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Working again

I'm in bed from pain, so thought I'd catch up here. This is one of the latest paintings I've done. I've started doing portrait commissions again too! Such a big step for me since i haven't in over a decade! I'm already in over my head, but I'm very happy to be working again. 😁 Thinking of myself last year this time, stuck in bed almost all the time and so depressed. It's just something I never thought I'd be able to do again. Thank you to all the mighty cheerleaders that have helped me to start living again! 💙 #FailedBackSurgery #spinalcordstimulator #SpinalStenosis #BackPain #neckpain #ChronicMigraines #PsoriaticArthritis #Depression #MiniStroke #AnkylosingSpondylitis

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How much do you push your body when in an effort to fight for mobility you can’t control the nerve pain or the muscle spacticity and spasms?

I’m living with chronic intense spine pain with nerve damage and muscle atrophy in my lower body. Just a few weeks ago I was in a wheelchair for eleven days straight and could not walk at all. I haven’t been able to do anything besides the bare basics of caring for myself and my pup. Yes, the bare basics. I’m not in a wheelchair right this minute but I cannot walk without my rollator or walker with my attached cane. It’s been that way for a long time now, years.

Anyway, I’m trying to walk (via walker) and track my steps, push myself a little more each day.

The pain, burning and numbness take over my body and I have to stop repeatedly to bend my spine forward and relieve the pain and pressure, ease the burning. It’s horrible and the pain sucks but still, I want my life back and I’m not going down without a whole lot more fighting (again). Yes, I’ve been living with chronic pain my entire adult life, so it’s been an ongoing battle for years.

The problem I’m having right now and daily is: when I’m pushing for mobility and trying to save my lower body (mid spine to feet) from being permanently paralyzed I’m fighting nerve damage that only relieves with ice for hours (mid to low spine and bum and hips) but muscle spasms that only relieve with heat (legs/feet).

Just exactly how much muscle spasms/spasticity is too much and how do I know if I’m pushing way too much or just not enough? I’m really not knowing and I know if I don’t keep fighting and just stay in whats comfortable and least painful I won’t be out of the wheelchair very long. Any tips, advice? I welcome them all please. This pain is making me a little bit nuts and I’m using ice and heat at the same time to combat the different parts and symptoms on my lower body. I’m exhausted and frustrated to say the least. #ChronicPain #FailedBackSurgery #Nervedamage #DDD #Osteoarthritis #spinestimulator #migratedleadwire #Exercise #Neuropathy #MuscleWasting #Tremors #numb #tingling #Burning #Spasticity #musclespasms #mobility #Fibromyalgia

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Sketch of one of my book characters

Hi everyone! My Wife loved the rainbow rose 😁 That made me really happy. I've got a new mp3 player for my birthday and it's amazing how it's made me feel creative again! One old song I'd forgotten about made me start this sketch the other night. He's the more real version of me (not in looks lol) But in a wheel chair, etc. I want to paint this eventually. #ChronicPain #chronicmigraine #ChronicFatigue #SpinalStenosis #BackPain #Wheelchair #Anxiety #FailedBackSurgery #spinalcordstimulator #AnkylosingSpondylitis

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Procedure update: Excruciating❌ #BackPain #ChronicPain #SacroilliacJointPain #sciatica #spinefracture #Backinjury #Chronicpainwarrior

Thank you so much for everyone who wished me well and sent their love for my back procedure today 🤍🙏🏼 I hope this day has found you as well as possible. I feel so lucky to have so much amazing support and a soft, safe place to land ❤️you all are such a blessing.

Most of us have been on a very long road with our health/illness/pain journeys and can handle a lot. I’ve had 5 spinal fusion/si joint surgeries and today was my 31st outpatient procedure. I was not nervous, anxious or scared for this today. I was quite hopeful and eager for good results.

I can say that aside from my fusion surgeries, this was THE most painful injection/outpatient procedure I’ve ever had‼️I was wailing, flailing, bawling and asked for more sedation (didn’t get it) because felt like complete torture and agonizing pain ❌ after it was done the pain kicked up over a ten (I almost never use a ten) and at this point I was panicked and engulfed by this pain.😢

They left me with a caprisun juice and walked away, couldn’t get anyone to address what was happening. I texted my mom and she contacted the office manager. Then I did get a small IV of a pain med but it didn’t touch the pain, it was that bad. I asked to go home, in the car I had to use my rescue meds and it still didn’t help the pain.

I’m icing and now in bed snuggling with my Poppy girl 🐕I can only pray this result means the dr is in the right place. I remain hopeful but more uneasy about his next treatment plan. I need a long term solution… I can’t keep getting these painful injections with no pain relief. I will recouperate and recalibrate and come up with my next game plan✊🏼I’ve come too far to stop now.

My heart goes out to everyone struggling today or feeling frustrated and exhausted. We’re all in this together ❤️🙏🏼 Thanks so much for listening my mighty friends 🤍 #ChronicPain #BackPain #sciatica #SacroilliacJointPain #spinefracture #FailedBackSurgery #Anxiety #RheumatoidArthritis #MastCellActivationDisorder

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Another procedure today! Wish me luck 🍀 #ChronicPain #BackPain

Hoping for the luck of the Irish ☘️ today for some pain relief for all of us🙏🏼… I’m having another outpatient procedure for my back again today, number 4 for this year and number 31 in all. Which coincidentally will be my age next week on my birthday 🎉 Good sign I’m hoping?!🤞🏼

I’ve been in so much pain this past week again, level 9s everyday. It feels like my
Back and Hip are going to snap off and break. I’m seeing a new anesthesiologist/doctor who my surgeon absolutely loves and I got really good vibes from 🙌🏼 Today is another #SacroilliacJointPain injection, not expecting miracles but always hoping for the best. I’ll kindly take any and all of your positive vibes🥰

Poppy girl is already 6 months and is the best girl🐕. She licks my tears when I’m in sos pain. This will be the second procedure she’s rode along for this year. I’m so much braver with her nearby and so lucky to be her fur mama! She’s so sweet and caring. I already can’t wait for her to great me after my procedure is done💖

Have a great St Pattys🍀everyone and if it’s not great, that’s ok too. Just do your best and remember you aren’t alone, none of us are 🙌🏼🙏🏼🤍 #ChronicPain #BackPain #SacroilliacJointPain #sciatica #FailedBackSurgery #RheumatoidArthritis #MastCellActivationDisorder #Anxiety #Insomnia #MightyPets


The come back

I found out today that I have a long road of pain ahead of me, possibly it could be. I'm not claiming it but I sure am tired of going back and forth and trying every procedure under the sun. I can't get disability cause a sitting job should do me just fine. I can't believe some things went wrong during the surgery. I wish that I had knew then what I do now. I can't say I'd be in better shape but at least I'd be in peace. #laminectomy #FailedBackSurgery #imtired #imscared


I'm tired of the constant pain #FailedBackSurgery

What do you do when the constant pain & limited movement interferes with your every day life Getting nowhere at the pain clinic, due to insurance company denials for medications. After 8 spinal surgeries, the latest this past November, I feel no better. Hip replacement, bilateral knees with no miniscus. If I kneel down, it feels like kneeling on glass. Both shoulders with torn rotator cuffs...I'm classifying myself as #DegenerativeDiscDisease and #degenerativejointdisease . I hate to feel sorry for myself, but I didn't imagine I would reach this point. Just a sad morning, I guess. I wish I could sleep 8 hours to escape the pain for 1/3 of my day.

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The face of #Pain

Ppl assume that when you put yourself together and #fakeit everything is fine... that's the furthest thing from the truth. My face hides SOOOO much pain. Soooo much sadness. If your reading this please post a picture of your beautiful self. We don't have to suffer in silence. #Depression #Anxiety #PTSD #ChronicPain #ChildLoss #ComplicatedGrief #FailedBackSurgery #longlivebribri



I've been a member here for a few years but have never been that active until last week. I realize this is the best place for me, Facebook and Instagram makes my depression much worse. I'm also realizing I don't know what my true mental health diagnoses are. I know I suffer from #deprrssion and #Anxiety also #PTSD but I KNOW there is more wrong with me. I have state aid insurance (welfare insurance) and I truly believe that I don't get the best care because of it. From my failed spinal surgery and the chronic pain I live with now, to my mental health I really feel I'm at the bottom of the totem pole. Since my daughter passed away in 2015 I have really drastically declined in every way. My brain is so gone I don't believe I'll ever be able to work again. I don't work now and haven't for the past 4 years because I've been fighting to get disability. I don't think I'll ever be able to retain information like I used too. I'm just wondering if anyone else out there on state aid and with lots of different health issues feel like they don't get adequate care. I've been going to therapy on and off since I was 15, I'm 35 now, and nothing ever improves. My physical condition has gotten so bad I barely leave my apartment. Just want to live a lil semi normal I know I'll never be normal again. #Depression #Anxiety #PTSD #ChronicPain #FailedBackSurgery #ChildLoss #ComplicatedGrief #TooYoungForThisNonsense #longlivebribri

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Baring it all... Double flare #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #Injury

This is me in an autoimmune flare and an injury flare, baring it all. I’m covered in rashes, my eyelids are swollen and I need a crutch to move even a few feet. My back injury is at its peak, I feel like my back is being broken in half all day everyday. I’ve been unable to get my pain under control and unable to get my rashes under control. I’m beyond exhausted, I’m inhaling fresh celery juice like it’s my day job. I have to hope it won’t always be like this, someday it’s got to get a little better. Until then I’m baring it all on here and doing the absolute best I can until this flare hurricane lets up. Might watch Avengers Endgame and get Burgerfi tonight, living it up large per USUAL🤷🏼‍♀️Hope everyone’s hangin in there tonight, fellow Mighties 👋🏼🖖🏼💪🏼👍🏼 #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #Injury #BackPain #FailedBackSurgery