So I am not feeling it anymore. In my mind I want to end it all but I know I wont act on it. I just feel so alone right now and I hate this feeling. I am on my lunch break in my car crying my eyes out. Trying to pull myself together so I can go back to work.
I've been a member here for a few years but have never been that active until last week. I realize this is the best place for me, Facebook and Instagram makes my depression much worse. I'm also realizing I don't know what my true mental health diagnoses are. I know I suffer from #deprrssion and #Anxiety also #PTSD but I KNOW there is more wrong with me. I have state aid insurance (welfare insurance) and I truly believe that I don't get the best care because of it. From my failed spinal surgery and the chronic pain I live with now, to my mental health I really feel I'm at the bottom of the totem pole. Since my daughter passed away in 2015 I have really drastically declined in every way. My brain is so gone I don't believe I'll ever be able to work again. I don't work now and haven't for the past 4 years because I've been fighting to get disability. I don't think I'll ever be able to retain information like I used too. I'm just wondering if anyone else out there on state aid and with lots of different health issues feel like they don't get adequate care. I've been going to therapy on and off since I was 15, I'm 35 now, and nothing ever improves. My physical condition has gotten so bad I barely leave my apartment. Just want to live a lil semi normal I know I'll never be normal again. #Depression #Anxiety #PTSD #ChronicPain #FailedBackSurgery #ChildLoss #ComplicatedGrief #TooYoungForThisNonsense #longlivebribri
I'm not okay, and that's okay, because I will be okay in the end.
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