existence

C. D. Curran

I am tired
Please let me rest.
Do you know how hard it is some days,
Just to get dressed?
To fake a smile?
To joke?
To play?
I know you don't get it,
But it isn't like this every day.
I am sore, weary, and worn,
I hurt, in places you cannot fathom
And these feelings!! My gods!
You can have 'em!!!
I know, I know.
Work to be done!
Places to go!
People to see!
Friends near and far, all need me.
But I don't.
Need me, that is.
I don't, and forgetting me, can be bliss.
I still love you.
I really do.
I still need you, that isn't new.
I still love, and can be happy, and can have fun.
But some days, that is much harder to be done.
Believe me, this is not something you can fix.
I know myself, and just need a little rest.
Tomorrow will still come.
I will still be here.
The sun will still rise.
I just cannot promise cheer.
No.
I won't do something stupid, I swear.
Please let me sleep in, I am still here.
You can do what you want, I won't hold you back.
It is nothing you can change, it is nothing you lack.
I am just tired.
I promise.
It is not you.
I just need to be alone for a few.

Cant take it no more
Maybe from outside my life may seem perfect
Inside its all more of a hellhole
I am a blackhole
Not even light can escape
Sucks every positive thing ever inside it
Not a bit of happiness or calm
All you can see is a vast span of nothingness
Oh you cant see it because it seems invisible
But whatever goes near it
Whatever touches it leaves no trace behind
I definitely dont matter to you
But dodging hundred heads everyday i make my way out everyday
I save myself everyday
Try to be peaceful and normal everyday
While its so turbulent inside
A great day for me is when no misfortune happens
And great days rarely come
I shine sometimes
But overshadowed by brighter stars galaxies nebulas
Blinded by their dazzling light
But i still do exist
A hole growing bigger by day
A hole of nothingness by night
A hole of negativity
A blanket of chilling biting snow
The worst of storms
A nightmare alive and walking
Get up everyday fake my existence to myself
While i myself know that i am more of a walking dead
My mind is a rare place only few get to visit
No one who will understand in this world of extroverts
That i cant fake no more
I cant be somebody else anymore
I cant fake laughter cant fake mingle with people cant make friends easily
That you have to try just once more to be friends
Give me one more chance to be your friend
I know black holes are mysterious and deleterious
But who knows you maybe surprised
I want to live too
No help
Actually no one can
.
.
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