Emotional Numbness again
I'm almost 2 weeks in this state of emotional numbness . I don't care about anything ,things that make me happy before are not joyful and just an automatic task . I love music ,but now , I'm often annoyed and change the songs very often. I can still feel anger and even have tears or feel sad , but if something should make me happy .. I feel just nothing , but a hurt heart ,it's like with every emotion I feel a hurting ball were my heart is . Even worse today I saw something that make me normally very happy . I had the physical reaction ,but felt my heart squeezed very painfully and tears came into my eyes .
I want to feel love for life again . It's actually not new for me to walk like a zombie through life . With no feelings except pain ,anger and sadness, being empty inside. Faking smiles until it weighes you down . I had this for 18 years going ,no break . I came out of this . I really could enjoy things ,words had a positive feeling for me and I even felt a light within me when I sang songs . I had deep connections . It was getting better with my mental health . I want to get rid of this numbness . My whole mindset is like it's upside down . From trying to be positive and doing the best I can everyday to rock bottom hopelessness. It's like a spiral of negativity .
I'm still trying to do the things that got me out in the past . Like self-care , being good to yourself . I just always have problems with motivation due my conditions and now it's worse . Most of the time I don't want to move not even to the bathroom . I desperately want to feel something positive and joyful . #MentalHealth #emotionalnumbness #Depression #ChronicHeadaches #Fatigue