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A letter to my #Gooddays (#Depression #DepressiveDisorders)

I remember when i had you. I was more productive. I was happy. You were there for me to help me do more and understand that i can do so much more than i thought i could that day. Organized and driven, you produced results and made me proud to be sharing the moment with you. Although i know we cant spend every day together, i still fantasized about spending the rest of my life with you. Thats what makes days like today so hard, i think.

Today you arent here and i didnt see you yesterday either. My life feels so much worse without your strength and kind touch to my soul, so unlike my #Baddays . They weigh so heavy and are so unkind to every part if me. They make me feel stretched thin, useless, and like im drowning. They tell me so many horrible things about everyone and everything that its overwhelming.

Thats why im thankful for you, #Gooddays . Somehow you've made a small bit of yourself known and present even on my bad day. The clothes i needed for today that i had forgot we had folded and organized just for today were waiting just for me right as my #BadDay told me to be anxious about simply a shower. Its like somehow you knew youd be gone a while abd i would need something, anything, a life raft, to get me through the day, the moment, a minute.

Thank you #GoodDay . Im so glad to have seen you today. Can't wait to see you again.

#Anxiety #GoodthingIhaveanappointmenttoday #Therapy #Counseling #dontbeafraidtoaskforhelp #dontbeafraidtotalk #MentalHealth #PositiveVibes #vibecheck #thingswillgetbetter

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#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder and #CPTSD

I got diagnosed but getting into DBT AND CBT group sessions is a nightmare. So far my therapist is doing the steps with me when we meet but I picked these books up and my god I’m figuring out a lot of my past I should have seen has red flags 🚩 and not just normal behaviour amongst my family raising me, traumatic sexual events,
Etc. #dontbeafraidtoaskforhelp

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Painting some feelings away

I sketched this a couple weeks ago and showed my therapist; he said he loved it and so I made him one. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #dontbeafraidtoaskforhelp


today is the best i have felt in several weeks.
i woke up feeling so relaxed, carefree, and just happy. simply at ease. i don't know what clicked, but that's unfortunately what happens with my illness. i unfortunately feel to hard and see the world as black and white. i give it my all and care to much, or i feel nothing. the littlest triggers can send me flipping through rage, fear of abandonment, self hatred, anxiety. waves of possessiveness, worthlessness, crying outburs. blank, numb, afraid. bodyaches and fatigue to insomnia. every emotion you can feel, happens. i can not control the flips, as i like to call them. all i know is i am so sorry and just embarrassed after it happens. only my closest friends and family know about this. they have unfortunately see these episodes, weather minor or severe. i know its wrong and unfair to everyone. i have struggled since i was young but it's become worse over the last few years. i am finally learning how to deal with this and getting all the help i can after making a pact with a dear friend.
all i know is, today i felt like myself again. i even danced and sang in the shower.
feeling good is worth celebrating. especially after a long gap of darkness.
#BPD #selfhelp #Selflove #dontbeafraidtoaskforhelp #Itsoktonotbeok #happymomentsareworthcelebrating #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder