cook

So I’ve had Lupus for 20 years now I was dx at the age of 8. I can’t believe it’s been so long and I’ve made it, it wasn’t easy and I didn’t do it alone. I got through with family, child hood doctors and many tantrums. It wasn’t easy at any point still isn’t, it’s only gotten more complicated. Can you imagine how many times in a week I wake up and think 🤔 gosh, I bet it’d just be easier to die now. All my pain and life worries would be gone I wouldn’t be a live burden on my mom just a dead one on her and my siblings. Every time something happens I sort of selfishly wonder is this it, is it over? Then I remember how hurt my mom and younger siblings and niece how hurt they would be, I’m not really scared to die I’m scared of leaving them alone to suffer without me. I’m 27 yrs old I’ve been through so much more then most people twice my age experience in a life time being chronically ill isn’t for the faint of heart. I’ve delt with so much I could write my own mini novel. I’m tired 😓 I’m exhausted 😩 and ready to be done mentally. But I can’t I’ve got little people watching my every move. I know why people commit suicide they feel like they been backed into a corner and cut off from everyone and all sources of pain. I’ve been there one too many times I’m exhausted in more way then one #tired #Food #cook #Sleepy #Exausted #Suicide #suicidal #mentally done