two different demeanors/personalities/parts.

Back to the current - I was raised with zero religion/care to the soul/etc, so after myriad searching across religions, I had an encounter of supernatural healing Jesus’ invite to trade yoke and burden that I confirmed wasn’t fitting the dx for delusions in psych world and DID fit spiritual experiences of fellow Christians, and have come to Jesus as of April 2022.

At this point while not all of my parts necessarily thirst for Jesus or even communicate well at all besides me feeling they’re “there”, none have rejected my suggestion that if it feels okay, I’m gonna pursue my faith in Christ because we all do agree that it’s been some thing other than our fragmented self who’s kept us going and protected and etc, and that that likely ain’t done by ie some “gods and goddesses” or just by “harnessing the universal power” or whatever. And so one way I’ve set to grow my faith deeper is by learning more of how to be in His will, what He says about me, etc etc.

All that said, I feel, faith-walk-wise, like if I started in the spiritual milk Paul(?) talks about, now I’m on the light veg; I believe for myself that God is real, AND actually engaged in our lives vs. far away, AND that from all what’s said in the Word or testimonies from others or looking back in my own “that trauma shoulda killed you/how are you still alive” moments that yes, God DOES do things either to just give blessing or protect people from their mistakes, as He wills.

But!! One thing fed deeply into many of my parts and likely what fragmented me out so much, was a spirit of fear of being killed, and at the same time, so unworthy of love or agency or or or, and then it was reinforced by multiple unrelated others and events as I left home as a kid, and even into my mid thirties, by even the guy I was to marry and a pastor when I first started seeking Christ. So…

I notice that even tho head knowledge I fully embrace that He’s there and can and will do good/healing/justice bringing acts in our lives, if I’m totally honest there are at least some parts of me who are like “yeah but not for me/us”, tied to that spirit of worthlessness. And advice I’ve received from my church people? “Pray in full faith against that, and expect God to start showing up for you not just in danger but because you expect him to even in the easier things - that job/relationship/new car/healing of your dogs cancer or your DID.” and yet, I try that and feel GUILTY, because who am I to “expect” anything from God? I can’t even expect or count on or be heard even if I outwardly demanded from people of the earth much less my Creator who’s already rescued me from so much.

And yet? It’s biblical to be like Jehosephat in 2 Chronicles 20, or Mary when the angel tells her she’ll have a child, or the woman who reaches for the garment as Jesus walks by…

So all that to say…

Especially if I’ve got some parts that are still crushed IN the idea of not being enough, and I can’t truly and just automatically posture my heart when I’m this part of me who’s so hungry for all He’s got (because I know deep down He didn’t bring me thru all I’ve survived only to have His redemption die with me and all that, I mean.) to like snap my fingers and tell God He BETTER heal me, provide abundance of money so I can have a ministry, etc etc…how am I ever to get to the point where, in faith like in Acts, “they went out and laid hands and…” and all of that?

Part of me feels ashamed to even have to ask this question because by asking I’m not JUST trusting God, and yet, I’m so eager to grow in my walk and having no discipler types that even get mental illness and DID parts and how one piece of me can earnestly believe and yet IS damaged by other parts still stuck in unworthiness, I don’t know what to pray or how to grow my faith, but don’t want to also grow stagnant on the path… #Religion #triggerwarning #god #DissociativeIdentityDisorder #Christian

4 reactions 2 comments
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I'm not being given a chance to heal

3 weeks ago I developed a really bad yeast infection that was resistant to fluconazole. I also had some blood work done and I wasn't sure what tests were being run on me but I knew that my doctor was on top of things. I saw him two weeks ago to check out the yeast infection and we found out that the test results had come back mostly. Some of them hadn't come back yet. One of the tests that came back was my A1C which was 9.0.0.8 and my doctor kind of freaked out and he's like well we need to put you on insulin now sorry. He also prescribed me itraconazole, nystatin, and clotrimazole betamethasone.
One of the tests that didn't come back yet was the panel to check for #IBD . That test came back this week. I tested positive for #CrohnsDisease . But my doctor is now out of the office because his therapy cat died this week and he's probably going to be out of the office for at least 2 weeks. The nurses that are in the office don't know much about Crohn's disease and they suggested I find a GI doctor.
I feel like every time I get close to healing from one thing another thing pops up and throws me for a major loop. It doesn't help that I have #AdjustmentDisorder and I'm really struggling right now. #CheckInWithMe

3 reactions 2 comments
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undiagnosed/misdiagnosed??

hi, i’m new on here. i’m going in for psychiatric testing on the 31st of jan. i’ve already been diagnosed with adjustment disorder with anxiety and depressed moods, generalized anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder, and binge eating disorder. i personally believe i also have panic disorder. my counselor and my psychiatrist believe there is a good chance that i have ADHD, but my counselor said she wouldn’t be surprised if the ADHD traits that i show are actually just worsening anxiety. i also have many, many OCD tendencies, but i haven’t been diagnosed with that, yet anyways. im on a few different medications. just wondering if anyone has had any similar experiences or anything 💗 #ADHD #OCD #ClinicalDepression #AnxietyDisorder #ADD

10 reactions 4 comments
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Update

Oh boy I’ve done it again. A whole year off this app and now I’m back 😅😂

I decided to take on 2022 and make a lot of different changes to my life. Including putting my mental health first. I was done letting my mental illnesses take control over my life.
I stopped letting the past control me, blocked certain people in my life that effected me negatively, etc.
Has this year been perfect? Fuck no! It’s been a learning game to say the least. But the fact I can control my emotions 100x better is a step in the right direction.
I took a leap of faith and went back to school, I’m now working part time as well which has helped me feel better about my self worth. Lots of good things came of this year.
Do I still struggle from time to time? 100 percent! I’m stuck with this shit the rest of my life. It’s never just going to magically go away. But I’ve come a long way since my first post on here.
So my question for today; how has 2022 impacted you? Did you make better choices? Did you join a therapy group or find better people to surround yourself with? Let me know! Would love to hear! #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #CPTSD #AdjustmentDisorder #Depression #Anxiety #EatingDisorder #Healing #happier

16 reactions 7 comments
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ASD, TRD, GAD, ADHD, PTSD & Adjustment Disorder - New Hope? #ASD #GAD #PTSD #ADHD #ChronicDepression #Depression #Spravato #esketamine

I’ll start by saying that I’m mid-40s now and first began experiencing depression after my father died when I was 8.

Sought treatment myself at 16, and was on/off meds throughout my teens until my early 20’s. Ever since then it’s been a never-ending cycle of one med after another, one therapist after another, one new diagnosis after another.

I have a family, a home, a career…yet I can’t find ‘happy.’

A med will work to keep me functioning for a few years, then just tanks; the search begins anew.

About 5 yrs ago was the lowest I’ve ever been. My therapist was recommending I find a way to stay at a residential treatment centre, but there was just no way. I am the main income in our home, with 2 young kids at the time. My doctor, who just throws meds around, asked me if I wanted to try a med I’d been on before; neither of us knew why I’d come off it earlier, nothing in the notes. Within 3 days I felt like someone had picked me up off of the floor. I could suddenly function. I’d never had that feeling before.

With that came a change in my senses, especially a dulling of my taste buds. I could barely taste the things I loved before, but the trade off was…life.

I’ve had so many changes in the past year and my meds had already been starting to tank. I now take a mitt full of pills daily - 5 different meds - in order to function at slightly above ‘bare minimum’ most days. My executive function skills are non-existent, yet my job depends on me being organized. And most in my field are ‘highly’ organized. I can’t plan long term or short term, I’m messing up dates, appointments, meaning to return emails for weeks. Sometimes it’s because I forget, then worry about how forgetting makes me look. Sometimes I just can’t face it, I’m too tired, I have to be too ‘on,’ and I regularly ‘hit that wall.’

For a long time now I know people have seen the cracks in my façade, and some have used them to their advantage. I took a part time leave in the spring; I only wish I could have stayed part time.

I’ve had to change job locations recently and, for the most part, things are good. But I look for confirmation bias everywhere: that I’m falling apart and people can tell, that people have ‘heard things’ about me, that I’m not going to be able to keep going this time.

Then, a referral to a psychiatrist game me hope. I qualify for ECT, or rMTS therapies, but only ECT is covered, and I wouldn’t be able to continue working during the time I was receiving treatment.

I made it in to a 3rd or 4th round study (depending on my start date) for mega-dosing psylocybin, which came with major follow up and a high-level therapist. Only caveats being that my psychiatrist must agree, and I must come off ALL of my meds to participate. That means I’d be unable to work at all until (if) the psylocybin worked for me.

The psychiatrist would not sign off however, as he is part of an agreement to be a main referral practitioner for local clinical studies of esketamine dosing. Which he had also advised that I qualify for.

Hopes were completely dashed when, a benefits plan I pay a lot of money for, declined a predetermination of treatment outright. Only to be followed 2 days later by a confirmation of benefit qualification for reimbursement by my husband’s plan - which he does NOT pay out of pocket for!

Scheduling and planning for this treatment will be difficult; I will need to take medical leave for the treatment dates, which I will also need coverage for at work. The treatment schedule does not allow for a part time hire at work, and will have to be day-to-day casual, which is difficult for everyone. Work will not be happy.

I feel like this is a last shot for me. I don’t know if this chance will be given again. I have to try it…I have to.

But what if I’m one of the ones it doesn’t work for?
I mean, given my past record of drug treatment success, it must be more likely that it won’t work for me? I have lost count of (and fingers to count with!) the different meds I’ve been on for longer than required for therapeutic effect, that didn’t work. There is always a nagging part of me that wants to beat down any hope:
“As if this one is going to work! And if it does work, what will you do when the benefit company won’t pay after a year, hmmm?”

I have persevered my entire life, with ups and downs, but no ‘happy.’
I desperately want a bit of ‘happy.’
When I know circumstances I find myself in are the ‘happy’ kind, I can’t feel it.
But man, can I ever take on the deep, dark, negatives in my life, in everyone else’s life, the world….
I just want a taste of happy. Some happy of my own for a while.
And I’m terrified that if I can’t make myself believe it will happen for me, that’s exactly what will make sure that it won’t.

1 reaction 8 comments