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Feeling trapped

I'm terrified of ruining my relationship, but I don't know what to do. The last time we talked, he was drunk, and I tried to do something irreparable to myself. I need help so badly. I graduated and live in a small town, and I ended up sharing rent with my boyfriend and my brother. We all work in the same place. I don't make enough to leave, and the only place I have to go is back to my mom's. I'm so scared of driving away my boyfriend only to end up in the same place I started when I graduated. I struggle with severe emotions, anxiety, and avoidance. Does anyone else relate to numbness and emotional swings, and if so, how do you live around it? I don't know if I can keep going if I find out that I'm a narcissist. It's the worst thing in the world, and I don't know if I can take it. #npd #BPD #OCD #AvoidantPersonalityDisorder

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Fictional Story (You will enjoy this story) Put in the comments what you thought about this story.

Dad, you know the grass out back is really high, if it's not cut soon snakes may hide back there. You know Stephanie I think your right there is a push mower in the shed the key is on the wall in the kitchen why don't you do your father a favor and cut the grass. Daddy, you mean right now? Well Steph the grass is not going to cut itself. Well dad I have another suggestion, why don't you cut the grass?

Steph I am not asking you but I'm telling you go cut the grass. Dad but I am the one who told you it needs to be cut. Yeah, Steph thanks for reminding me. But dad it's 100 degrees outside today. Steph I will bring you the Gatorade cooler and fill it full of ice water. But dad, no buts Stephanie. But dad Roger comes home from college this week he is your son have him cut it. Now Steph you know roger will be tired from his trip and this is his vacation, you don't take vacations because you don't work. Now girl stop trying my patience and cut that grass and shut up about it before I get mad.

Dad you're not being fair, Rogers a boy and I'm a girl. This yard is like a quarter of the size of a football field. I feel you are trying to manipulate me. In the past Roger cut the grass. And you're trying to get lazy and not man up and cut this grass. Steph who you thank you talking to? Dad I can't do this you not the father I once had, Dad I'm 17 years old almost a full woman and I can go live with Aunt Sandy in Chicago and finish my schooling there. Steph you too lazy to get a job to get a bus fare. Dad Sandy gave me the money last year just in case you started trying to work me like your mule or something. So, I will be leaving tonight know questions asked!

Ever since mom died you been emotionally disrespecting me. Well dad that's it aint your little girl know more where you can just treat me like whatever. I'm done! And mom would just tell you to shut, hush up and you would do it to because you are just weak and spineless and now that she's gone you trying to be the big bad wolf.

Steph say another word and I will slap you in your face so hard. Dad, you know what, I don't love you anymore for years now so slap me, and I bet I will slap you back harder and knock you clean over that couch. Try me! Girl, you talking to your daddy like that, you got know respect I give you to 8pm you better be gone and if not, I'm throwing you out of the house, you good for nothing child. Don't ever come back here. Dad, you know what, you talk big, because when I'm gone, we both know you gone break down in tears, because I'm your only daughter and we know how possessive you are over your kids. It's no secret in this town. And I'm going to write my friends back and let them know that you ran your own daughter out of town and told me to stay gone and never come back! (What did you think of this story)? #bpdworld #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #npd #DPD #Autism #ADHD #Depression #PTSD #OCD #BipolarDisorder

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Poll

How did your mom treat you?

29% ●
Yes | My mom has no respect for me as an adult
10% ●
No | Even though I feel I chubby my mom never said it
0% ●
Yes | My mom says I need to go on that show on TLC
14% ●
No | My mom is very supportive of my weight
19% ●
Yes | My mom is overweight and jealous of me
10% ●
Yes | My mom makes fat jokes and points at me
5% ●
Yes | My mom stopped hugging me
5% ●
Yes | My mom said my car is going to fall down one day
5% ●
No | My mom hugs me more than ever before I love her
5% ●
Yes | My Narc mom runs off and leaves me at the store
21 votes
21 votes2 reactions
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Saying hello

Hi - I am Artemis, and I have #BPD , #npd , #BipolarDisorder , #OCD , #ADHD and #Dyspraxia . I'm working up the courage to share my actual story, but just wanted to say hello and thank you warriors for always lifting up my day when things get rough. ❤️

8 comments
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Is there a way to prove to the outside world that BPDs are different than NPDs?

I've met a few Machiavelic NPDs during my life, yet they receive a lot less rejection and are not feared as BPDs are. Is there a way to prove that BPDs are not NPDs and that the perceived danger regarding BPDs is only perceptual? #npd #BPD #CPTSD

3 comments
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Seeing Enemies at Every Turn and I Don't know What's Real

I was raised by a narcissist mother with bpd and I think I have bpd tendencies now, along with codependency and c-ptsd (diagnosed).

I left home at 19 after being catfished by another narcissist before catfishing was even a term. It was 1999, and she had me in a relationship with a man I never met, relying solely on her for communication with him (via her ... astrally). She was extremely convincing. But I digress.

I skipped town and landed in the lap of another (worse) NPD -- married him, had a child with him, and barely escaped with my life 20 years later. He told me he'd kill himself if I left and a myriad of other threats which led to a suicide attempt on my part and eventually I left him while he was at work.

I'm now happily divorced, 41, living with my NPD BPD mother, codependent father, NPD BPD possibly bipolar (she isn't diagnosed because she lies too much and sells her medication) sister.

I'm moving in with my SO in another month or so and I share custody of my daughter, who is 8, and gets to decide with whom she wants to stay when she is 12.

My question is, after reading extensively on narcissism and BPD, how does one even begin to heal from this? How do I trust ANYone now, aside from my SO, with whom I've shared so much? I honestly don't know that I even feel anything for my mother or sister now that I know what true narcissism means, now that I see I'm so broken because of my childhood, and how hard it will be for me to begin to grow toward some sense of "normalcy."

So many jobs. So many relationships. So many misunderstandings ... and I still don't fully understand social concepts that come to other people as easily as breathing. And the worst part? Knowing that I might unknowingly be passing it on to my daughter... it devastates me. That is one of the only things left that pulls tears from my eyes. Eyes that used to cry endlessly for other people, people who used to scorn me, because they didn't understand why I cared SO much. Well, now I know, it was because my family cared so little for me.
What the hell do I do with that? #narcissist #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #npd #narcissistpersonalitydisorder #Depression #codependent

2 comments
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Help..

Why am i jealous of every female on the planet. I am a 21 year old female. I don’t even think i want to be jealous it’s just an uncontrollable feeling and it goes against my beliefs sometimes but i can’t control it... If my boyfriend or whomever i’m with giggles with another female or looks her in the eyes too long i lose my mind. I feel like i’m damaged beyond repair. How can i start trusting people again? I have been tryin to talk to myself to remind myself that i don’t need to worry about things like that, also have tried catching my triggers before hand but it NEVER STOPS. I can’t get it to go away and when i see or hear a female talk it triggers my outbursts and i usually take it out on my boyfriend. #npd #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BPD #SocialAnxiety #Hypertension

6 comments