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Community Voices

This was a comment to a post I put in a Facebook group for abuse victims. I don't post my whole story because it's looooooong, there are a huge number of details, and I don't feel like typing all of that everytime I need support. Besides, no one ever really understands. I get judged, blamed, and it's all turned on me. I don't understand this, especially in groups for people suffering from abuse. I'm in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship and can't leave. I mentioned I needed to see my cats, which aren't with me, because we're stuck in a motel, to explain why she mentions my cats. More about the situation with my cats, and the whole situation, is in some of my previous posts here. I have OCD, panic disorder, and depression, plus physical disabilities. I'm not lazy. I've cleaned, cooked, and done other household chores in the house we lived in and apartments before that. I've gotten worse, both mentally and physically. She doesn't know me, but she immediately seemed accusatory. My boyfriend had told me Saturday he was going to do laundry, but later claimed he said he'd do it when he got around to it. He told me he'd do it that day. He has money to do it: I don't. He did laundry yesterday. I got upset when I came back Saturday to find he hadn't, because I had no shirts left, had planned to go out, and I was going to visit my cats. Here's her latest comment, which is highly misinformed and hostile:

You have to visit your cats. Are you kidding? You claim he was supposed to do laundry. Nobody does laundry. All you have to do is put the clothes in the washing machine and the machine does the work. Then all you have to do is put the wet laundry in the dryer and the machine does the work. Then all you have to do is take the dry clothes out of the dryer and either fold your clothes or hang them up. Seems to me you're extremely lazy and come up with excuses.

25 people are talking about this
Community Voices
Community Voices

Does the idea of trying to know your values scare you? Do you feel like you have no values at all? #values #BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

I felt frozen when this topic came up. Fear that i have no values, shame and guilt for feeling indecisive about it and not knowing, fear of what could be my values, feeling helpless and hopeless about it and feeling resentful and angry about it. How do people know their values? What is the difference between values and beliefs? #Fear #Shame #anger #resentment #Guilt #BPD #helpless #hopeless #Indecisive #Judgement

3 people are talking about this
Community Voices
Community Voices

Shhhh calm down

So I have bpd (diagnosed) and have had it suggested that I have adhd due to manic episodes. When I’m feeling “manic” or “hyper” I struggle to control my volume and become bouncy. I usually feel happy but unfocused during this time. I hear buzzing sounds snd everything is bright.
People (family/friends) very often shhhh me or ask me to calm down when I’m like this. For me this triggers my mood switch. I don’t feel like I control how I am when manic and being asked to calm down makes me feel as though I’m being judged or that I’m embarrassing. It hurts and I’ve highlighted this. I understand that shushing someone isn’t that bad but for me it represents “be normal” and I end up self hating and feeling a burden. These are my people I jus want them to accept happiness for me is extreme and my behaviour is a lot but it’s part of me!! #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #hypermania #ADHD #Judgement

Community Voices

Christmas and Judgement

<p>Christmas and Judgement</p>
11 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Don't share with those who don't care.

I have been here. I had freely gave too much info and lost my sponsor through my recovery program. She ended up judging me with a group of friends and cut me off as a friend. This was one of the most painful experiences (and I have had a lot).

One thing learned in therapy, is that we don't need to tell everyone everything. Even with pastors or friends I have learned to keep some things to myself. The pain of judgement and people distancing themselves has been an unbearable memory when all I needed was some help, a friend as a result of a lifetime of brokeness.

#Judgement #Pain #Anxiety #Trust #Depression

20 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Something I’ve realized.

Thinking back over the years, I’ve found that all I’ve done in social settings and life in general is seek approval and acceptance of others. Realizing how much that has contributed towards my choices and feelings, I’ve come to hate it. It’s a bad habit to break but damn I’m going to figure out how! Why should I go on living my life just for another’s satisfaction? Wish I would have figured this out sooner but glad I did. #Judgement

1 person is talking about this
Community Voices

When your the only progressive in your family

I'm no one special. I have my issues just like everyone else. But I do know that I am a progressive person. I care alot about people and sacrifice much of my time and energy on trying to help others and understand them atleast. I've always been one to speak up about this, about accepting and helping all people no matter their appearnce, ethnic background, money status, family ties...it just does not matter to me. But as i've grown older I have realized that even though my family/support system has always said they are not racist and judgemental...Their actions and words prove otherwise. I'm also realizing that much of my anxiety/depression has been a result of them shunning me whenever I would talk progressively about others and and the world. It's a hard thing to process when the one's you love and that you know love you are not able to love the world as much as you...it's sad...and it's tareing us apart. But I will not be like them.

#Blacksheep #Judgement #familysucks

6 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Confessions of a People Pleaser

I have realized, people pleasing has been part of my agenda all of my life. When you live with mental disorders, it often comes naturally...as we try to make up for our perceived deficits. I have often fostered toxic relationships, even clung to them. I am not saying I'm not culpable, or that I have not brought toxicity into relationships. What I have finally come to terms with, is I am not for everyone. Everyone is not for me. I still choose to walk in love with others, even if maintaining a relationship is not possible. That's pretty huge, for someone like me. I have tried to force relationships, as I was always the "fixer" in my family. My role was "make everyone happy"and things will be great. Not so much. I was displaying more of a God Complex, in retrospect. Trauma children acquire an innate ability to people please. By default, if it means you won't get the blank kicked out of you that day, or, other types of abuse, it makes sense. Carrying that process of people pleasing into adulthood, can be dangerous, however. I now fully accept, if I am not understood, if I have to continually explain my very existence, if I am judged by those who do not even wish to get to know me...I will no longer trip over myself to make it work. This even goes for family members. I am often rejected and labeled by others. I have relatives who will not engage with me, as I am neurodiverse. I have relatives that do not acknowledge my existence. That's on them. We all have light and dark, good and bad. To judge me, due to stigma and an uneducated stance, is not on me. I have and continue to do everything possible to rectify the symptoms I live with. Rectify as in make myself socially acceptable in a neurotypical environment. If you KNOW me, I have much love, and am generous to a fault. I walk in forgiveness and confront issues. I expect trust, not deceit, from those I love. The constant stress of trying to live up to expectations of others, is no longer an option for me. I am very aware of my limitations. I must lay down my expectations, if others lay them down for me. Part of this is very freeing. The other part is radical acceptance. The in between, is pure Hell.


3 people are talking about this