Gaslighting:
//To attempt to make (someone) believe that he or she is going insane (as by subjecting that person to a series of experiences that have no rational explanation).
(Merriam-Webster Dictionary)
In other words, to gaslight someone is to invalidate their experience/perception. And eventually, devalue their worth.
This has become a hot topic - especially when talking about toxic, abusive relationships. But today, I want to focus on a lesser known version of it: gaslighting yourself.
Let’s be real here: I have struggled most of my life with the “not-enoughness” thing. And that, that’s led to some pretty awful self-hate talk.
Here’s some examples of what self-gaslighting has looked like in my life:
Exhibit A: Downplaying my own emotions as if I am not worthy to feel them. “I shouldn’t feel that way. It could always worse. I should be grateful”.
Exhibit B: Allowing moments of failure (aka learning!) to overshadow any moments of growth and success. Feeling like I’m an impostor. “I know people say I’m good at this thing, but man do they not see how much of a failure I am. I really suck at this.”
I don’t know if these resonate with you. But if they do, I want you to think of someone you love. And when you think of them, what would you say if they thought these things?
Would you tell them that they have no right to be upset because it could always be worse? Um, no.
Would you tell them that duh they suck at everything, of course they are a fake? Again, not a chance.
Because at the end of the day, we know they are worthy. And because of this, we see the flat-out shame slime covering their words.
And yet, oh and yet...we forget to extend that same love and compassion to ourselves.
I could probably write a book on why that feels true - but truth be told...we are surrounded by culture that tells us we are never enough and must be like little hamsters on a wheel of insanity.
But for real, what would it look like if we started to reframe how we spoke to ourselves? What would it looked like if we chose self-compassion instead of gaslighting?
So in your day, keep your eyes open on how you speak to yourself. Reframe your thoughts when you need to. Continue the rhythms of unlearning the lies and relearning that you are worthy of love as is. #Depression #Anxiety #Selfharm #Abuse
Latest
