tiredoffighting

The past few months have been really tough. I've been dealing with worsening fatigue and pain while staying a new job while studying for the bar exam. The only thing getting me through had been thinking about how much easier and better it will be once in done with the bar. Then I will be able to take care and things will be easier. It's occurring to me now that they dream probably won't happen. Work will probably hit me like a ton of bricks when i switch from part time to full time. I'll still have to juggle my crippling fatigue and chronic pain, and all of the various doctors appointments and therapy that I've been fighting for for months now.

I'm tired. I'm tired of people telling me to take it easy and "find time for myself". I'm tired of having to explain how bad my symptoms are and not having anyone that truly understands. I'm tired of grieving over the things I didn't have time for before and don't have mobility for now. I'm tired and no amount of rest or self care could possibly make a dent in the exhaustion that has melted into my soul.

The undiagnosed network finally found my issues! Apparently they found THREE genes causing issues which is extremely rare! I have Alpha 1 antitrypsin deficiency ZZ type , along with COL4A1 issueb(kinda like Ehlers Danlos Vascular type) vasculopathy, and BARD1 gene .
Anyone else have any of this? #RareDisease #pulmonaryhemosiderosis #EhlersDanlosSyndrome
#Alpha1AntitrypsinDeficiency #Gastroparesis #tiredoffighting

All I want to do is sleep to escape life. Too much anxiety about everything. Anxiety broke my brain and now I get anxious about anything and everything. I can’t handle it anymore, just can’t function. Have a therapy appointment in an hour and don’t want to do it because don’t see any end to this feeling anyway.
#Anxiety #Depression #tiredoffighting

Today I had the worst depressive episode. I had to force myself to sleep at some point because I was scared of what I’d do to myself. I felt like I was loosing my mind. I closed my eyes but all I could see was ways to die. I don’t want to die but I don’t want to live this way. I have lost all hope. This feeling is just to dark and heavy to carry. I’m very depressed. I dont know what to do. I guess I’ll just pray.

I just pitched a temper tantrum directed toward my mental health. My husband had to witness it. In the past I cried, but today I’ve had enough. I’m tired of this debilitating anxiety running my life, making feel like things will never be good again. Not sure what to do from here, I’m lying down now because it’s all so draining. I also made sure my hubby knew it wasn’t directed toward him! #Anxiety #Depression #tiredoffighting

I feel like I just can’t catch a damn break. The last month pain has consumed me. Just when it feel like I’m starting to climb out of the hole I get pushed right back in. Falling back into the endless darkness. My efforts feeling futile.

#ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #Depression #Pain #Anxiety #tiredoffighting #darkness #frustrated

but I'm making myself go to a painting class. I've been wanting to do something like this for awhile. I really shouldn't be spending the money and my cats are making it hard to get up. I just hope I don't cry! #Depression #tiredoffighting