Bipolar 1 Disorder

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Intrusive thoughts #Schizophrenia #Bipolar1 #MajorDepressiveDisorder

Lately I feel like brain is trying to play tricks on me... I've dealt wit this enough to know not to trust or believe anything the voices say... I've also been struggling wit intrusive thoughts seeing me wreck my car or hit a deer me being wit other people besides my husband... It can get pretty scary especially when I'm driving it's like a flash right before my eyes... I quickly dismiss them but it doesn't stop them from happening...

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Intrusive thoughts #Schizophrenia #Bipolar1 #MajorDepressiveDisorder

Lately I feel like brain is trying to play tricks on me... I've dealt wit this enough to know not to trust or believe anything the voices say... I've also been struggling wit intrusive thoughts seeing me wreck my car or hit a deer me being wit other people besides my husband... It can get pretty scary especially when I'm driving it's like a flash right before my eyes... I quickly dismiss them but it doesn't stop them from happening...

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VNS- D Day

in about 6 hours my VNS device will either be turned on or fake turned on for the clinical trial. Trying to be positive about it but feeling physically sick with anxiety. I know there isn’t anything I can do about things, in terms of whether I’m a control patient or receive the treatment, but I’m blinding grasping at anything I think could tip the scale in my favor- despite how illogical I know it is.
I guess this is the beginning of a new chapter on the bipolar rollercoaster ride from hell. Starting now I’m going to have to learn to live with the uncomfortability of the unknown, try to tuck it away in the back of my mind, and put one foot in front of the other and control what I can.
This will be the first day I’m going to actively engage with my illness and swim against the current.

#VNS #Bipolar1 #invisiblebattle #SinkorSwim

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VNS- D Day

in about 6 hours my VNS device will either be turned on or fake turned on for the clinical trial. Trying to be positive about it but feeling physically sick with anxiety. I know there isn’t anything I can do about things, in terms of whether I’m a control patient or receive the treatment, but I’m blinding grasping at anything I think could tip the scale in my favor- despite how illogical I know it is.
I guess this is the beginning of a new chapter on the bipolar rollercoaster ride from hell. Starting now I’m going to have to learn to live with the uncomfortability of the unknown, try to tuck it away in the back of my mind, and put one foot in front of the other and control what I can.
This will be the first day I’m going to actively engage with my illness and swim against the current.

#VNS #Bipolar1 #invisiblebattle #SinkorSwim

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I'm new here!

Hi, my name is Ladybug2. I'm here because I have a 33 year old son with bipolar 1 and schizophrenia. He lives with my husband and myself. He is struggling with finding a career. He has 2 college degrees. Suggestions?

#MightyTogether #BipolarDisorder

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Invisible Illness, Invisible Struggle

Lately I feel like Dr Jekyll/Mr Hyde/Dr Jekyll on Speed. And it just seems to keep going… like I’m so tired of not knowing how I’m going to feel when I wake up. What do you do when you start to become a stranger to yourself?
It’s not “supposed” to go like this, I’ve done all the studying and the extra reading and the research and this is not what I signed up (ok I didn’t sign on for any of it but still). Isn’t it supposed to be short periods of altered moods with periods of “normal” moods in between.

So why the f*ck have I felt amazing, terrible, amazingly-terrible multiple times throughout the last few days? Am I now having rapid cycling mixed episodes because that basically an urban legend making it incredibly difficult to treat.

I hate this illness and what it’s robbed me of. I feel so helpless because I don’t know anyone who’s been through this type of Bipolar Disorder to ask them how to cope.

I’m filled with shame- ashamed I can’t just “push past it” like I’ve been able to at most other time in my life, ashamed of how much I’ve lost, and really deeply ashamed of how sometimes I feel like I have to fight to adjust my perspective and still be able to care, either more or less, about things or people.

After years of being dismissed, I once had someone who was trying to be supportive and understanding say to me “I think I get it now- I just have to remind myself it’s like you have cancer, you can’t help it and didn’t ask for it”.

Except, it’s not cancer. I don’t know what it’s like to have cancer bc cancer is a completely different illness. But it was the only thing the person could relate it to bc since mental health is so taboo, stigmatized, and barely understood. You can’t “see” it, so it either must not be there or must not be serious.

I think my mood started to lift after having surgery because there were visible scars. For the first time, I had people ask me how I was was doing, how I was feeling, if I needed something- showing genuine concern without the undercurrent of annoyance or feeling like the help is unwarranted, that I’m underserving, a burden.

I feel like I wake up everyday fighting an invisible battle, and not able to identify my comrades in arms because we fly no flags.
#Bipolar1 #invisiblebattle #MentalHealth #Anxiety #PTSD #BingeEatingDisorder #VNS

27 reactions 8 comments
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See full photo

Invisible Illness, Invisible Struggle

Lately I feel like Dr Jekyll/Mr Hyde/Dr Jekyll on Speed. And it just seems to keep going… like I’m so tired of not knowing how I’m going to feel when I wake up. What do you do when you start to become a stranger to yourself?
It’s not “supposed” to go like this, I’ve done all the studying and the extra reading and the research and this is not what I signed up (ok I didn’t sign on for any of it but still). Isn’t it supposed to be short periods of altered moods with periods of “normal” moods in between.

So why the f*ck have I felt amazing, terrible, amazingly-terrible multiple times throughout the last few days? Am I now having rapid cycling mixed episodes because that basically an urban legend making it incredibly difficult to treat.

I hate this illness and what it’s robbed me of. I feel so helpless because I don’t know anyone who’s been through this type of Bipolar Disorder to ask them how to cope.

I’m filled with shame- ashamed I can’t just “push past it” like I’ve been able to at most other time in my life, ashamed of how much I’ve lost, and really deeply ashamed of how sometimes I feel like I have to fight to adjust my perspective and still be able to care, either more or less, about things or people.

After years of being dismissed, I once had someone who was trying to be supportive and understanding say to me “I think I get it now- I just have to remind myself it’s like you have cancer, you can’t help it and didn’t ask for it”.

Except, it’s not cancer. I don’t know what it’s like to have cancer bc cancer is a completely different illness. But it was the only thing the person could relate it to bc since mental health is so taboo, stigmatized, and barely understood. You can’t “see” it, so it either must not be there or must not be serious.

I think my mood started to lift after having surgery because there were visible scars. For the first time, I had people ask me how I was was doing, how I was feeling, if I needed something- showing genuine concern without the undercurrent of annoyance or feeling like the help is unwarranted, that I’m underserving, a burden.

I feel like I wake up everyday fighting an invisible battle, and not able to identify my comrades in arms because we fly no flags.
#Bipolar1 #invisiblebattle #MentalHealth #Anxiety #PTSD #BingeEatingDisorder #VNS

27 reactions 8 comments
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Days like this...

I absolutely love days like this I get to spend wit my daughter... We take one day a week and go do something fun... I literally look forward to it each week... Today I took her to get her nails done and dinner... I've genuinely been so happy and enjoying myself here lately... Not letting stress or anxiety or depression take over my life... I am not my mental illness I am a survivor a warrior...
#Schizophrenia #Bipolar1

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Days like this...

I absolutely love days like this I get to spend wit my daughter... We take one day a week and go do something fun... I literally look forward to it each week... Today I took her to get her nails done and dinner... I've genuinely been so happy and enjoying myself here lately... Not letting stress or anxiety or depression take over my life... I am not my mental illness I am a survivor a warrior...
#Schizophrenia #Bipolar1

27 reactions 4 comments
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Depresssion settling in

So my boyfriend has been mentioning that he needs alone time. Keep in mind that we work different shifts and really only see each other in the evenings, and 2 days a week.

Today when discussing purchasing a manufactured home in a nearby community with my adult son, the first thing he says is we should get a 4-bedroom so he can have his own room. I asked if he would be sleeping in there and coming to mine whenever he’s in the mood and he said “well that’s the whole point”.

I know he wants to paint again and be able to possibly spend maybe a few days in that room but had no idea he was thinking more permanent.

I’ve already been struggling with mixed episodes leaning towards depression and this pushed me over the edge. The reason being is that I went through something similar with my ex-husband before he cheated and subsequently divorced me after 17 years of marriage.

I do not want to be a roommate with benefits and I don’t want to keep making his dinners, cleaning a shared bathroom, etc. if he’s not fully committed to our relationship. He’s either a boyfriend or a roommate.

I’m in my 50’s, in menopause, and about 50 pounds overweight so that is a factor in everything as well. I’ve also been dealing with some financial issues so my stress levels are off the charts.

I don’t even want to discuss this with him even though I know that is wrong. Sometimes I think it’s just old insecurities from my marriage.

My psychiatrist recently added Vraylar to my med regimen but I don’t think it is helping.

#Relationships
#Bipolar1
#BipolarDepression

3 reactions 1 comment