Adjustment Disorder

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Adjustment Disorder
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    ASD, TRD, GAD, ADHD, PTSD & Adjustment Disorder - New Hope? #ASD #GAD #PTSD #ADHD #ChronicDepression #Depression #Spravato #esketamine

    I’ll start by saying that I’m mid-40s now and first began experiencing depression after my father died when I was 8.

    Sought treatment myself at 16, and was on/off meds throughout my teens until my early 20’s. Ever since then it’s been a never-ending cycle of one med after another, one therapist after another, one new diagnosis after another.

    I have a family, a home, a career…yet I can’t find ‘happy.’

    A med will work to keep me functioning for a few years, then just tanks; the search begins anew.

    About 5 yrs ago was the lowest I’ve ever been. My therapist was recommending I find a way to stay at a residential treatment centre, but there was just no way. I am the main income in our home, with 2 young kids at the time. My doctor, who just throws meds around, asked me if I wanted to try a med I’d been on before; neither of us knew why I’d come off it earlier, nothing in the notes. Within 3 days I felt like someone had picked me up off of the floor. I could suddenly function. I’d never had that feeling before.

    With that came a change in my senses, especially a dulling of my taste buds. I could barely taste the things I loved before, but the trade off was…life.

    I’ve had so many changes in the past year and my meds had already been starting to tank. I now take a mitt full of pills daily - 5 different meds - in order to function at slightly above ‘bare minimum’ most days. My executive function skills are non-existent, yet my job depends on me being organized. And most in my field are ‘highly’ organized. I can’t plan long term or short term, I’m messing up dates, appointments, meaning to return emails for weeks. Sometimes it’s because I forget, then worry about how forgetting makes me look. Sometimes I just can’t face it, I’m too tired, I have to be too ‘on,’ and I regularly ‘hit that wall.’

    For a long time now I know people have seen the cracks in my façade, and some have used them to their advantage. I took a part time leave in the spring; I only wish I could have stayed part time.

    I’ve had to change job locations recently and, for the most part, things are good. But I look for confirmation bias everywhere: that I’m falling apart and people can tell, that people have ‘heard things’ about me, that I’m not going to be able to keep going this time.

    Then, a referral to a psychiatrist game me hope. I qualify for ECT, or rMTS therapies, but only ECT is covered, and I wouldn’t be able to continue working during the time I was receiving treatment.

    I made it in to a 3rd or 4th round study (depending on my start date) for mega-dosing psylocybin, which came with major follow up and a high-level therapist. Only caveats being that my psychiatrist must agree, and I must come off ALL of my meds to participate. That means I’d be unable to work at all until (if) the psylocybin worked for me.

    The psychiatrist would not sign off however, as he is part of an agreement to be a main referral practitioner for local clinical studies of esketamine dosing. Which he had also advised that I qualify for.

    Hopes were completely dashed when, a benefits plan I pay a lot of money for, declined a predetermination of treatment outright. Only to be followed 2 days later by a confirmation of benefit qualification for reimbursement by my husband’s plan - which he does NOT pay out of pocket for!

    Scheduling and planning for this treatment will be difficult; I will need to take medical leave for the treatment dates, which I will also need coverage for at work. The treatment schedule does not allow for a part time hire at work, and will have to be day-to-day casual, which is difficult for everyone. Work will not be happy.

    I feel like this is a last shot for me. I don’t know if this chance will be given again. I have to try it…I have to.

    But what if I’m one of the ones it doesn’t work for?
    I mean, given my past record of drug treatment success, it must be more likely that it won’t work for me? I have lost count of (and fingers to count with!) the different meds I’ve been on for longer than required for therapeutic effect, that didn’t work. There is always a nagging part of me that wants to beat down any hope:
    “As if this one is going to work! And if it does work, what will you do when the benefit company won’t pay after a year, hmmm?”

    I have persevered my entire life, with ups and downs, but no ‘happy.’
    I desperately want a bit of ‘happy.’
    When I know circumstances I find myself in are the ‘happy’ kind, I can’t feel it.
    But man, can I ever take on the deep, dark, negatives in my life, in everyone else’s life, the world….
    I just want a taste of happy. Some happy of my own for a while.
    And I’m terrified that if I can’t make myself believe it will happen for me, that’s exactly what will make sure that it won’t.

    6 comments
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    The day you took my voice away

    This post is something I needed to do because my suicidal thought have skyrocketed since I received hatred toward my blog and post on themighty. I was so deeply impacted as stated in my last post that I am strongly concerning stopping posting. But here is my thought they are raw and what i needed to verbalize. Hope you enjoy as I try to get the strength to post daily again.

    The day you took my voice away. Was the day I knew I needed to take some time away not because your words were true, but because I cut me like a sharp knife, knife that cut so deep the pain was so unimaginable. This made me realize I needed to first develop coping mechanisms to deal with people like you. It made me realize I need to find my strength to strengthen my dialect. The day you stabbed me with your metaphoric knife was the day you made me almost commit suicide to "rid the world of myself." But I stuck it out, I overmedicated because something inside me told me I need to attend my new group therapy. Thank God I did because I saw the true reactions my stories and insight and unselfish nature invoked. The people truly going through a struggle needed my knid words and the gratitude they showed me made such a huge impact on my life. It made me realize I now more than ever needed to take back my voice and no longer let the oppressors of the world take my voice or another person's voice that is willing to share there story.

    The day you took away my voice was the most invalidating day of my life. Worse than when the doctors told me there was nothing wrong with me and I just had adjustment disorder despite going on runs of no sleep. Invalidation took my voice away so many times before yet this time when my voice was taken away it hurt worst, it flet like a knife cutting me over and over again. The metaphoric blood was mixed with real tears, tears not because your statements were true, tears because I was being oppressed and torn a part in something I was sharing my true thoughts, experiences, and most of all my vulnerability. Vulnerability in a society that stigmatizes and stereotypes those with mental illness.

    The day you took away my voice was the day I realize if I didn't learn to handle people like you I would one day end up in a box. A box with no one there to say good bye because you took away my voice in a time were I am trying to forge new friendships.

    The day you took away my voice will affect me for the rest of my life because it was nearly my fourth suicide attempt a d this time I had a fool proof plan. I will always remember the day you took away my voice because it was the scariest day of my life, scarier than every one of the buildups to my first three suicide attempts. Scarier because if was not just my mind telling saying kill yourself Nathan, die and rid the world of yourself, but you too were saying to rid the world of myself.

    I will never forget the day you took my voice away because in desperation for some assurance your thoughts of manipulation, selfishness, and horribleness were not true, I fired away a post on TheMighty and not one person said what I post is garbage, that I am a manipulator, that I need to rid thebworld of myself, or that I am lying about having a mental illness.

    On that day people I never talked to in my life gave to my defense they showed me sharing my story and journey is not only the right thing to do, but is also well received. That day positivity far outweighed your negativity.

    I will never for get the day you took my voice away because it will impact my life for a long time, but I doubt we can say the same for you.

    #MentalHealth #Suicide #Depression #Anxiety #Bekind #BipolarDisorder

    2 comments
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    My Story, My narrative

    Short synapse. I recently with in the last six month found a therapist and psychiatrist willing to listen to my story and help me on my mental health journey. I had a horrible event happen in my life that I have no recollection of and it was most certainly due to being on the wrong medication because all the doctors before told me all I had was adjustment disorder and just through medications my way that made my symptoms be on overdrive. I have lost all my friends and have been told by some to kill myself and that I am a horrible person. Many took the narrative created by the media as my story and took away my narrative for my story. So, I started a blog bipolartater.com to get my story out there and a way to get control of my mental illness. I now feel like I am at a point that I want to start producing YouTube videos and creating post on themighty.com to share my story with my narrative, not one created by someone that doesn’t know me. As a way to connect with people that understand the struggles associated with mental illness and those that will show empathy when all those before have scrutinized me and tried to silence me and take my narrative away and allow someone else to write the story of my life, my struggles. #MentalHealth #BipolarDisorder #mystruggle #EndTheStigma #mentlahealthmatters

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    5 Hard Truths I've Learned While Battling Bipolar Disorder

    Part 1 of 2 Impulsiveness. Heightened self-confidence that could reach impairing levels. Irritability and even rage. Racing thoughts. Euphoria. Increased distractibility. Even #Psychosis and paranoia. These are some of the many problems you may face if you are unfortunate enough to suffer from #BipolarDisorder . People with #BipolarDisorder suffer from cycles of #Depression and #Mania that can greatly affect their ability to function in every day life. I am one of those people and have been diagnosed for over four years. However, I believe I’ve suffered from it for over ten years before reaching out for professional help. I’ve learned a lot during my battle with this disabling disorder, including…

    #1: I’ve learned who my true friends are (and have become a better friend).

    I have to admit that I’ve put my friends and family through a lot while dealing with #BipolarDisorder . Some couldn’t handle me, and I can’t blame them for that. Luckily, many people have stuck around, and, while seeking support from peers, I’ve actually made friends who suffer from similar issues as me.

    I must say that I’ve become a better friend through trial and error. Medication has definitely improved my #Relationships , because I am not nearly as irritable and toxic as I once was. I’ve also learned that my friends can only support me so much, until they get overwhelmed themselves with my problems. It’s not fair to them if all I do is emotionally dump on them. They aren’t therapists. I’m not saying it’s wrong to reach out to friends, just that not all of them are emotionally capable of giving support, especially if they, themselves, are going through hard things. It’s important to be mindful of their emotional states before expecting them to deal with your problems.

    #2: There is no shame in taking medication.

    Chances are, you know someone who takes medication for their #MentalHealth , because one in five people deals with a mental disorder. More and more people are seeking professional help every day. Slowly, medication is becoming more accepted in society, and hopefully the de-stigmatization continues. You are not alone if you have to take a medication to help you deal with a mental disorder.

    #3: Doctors are human, too.

    In the beginning of my #MentalHealth journey, I was misdiagnosed as having an #AdjustmentDisorder due to inadequate screening for #BipolarDisorder . Because of this, I was put on the wrong medication and went #Mania within days. After this happened, I was sent to another doctor who kept me on the medication that was making me #Mania , thinking the #Mania would settle down eventually. This doctor was completely wrong, and I became delusional and psychotic. Finally, I was taken off of the medication and put on something more suitable for #BipolarDisorder . Even the previous doctor I went to said she wouldn’t have kept me on the medication.

    One major reason I didn’t know I was #BipolarDisorder before having medication induce severe #Mania is I didn’t know what #Hypomania was and how it is less impairing than full-blown #Mania . I thought my #Mania symptoms would have had to be severe in order to have #BipolarDisorder . Looking back, my #Mania symptoms probably started ten or fifteen years ago when I was so much younger.

    A lot of heartache would’ve been avoided if these medical mistakes hadn’t happened. Luckily, I lived to tell about it after almost ending up hospitalized. Which brings me to my next point…

    #4: The psych ward is a safe place.

    In 2019, I had a major depressive episode that ended in me being hospitalized due to having plans to end my life. I remember shaking as I approached the lady who checked you in at the emergency department of the hospital. My blood pressure was out of control, and my heart was racing. I had never been so scared in my life.

    I was put in a room for hours in the ER and had all of my belongings taken away from me, including my phone. I was so im

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    Divine Interventions

    Hey there, my name is Kat, and this is my first post here to this group. I am warmed, and grateful to be here and to you for your time.

    I'd like to share with you a recent tale, starting with how it came to be. I have exceedingly strong inclinations toward psychology - specifically Behavioural Biology, as the brain fascinates me. I *am hugely aware, this, like many other topics to me, is initially appealing - if not deeply engrained - due to my desire to ‘know thyself’.

    Ive been on a 32 yr roller-coaster of a journey thus far, and said desire is, these past 4yrs by far my strongest. To me it about sourcing ‘mental wellness’. I am 37.

    Now for my story - At the begining of the last month, April, I lost my Facebook page of 12yrs due to a momentary lapse of concentration . I adjusted my DOB to represent being under 18 to negate the bullshit ads we are subjected. At 17, I laughed, at 4yrs.. I laughed harder and for a split-second, contemplated leaving it as it has been 4yrs for me post- medical prescription induced suicidal ideation, with somewhat attempts. Suffice it to say, FB disengaged me before I could save my laugh. 12yrs of creativity, growth, networking so on... gone. They gave me 30 days to upload an official Govenment form of ID (licence/ passport - which i refuse to do for the platform.)

    Amongest my apparent cognitive cocktail, with adjustment-disorder and identity issues, this has left me feeling lost, along with simultaneously seeing the gift of starting again, refreshing, and facing The Law of Attachment head on.

    HOWEVER - In an uncanny plot twist, the day before I lost my lifes-work, I was so inspired by a colmonation of elements, specifically content contained here at 'The Mighty' so created a mental-illness support group on the same platform, named Mental WellnessMojo. A place to rest the ‘i’, and join in ‘we’ literally turning illness to wellness, information over misinformation for Self and others AND where I add the 'Mojo' to illness that I’ve learned in my 32yr journey of Self in the hope to inspire in others a less brutal ride than the one I've pulled my own bootstraps through.

    I simply must advocate, I feel it in my Solar Plexus and can no longer ignore my Higher Duty, and you know what? I've not felt more determined or - interestingly enough - in such a loss of physical pain since. My spiritual mentor confidently declaring this is me on my Divine Path - finally.

    I’m not good, but I’m ok.

    Warm Regards ,

    Kat
    🌬

    #QuestionableDiagnosesInc #BPD #BipolarII #DID #childhoodabusesurvivor #SuicideSurvivor #WellnessWarrior #nonducorduco

    21 comments
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    I'm new here!

    Hello all. My name is Kat, and I am a mental-illness Warrior on the path to wellness. I’m new here to 'The Mighty' and have already been awe-struck at the amount & diversity of transformational gifts contained herein.

    As a childhood trauma survivor, along with the estranged family this comes with, my life began on a 'hard road' which has held me in waves since . However has been one I've directed myself along aswell; sometimes into 'greener pastures', other times not in the most advantageous environments - but, I am alive and determined to share my many stories of survival, my wisdom and to now, step into my new healing chapter here with an open mind, open eyes and open arms.

    Those of us able to express our vulnerability, with courage and determination must advocate for those who cannot, or can no longer.

    It is said in Australia - where I reside - the numbers of those with mental-illness diagnoses are 1 in 5. That is nearly 5 million of us, of which 800k with complex illnesses - as I have been diagnosed (5 of in 2017).

    These numbers are pre-covid pandemic.

    To me, diagnoses and stigma are the initially the societal battles that require my concerted efforts, and it looks I've found the place to be to learn how.

    #MightyTogether

    #BipolarDisorder

    #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #AdjustmentDisorder #CPTSD #DissociativeIdentityDisorder #Depression #Grief #Anxiety #suicidesurvivor4yrs #findingmymojo

    27 comments
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    Aftermath of a Storm...literally and figuratively

    #AdjustmentDisorder

    Lately all of life's changes like to come all at once. I just can't deal right now...

    What's been going on is dealing with the aftermath of a terrible hailstorm that hit on Sunday that scared me and gave me flashbacks of it. So much damage. Broke our window too. Super shattered van windshield, my FiL's cad, and damage to my MiL's greenhouse and plants. Also another dog is in the process of dying. And I can't get a medication. Wal-Mart only has been getting in the most expensive kind and the discount cards won't work on it. I haven't felt up to calling my clinic bc Wal-Mart told me to ask my Dr to sign me up for an indigent program and see if I qualify and then send it to another pharmacy where it should be cheaper. I'll get around to it. Burnout sucks right now...
    In addition to this I have #ADHD Self identified #Autism (I feel like it fits), #GAD , #MajorDepressiveDisorder (recurringmoderate)

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    Coping/triggers/ramble

    Y’all my mind is already scrambling to form a sentence from the million thoughts going through my brain. THIS is why I’ve turned down offers to write for blogs 😂
    Well and cause I’m quite vulgar but ya know 🤷🏼‍♀️
    Anyways, I feel as though I have one foot in recovery and one foot in the shit that holds me back. I want to be better for myself, my kids and my husband but at the same time I’m still drawn to my unhealthy coping mechanisms. I’ve been trying to quit smoking for like a month now and I fail. Try to not drink but here I am with a beer in my hand. But it’s only when I get triggered that I find myself leaning back into old habits. Like I can’t find ways to cope when my bad triggers are triggered. For example my husband is a manager at a washbay and he comes home to tell me that a girl he used to bang started working for him. That’s not my trigger just wait 😂 This girl he’s had on social media since we met. I’ve asked him at least 100 times if they’ve slept together and he’s always told me no she wasn’t his type. Well the mothefucker let slip that they did in fact used to bang. That hit a nerve. Finding out that I’ve been lied to this whole time. But he’s always been on my ass about guys. Ugh hypocritical. Btw hello my name is Miranda and my husband is a diagnosed narcissist 🤦🏼‍♀️ so go figure.
    At this point I’m trying not to be so bitchy but I can’t help but be like “Wtf! Why weren’t you just honest?” There’s a lot of things that play into this shit show. Things I can’t get into because I’ll definitely get enraged.
    I have always been an honest/blunt person so lying to me doesn’t make sense. It shows me you don’t have a set of balls to state facts. It’s why my circle is small. Probably cause I got a lot of trust issues too. I’m not sure where I’m heading with all of this but maybe I just needed to vent somewhere where I won’t seem so crazy 😂
    So let’s discuss triggers. What sets you off the fucking handle and how do you cope ? Is lying also a trigger of yours? I’m curious so let me know! #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #CPTSD #npd #Anxiety #Depression #AdjustmentDisorder #triggers #Lying #coping

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    Blah blah blah

    I have literally wrote and deleted like six posts because my mind keeps screaming “PERFECTION MIRANDA!” 😅
    So this is just going to go up regardless of how it is and if I ramble well welcome to my crazy, beautiful distaster I call my life 😂

    Being a self aware borderline or even just self aware about any mental illness you have is the most fucking complex shit ever.
    You KNOW you’re being irrational.
    You KNOW you’re being crazy.
    You KNOW you’re splitting.
    The list goes on and on and on.
    But for me that means I am making progress. I’m starting to understand my triggers more and understand what I can do to avoid them or deal with them.
    My newest thing is learning to FEEL my emotions instead of running from them or giving into the uncontrollable anger. It’s out of my comfort zone because I hate feeling the emotions. I’d much rather numb them with lashing out or whatever other un healthy coping mechanism my head comes up with.
    It’s been such a challenge but it’s helped me a lot. It’s helped me to ask myself “Okay what is the actual problem? Is it my husband? Or do I just wanna get mad at him because I was triggered by something else?” And this mindset has saved a lot of pointless arguments.
    I know what I need to do in order to move forward, I know there will be hiccups along the way but I’m getting there. Slowly but surely this shit show will get her ass in gear and conquer the world and when that time comes y’all better watch out 😎
    Anyone else got any good coping mechanisms y’all are doing or goals you’ve set for yourself? Let me know!! Let’s start a conversation 💜 #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #npd #Depression #Anxiety #AdjustmentDisorder #Anxiety #EatingDisorder #CPTSD

    5 comments
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    I am struggling with my mental illness.
    I keep thinking I have a handle on it but it’s just being manic if that makes sense.
    I was diagnosed with BPD,NPD, CPTSD, anxiety/panic disorder, anorexia/bulimia, severe depression, adjustment disorder.
    I also have an addictive personality so I do smoke and have been drinking more than normal.
    I feel out of sorts, like I can’t handle things like I used to. I guess you could say I feel more broken than normal. I don’t socialize anymore, the friend group I once had dropped me. I miss having someone to talk to and honestly it makes me sad. My husband and I have gotten better but things sometimes get bad and I feel out of control. I’m not entirely sure what this group is about but I’m just looking for support and seeing if anyone else is dealing with the same as I am. I hold no judgment to anyone so I hope to get the same in return. #BPD #npd #Anxiety #Depression #needafriend #struggling

    13 comments