fepression

What does normal feel like? And I don’t mean normal like people will say, “Well, who wants to be normal?” People will say that to make either you or them feel better, but it usually does not help. I mean the kind of normal where not every day is a roller coaster. Not every day has its extreme jumping out if figurative plane highs and rock bottom basement lows. Normal isnt saying I’m glad to be alive one minute and then in the next minute saying somebody kill me please and meaning each utterance as much as the other. It’s not wishing you could take the place of an accident victim so they could keep living and you could die instead.

I want to feel like other people feel. I have felt like I feel and it’s not very exciting. It gets real old after a while. I feel like I might as well be asking for $10 million in the bank and to live in a super nice house and drive a real fancy car because those are about as attainable as it is for me to lead a normal life

my last few posts have been about loneliness and this will be as well even though I have not felt as lonely since my last post. here are some of my thoughts about loneliness

Loneliness hurts in a lot of different ways. I believe at times it can be physical. thinking about my ex and I holding hands or the way she’d rub my chest when I needed to go to sleep hurt those areas as I thought about it

You can be lonely and still be around people. Most people already know that, but sometimes I feel like my roommates take offense when they hear I am lonely

I miss sexual intimacy. I won’t lie about that. But j miss general intimacy most. I miss that moment when something cool happens and the first thing I thought was that I could not wait to tell my then wife

that’s just one example. suddenly undone feel like writing. but I will end on this. Loneliness is bad for your health. I honestly feel like my chronic foot pain in my left foot and my phantom pain where my right foot was would be way more manageable if I weren’t so lonely. at least I wouldn’t be concentrating on it so much