Response to a post
Of course, I can't now find the post, but it said "its ok to be ok". It hit so many check marks for me. I was unwanted..and somehow compounded that error by being born a useless worthless female instead of the expected son and heir. My mom was basically a non participant in my life, doing bare minimum. My dad was Jekyll or Hyde..for 20 years then I married to escape and ended up in a loveless abusive relationship with a narcissistic sociopath bully, 36 years when he hit me the second time. I tried counseling but before the divorce no one talked about ptsd or cptsd in non veterans. After the divorce, I ran out of money before I could start really healing. So in all my life its never been okay to be okay. I don't know what that will look like, and I am tired of being overlooked, disrespected and disregarded. People have always ( and I do mean always) treated me like a halfwitted dumb blonde..and while I have had moments of not knowing the right thing to do, I am not a stereotype. I am the perfect guardian as I can size up a potential threat in zero seconds. But acting like my best self? I don't know. #Itsoktonotbeok , but I really want #itsoktobeok .