today is the best i have felt in several weeks.
i woke up feeling so relaxed, carefree, and just happy. simply at ease. i don't know what clicked, but that's unfortunately what happens with my illness. i unfortunately feel to hard and see the world as black and white. i give it my all and care to much, or i feel nothing. the littlest triggers can send me flipping through rage, fear of abandonment, self hatred, anxiety. waves of possessiveness, worthlessness, crying outburs. blank, numb, afraid. bodyaches and fatigue to insomnia. every emotion you can feel, happens. i can not control the flips, as i like to call them. all i know is i am so sorry and just embarrassed after it happens. only my closest friends and family know about this. they have unfortunately see these episodes, weather minor or severe. i know its wrong and unfair to everyone. i have struggled since i was young but it's become worse over the last few years. i am finally learning how to deal with this and getting all the help i can after making a pact with a dear friend.
all i know is, today i felt like myself again. i even danced and sang in the shower.
feeling good is worth celebrating. especially after a long gap of darkness.
#BPD #selfhelp #Selflove #dontbeafraidtoaskforhelp #Itsoktonotbeok #happymomentsareworthcelebrating #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder