charcot

I can proudly say I was an active woman who loves being outdoors. Trekking through streams, hiking up beautiful mountains and just listening to the sounds of nature. Until one slippery rock stopped me. Walking through a stream, my foot went left when it should've went straight. I thought it was a badly sprained ankle and so did the ER doctor. Nope. Countless x-rays and different doctors I finally got my answer. A very debilitating foot disease called Charcot Foot. Its caused by neuropathy. The pain is unbearable, constant and now I have a dislocated bone in my foot. I was on sick leave to gather my thoughts, see my doctors and do a lot of crying. I had to find my happy place again. I needed something to look forward to and that made me happy. I write short stories, paint (I've sold a few paintings) and bead jewelry. The pain is always there but I refuse to let it take over. #charcot #Pain

I have charcot-marie-tooth and bpd, anxiety. Which all contributes to insomnia. Never been able to sleep good. My psychiatrist had me on both Ambien and restoril for almost 5 years. Slept better than I ever had in my life. Would happily be on them for rest of life in order to sleep.
But my psychiatrist retired. And the closest one who takes Medicare is 50 miles away and I'm not able to drive that far and I can't afford to go even once a month.
My general practitioner refuses to prescribe them for me because they "may be habit-forming and addictive"
So in meantime, the lack of restful sleep ups my anxiety, depression, cmt pain & fatigue and all that just makes the insomnia worse. Vicious cycle.
Now I have reached a point where I just wish it was over. I'm not suicidal. Just wish it was all done and through.