It was pitch black in my room at 4:45AM. I was wide awake reminiscing about my work schedule before being placed on medical leave. By 4:00AM, I would typically be outside walking and then cycling, for HOURS. So, this morning, after being on medical leave for nearly six months, as normal, my body was ready for action. But a new concept for me, self-compassion, interrupted my anxious mind.

As I sat on my bed deciding what to wear in the below freezing temperatures, I figured I will make myself walk some hills for early morning exercise. But a soft thought entered my mind: Why? Well, I pondered, because…? I…I really…don’t…know.

Typically, I motivate myself to do early morning outdoor exercise as a punishment for some THING. Let’s see, I must have sat still too long yesterday; even my watch tells me “it’s time to move!” I must have ate more than I should have, yesterday; but today’s a new day. I’m too fat due to this unexpectedly longgggg medical leave, which is actually allowing my brain to heal. Or some other reason that qualifies as some type of punishment against myself. Why! Oh, because I am convinced SOMETHING is wrong with me!

But this morning, I prayed. And I then thought, “What would you really like to do?” The self-compassion definition floated through my mind, and I thought, “Man, this cold cloudy almost snowy morning, I would LOVE to stay in bed.” And guess what???

I opened my eyes and the sky was bright. I slowly looked at my clock, it was 8:00AM on a Sunday. I was well rested. And before I knew it, with excitement, I was on my (now) stationary Specialized Sirrius bike cycling in my bedroom. I can no longer cycle the city streets due to the many concussions I have sustained from “bike-car” collisions. But as I cycled and listened, and watched, an Inspector Lynley episode, I realized I was exercising with JOY simply for the fun of exercising! Wow!!! It was then that I thought of sharing this experience with you, #TheMighty !!!

This site is helping me learn new skills. And exercising w/o punishment is DEFINITELY a new self-compassionate way of living for this #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #ADHD #TBI #PTSD #PostconcussionSyndrome #Anxiety , and #Guilt laden survivor!!!