Scared and frustrated.
At this very moment I feel like I have been cursed by a power I cannot see or understand. For the past 20 years my biggest health struggles we’re strictly mental health. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #PTSD #MajorDepressiveDisorder #SuicideAttemptSurvivors
After years of turmoil and a lot of self work I had finally conquered these mental health issues that had been dominating my life. I was able to come off all my medication last summer. I had never been so happy and healthy. I was just getting use to the new sensation of emotional stability in my life. Now my physical health has been struck down and is declining at a rate that is hard for me to fathom. 2 days ago I was diagnosed with Lyme Disease. Today according to my blood work my body is also being ravaged by the Epstein-Barr virus. Doctors also suspected I have a underlying autoimmune disease. My body feels like it is completely eroding away. Joints are getting worse daily. Physical pain and discomfort getting worse daily. Neurological symptoms continue to persist and get worse at certain moments. MRA imagining of my head for potential blood clotting came back normal. CT scan of head was normal. The medical care here in the southern tip of South Carolina has been abysmal. No infectious disease specialists in my area. Soonest a neurologist can see me is August. Tomorrow I will be hopefully flying back to Chicago area for better care. Blood work for the Lyme Disease has been back and forth. I tested positive now negative. The dismissal from both the doctors and my family has made it very difficult to stay calm. Very difficult. With the way things are progressing. I do not know how much longer I will last. I also don’t know how much longer I can endure this level of pain and discomfort. I would rather pass more kidney stones than this. I would rather get hit by a car again than this hell I have descended into. I’m not depressed or sad. I can’t help but feel the system is trying to euthanize me. #LymeDisease #ChronicEpsteinBarrVirus