Chronic illness and painful judgment from others
Yesterday my mother-in-law told me that it’s time for me to “get a job” and to stop wasting my life on a text message. Out of nowhere. Up until now, we’ve had a decent relationship, besides her actually hating me in the beginning because nobody is good enough for her son. But, even though she’s snarky and negative, we sent each other birthday/Christmas gifts and stuff, it seemed better. Well, yesterday she went AWOL out of nowhere. I haven’t been able to work in four years due to 8 chronic illnesses that keep me in constant, severe pain, both mentally and physically, and although things have gotten a little better with the right doctors, treatments, and things like therapy, mindfulness, and meditation... I still suffer immensely every day. I DO have income from past things I’ve done, but it’s nothing to flaunt. So, as a very independent and driven person, I would love to be working again, but my illnesses prevent me from it, and often prevent me from even being able to leave my bed or showering much less work a physically demanding job. Not to mention, there are very few jobs out there that you can do that doesn’t require using your hands and arms which are my most affected areas. Not to mention, besides the chronic pain the other symptoms I deal with on a daily basis don’t exactly allow me to work. Either way, she knows about my illnesses through my husband mentioning many times, but he’s very polite and kind of holds back, so I decided to tell her kind of what I’m going through currently as nicely as possible, thinking that maybe she just didn’t understand and thanking her for the encouragement but that it’s much more severe and complicated/difficult than it might seem from the outside. She replied to me with comparing herself to me as an older woman who still works, saying that she pushes through her arthritis to work and that I can too. But, what she doesn’t realize is our stories are nothing alike and her having a little bit of arthritis is nothing compared to my neuropathy, fibromyalgia, advanced arthritis, C-PTSD, chronic reactive Epstein Barr virus, cytomegalovirus, and other chronic illnesses.
Anyway, I’m just wondering how others deal with the hurt and pain that comes from the judgment of others. I have read The Four Agreements and KNOW that I should NOT take anything personally because what others say and do is a reflection of them and not me... and I know who I am, what I go through, and how hard I work at getting better every single day ....but knowing what you should do to help yourself and actually doing it is much harder. It’s one thing for a stranger to say things about you, but a whole letter thing for someone close to you to say mean things because they actually do know you somewhat. I just feel the pain immensely and no matter how many books I read or podcasts I listen to, the judgment just tears me apart 💔 #ChronicIllness #Judgement #Fibromyalgia #Neuropathy #ChronicEpsteinBarrVirus #CytomegalovirusInfection #hypothyroidis