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A Snapshot of Chronic Fatigue

Chronic Fatigue sucks guys. Like it really sucks.

I'm on vacation and supposed to be having a good relaxing time. My family is big on hiking so we've done 2 hikes so far.

On the first hike I had to be carried part of the way and nearly passed out multiple times. I then got home and proceeded to sleep for over 10 hours, missing out on all the fun activities my family was doing.

On the second hike I had to stop and rest so many times, my energy levels dropping to zero. The picture above is when we finally made it to the top of the hike, but I was too tired to even enjoy the view. All I could think about was going home and sleeping. I also had to be carried on this hike. When I got home I went and slept 10+ hours missing out on more activities.

This morning, as I write this, I am still absolutely bone deep exhausted. The only thing keeping me awake is my anxiety which constantly like to fight my fatigue. It's a brutal war that's never won.

I dream of having enough energy to make it through the day. I hope it comes soon.

#ChronicFatigue #Fatigue #tiredoffighting


Does it get better? #Depression #Anxiety #ChronicFatigue #Fibromyalgia #tiredoffighting

The past few months have been really tough. I've been dealing with worsening fatigue and pain while staying a new job while studying for the bar exam. The only thing getting me through had been thinking about how much easier and better it will be once in done with the bar. Then I will be able to take care and things will be easier. It's occurring to me now that they dream probably won't happen. Work will probably hit me like a ton of bricks when i switch from part time to full time. I'll still have to juggle my crippling fatigue and chronic pain, and all of the various doctors appointments and therapy that I've been fighting for for months now.

I'm tired. I'm tired of people telling me to take it easy and "find time for myself". I'm tired of having to explain how bad my symptoms are and not having anyone that truly understands. I'm tired of grieving over the things I didn't have time for before and don't have mobility for now. I'm tired and no amount of rest or self care could possibly make a dent in the exhaustion that has melted into my soul.


Diagnosed Found!

The undiagnosed network finally found my issues! Apparently they found THREE genes causing issues which is extremely rare! I have Alpha 1 antitrypsin deficiency ZZ type , along with COL4A1 issueb(kinda like Ehlers Danlos Vascular type) vasculopathy, and BARD1 gene .
Anyone else have any of this? #RareDisease #pulmonaryhemosiderosis #EhlersDanlosSyndrome
#Alpha1AntitrypsinDeficiency #Gastroparesis #tiredoffighting


Can’t get out of the bed

All I want to do is sleep to escape life. Too much anxiety about everything. Anxiety broke my brain and now I get anxious about anything and everything. I can’t handle it anymore, just can’t function. Have a therapy appointment in an hour and don’t want to do it because don’t see any end to this feeling anyway.
#Anxiety #Depression #tiredoffighting

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Today #denial #despair #tiredoffighting

I am 52, estranged from my children, friends, family, have a hard time holding a job more than 3 years, etc. I exist because I am very good at faking it and making it other peoples issue. Until my 24 year daughter was found dead on the side of a road a year ago. Now I live in a state of disillusion and confusion; I get drunk every night and have started smoking. I tell myself that I must keep myself alive for my new husband (we were married a month before she was found) and my surviving daughter. But it's getting easier and easier to just slip away into the shadows.I live with so much chronic pain in my body that I think about leaving more than I ever did before.


Constant thoughts #CheckInWithMe #DistractMe #Depression #Anxiety #tiredoffighting

Today I had the worst depressive episode. I had to force myself to sleep at some point because I was scared of what I’d do to myself. I felt like I was loosing my mind. I closed my eyes but all I could see was ways to die. I don’t want to die but I don’t want to live this way. I have lost all hope. This feeling is just to dark and heavy to carry. I’m very depressed. I dont know what to do. I guess I’ll just pray.


Do you ever just feel angry?

I just pitched a temper tantrum directed toward my mental health. My husband had to witness it. In the past I cried, but today I’ve had enough. I’m tired of this debilitating anxiety running my life, making feel like things will never be good again. Not sure what to do from here, I’m lying down now because it’s all so draining. I also made sure my hubby knew it wasn’t directed toward him! #Anxiety #Depression #tiredoffighting



I feel like I just can’t catch a damn break. The last month pain has consumed me. Just when it feel like I’m starting to climb out of the hole I get pushed right back in. Falling back into the endless darkness. My efforts feeling futile.

#ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #Depression #Pain #Anxiety #tiredoffighting #darkness #frustrated


Not in a good place...

but I'm making myself go to a painting class. I've been wanting to do something like this for awhile. I really shouldn't be spending the money and my cats are making it hard to get up. I just hope I don't cry! #Depression #tiredoffighting