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    feeling defeated from my ADHD again....

    I have been doing pretty well staying positive until now. maybe i was just ignoring all of my issues for a while. I just find it so difficult to do things that are so easy for others.

    I have been trying since the start of augest to figure out my EI, I still am unable to make an account. I just dont undersand these things, they stress me out. and as soon as i get help and people tell me what i need to do, i go home and try to do it and it just does not work.

    I have no money.... and i am starting to get really stressed.

    I really hate how having an invisible disability can really take a massive toll on your life.

    I literally am lost.

    I am not stupid, I just cant seem to complete these things.

    I cant seem to get the help i need to get this done, especially without feeling like i am being judged.

    I am about to have a child, I need to also figure out all the maternity benifits, and child benifits. I cant put everything on my husband to do for me!!!! he has enough to do.

    I feel judged or down on myself for having a child if my disability is this bad.

    nobody thinks that its this bad.

    I've been overlooked my whole life,

    because I am a girl?

    maybe its becouse i am quite and keep to myself?

    The government has failed me my whole life. At this point i feel like just giving up on getting any benifits and just trying to be as cheap as i can to survive.

    I wish i was maybe a bit better. Maybe then i could provide a better life for myself and my new family.

    #soontobeparent #ADHD #hiddendisability #Anxiety #Depression #Sorry #confusedaboutlife #Procrastination #Disability

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    sorry for the long post.

    I've been looking a lot into mental health since January (when I was dating a bipolar girl). I slowly discovered the world of BPD and "self-diaghosed" myself. It was scary, but at the same time so many things in my life made sense.

    Due to my interaction with her I got really extreme mood swings. I reached a point where I could barely work at all.

    I decided to start seeing a therapist (at the very least to get a better understanding). After 5 sessions (covid hasn't helped) I asked what he thinks about my self-diaghosis and his comment was that I'm leaning way more on NPD. (The bipolar girl also called me a narcissist once).

    My therapist kept repeating that I have to learn how to let go. He is very right and a book he suggested (the inside out revolution ) helped. Thing is I enjoy taking things apart and understanding them. Not sure if it gives me a false sense of security, but it is the reason I grew up a science person and studied engineering.

    I've been doing a lot of research ever since and even though I can see NPD traits in me, whenever I compare the two diagnoses, I don't relate to NPD (maaaybe covert NPD). I don't wanna step on people, I don't want to use them, though I feel like I've done this in the past.

    Loneliness and boredom dominate my life apart from a few moments per week when I can get properly distracted. I've met so many people in my life but I feel like I don't know any of them and very few care about me at all, hence why they leave me sooner or later.

    Not sure why I'm posting this. I guess attention, a bunch of thoughts I've been keeping inside, another person's opinion who won't judge me.

    #BPDvsNPD #confusedaboutlife #loniliness