I was raised by a narcissist mother with bpd and I think I have bpd tendencies now, along with codependency and c-ptsd (diagnosed).
I left home at 19 after being catfished by another narcissist before catfishing was even a term. It was 1999, and she had me in a relationship with a man I never met, relying solely on her for communication with him (via her ... astrally). She was extremely convincing. But I digress.
I skipped town and landed in the lap of another (worse) NPD -- married him, had a child with him, and barely escaped with my life 20 years later. He told me he'd kill himself if I left and a myriad of other threats which led to a suicide attempt on my part and eventually I left him while he was at work.
I'm now happily divorced, 41, living with my NPD BPD mother, codependent father, NPD BPD possibly bipolar (she isn't diagnosed because she lies too much and sells her medication) sister.
I'm moving in with my SO in another month or so and I share custody of my daughter, who is 8, and gets to decide with whom she wants to stay when she is 12.
My question is, after reading extensively on narcissism and BPD, how does one even begin to heal from this? How do I trust ANYone now, aside from my SO, with whom I've shared so much? I honestly don't know that I even feel anything for my mother or sister now that I know what true narcissism means, now that I see I'm so broken because of my childhood, and how hard it will be for me to begin to grow toward some sense of "normalcy."
So many jobs. So many relationships. So many misunderstandings ... and I still don't fully understand social concepts that come to other people as easily as breathing. And the worst part? Knowing that I might unknowingly be passing it on to my daughter... it devastates me. That is one of the only things left that pulls tears from my eyes. Eyes that used to cry endlessly for other people, people who used to scorn me, because they didn't understand why I cared SO much. Well, now I know, it was because my family cared so little for me.
What the hell do I do with that? #narcissist #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #npd #narcissistpersonalitydisorder #Depression #codependent