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I had my worst migraine today

I could feel the migraine starting early in the day. It first started with pressure in my head. Slowly my eye sight started to blur. I could feel an increase in tension in my muscles. There was a weakness in the back of my neck. My anxiety started increase and a sense of panic came over me. My balance left me. The floor started to spin.
A couple of hours of rest in a dark room and the worst past. I was left with a headache hangover.

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Lonely and struggling #MentalHealth

I’m recovering from knee surgery and feel so stuck. I haven’t been able to shower without help, I’ve had a bad headache all week, and my partner has been working a lot of overtime. Most days I’m just here alone.

Some close family members are dealing with health issues of their own, and my support system is far away or very busy. I don’t want to keep leaning on anyone, but I feel like such a burden and I’m exhausted and lonely.

I know others have it worse, but I could really use some kind words or encouragement right now.

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I’m new here!

Hi, my name is Zinniaglow45.

#MightyTogether #Anxiety #Depression #loneliness I’m recovering from knee surgery and feel so stuck. I haven’t been able to shower without help, I’ve had a bad headache all week, and my partner has been working a lot of overtime. Most days I’m just here alone.

Some close family members are dealing with health issues of their own, and my support system is far away or very busy. I don’t want to keep leaning on anyone, but I feel like such a burden and I’m exhausted and lonely.

I know others have it worse, but I could really use some kind words or encouragement right now.

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There are many details of my life that I would like to pay more attention to. I feel like we spend so much of our time caught up in what needs to be done that we rarely pause to notice what’s already here. Sometimes, the things that make us feel the most connected are hiding in plain sight, waiting for us to pay attention.

The way my body feels.

I spent a lot of time ignoring the signals my body sends me. I’ll sit for hours on end without even moving a muscle. I push through the exhaustion because my work feels more important than rest. I’ll drink a few cups of coffee throughout the day, even though my body is yearning for water. I’ll ignore eating all together if I’m too hyper focused on something. And I have a hard time treating my body the way that it should be treated—with care.

I know that if I do start paying attention to my body and notice those subtle clues. A tension headache might indicate that it’s time to close the computer and take a step away from the screen. Heavy eyelids remind me that sleep shouldn’t be ignored or put off because my brain wants to continue scrolling. All I know is that if I were to really slow down and listen to my body, I can work with it instead of against it.

The quiet moments.

Let’s face it, life gets loud and hectic sometimes, and it’s hard to find moments to get some peace and quiet. But for me, since my energy runs thin, I really try to have downtown every day. It’s not always easy, but if I don’t take time to just be alone, then I’ll be too anxious and overwhelmed to function. That’s why I relish in the small, simpler moments.

I enjoy moments where I can just sip my coffee in the morning without any distractions, or step outside and bask in the crisp, cool air. Sometimes even sitting in silence and letting my thoughts settle instead of rushing to fill the space with noise. Moments like those are when I remember that sometimes the smallest things, are the most beautiful and meaningful.

The words I use with myself.

This one could use the most work. The way that I speak to myself shapes my mood and my motivation. I have a problem taming my inner critic. It often tells me that I’m worthless, useless, and incapable of accomplishing things. I’m just always so critical and hard on myself that it’s really hard to see the positive strengths that I possess. My inner voice slips into criticism without me even realizing it. The thing is, I always make sure I treat others with the upmost respect, so why can’t I do the same for myself?

I think it all stems from low self-esteem and lack of confidence. I’ve always been very quiet and shy, and it’s been challenging to navigate that in a world that praises loud voices. I don’t feel like I’m accepted in society because I’m so different, and I would like to be able to see myself in the light that many others do.

Paying more attention to the way I speak to myself means slowing down to really notice the tone of my inner dialogue. Instead of letting those harsh words spew out immediately, I can try to redirect them and replace them with more positive affirmations. Like, doing the best I can with what I have, and reminding myself that progress takes time.

I don’t do this as often as I’d like to, but I’ve been practicing speaking kindly to myself. I’ve been holding on to the notion that I’m strong, capable, and worthy of anything. My confidence grows little by little every time I compliment myself or pat myself on the back for doing something brave and out of my comfort zone. It’s all about treating myself with the same compassion I try to extend to others.

The people who show up.

Sometimes life gets busy, and you forget to check in with the people that you love. I know I often go days, weeks even without reaching out to someone. It’s not that I don’t care, it’s just that it honestly slips my mind. I do love when people send me funny memes or messages that remind me I’m cared for. I send some back too and that’s how I know our relationship is solid and that sometimes further communication isn’t necessary.

Gestures like a quick text message might seem small, but they matter deeply. It reminds me that I’m not alone even though my mind often convinces me otherwise. Paying attention to who actually shows up for me helps me focus on gratitude instead of a lack thereof. It makes me really think about who is there for me and who isn’t. And it’s made me reevaluate certain relationship, but knowing I have my people softens the loneliness on hard days.

The details we overlook are often the ones that carry us through the everyday. It might seem like ordinary things, but they’re anything but. I notice that when I show up for myself, I start to live life more fully and authentically.

“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.”-Robert Brault

#MentalHealth #selfcare #TheLittleThings #Life #fyp #Neurodiversity #Blog #blogpost

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Stealing sleep

I have to steal sleep sometimes because my pain won't let me sleep "when I'm supposed to". I'm definitely over it, of dealing with all the health conditions I have but onward I will always go. It is just one of those nights where I didn't sleep. Now it's morning and eventually I'll knock out. Until then, my body is driving me nuts with multiple types of pains in multiple spots on/in my body. Starting with a bad headache all the way to my legs suffering a minor RLS flare and my foot having strong nerve pains,.etc.a flare up from an old injury. When I have multiple pains and when they're a certain level or higher, it prevents me from sleeping...even being still in bed. I can't stop moving and twitching and trying to be restful but I am restless. 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 #RestlessLegsSyndrome #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #ChronicPain #nothingtohelpthepain #handlingitsolo #nobueno #Painsomnia

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Exactly how I felt off my last appointment, but add to that extreme anxiety that made me physically sick to my stomach with the WORSE headache I ever had and feeling like screaming and crying and bundling up in a ball in my bed covers over me and just not participating in life for a bit... That's how I felt because I got diagnosed with yet ANOTHER autoimmune disorder... #autoimmunedisorders #SjogrensSyndrome #InflammatoryBowelDiseaseIBD #Gastroparesis #Gastritis #Colitis

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How Favoritism Shattered My Confidence

Hello Everyone!

I hope all is well. As for me, not at all. I have a story that explains why my confidence has shattered. Without further ado, here it goes:

On Thursday, August 14, 2025 something happened that cut me deeper than I expected. At work, I was overlooked and dismissed in a way that made my self-worth and self-esteem plummet.

The principal recognized and promoted others—some with family connections, some who had only been there a short time—while I was left out, despite my 5 years of hard work and dedication. It felt like favoritism and nepotism were the deciding factors, not effort or value.

I sat there, stunned, feeling like my work reputation and everything I’ve worked for had been erased in an instant. The anger, sadness, and disappointment have been overwhelming. It’s so bad that I had an instant headache and I don’t get instant headaches that easily. Family and loved ones gave me advice—some said to just move on, others said it wasn’t meant for me, and others reminded me that sometimes disappointments are blessings in disguise. But I’ll be honest: I don’t believe that. Rejections don’t always feel like blessings—they feel like pain, like being told you don’t matter, like your effort wasn’t enough. And right now, it feels like everything I worked toward was dismissed in one moment.

I’m writing this because I know I can’t be the only one who’s felt this way—like your worth was decided by someone else’s favoritism instead of your actual work. It hurts. And while I don’t have all the answers right now, I know I’m not alone in feeling this.

If you’ve ever had your hard work overlooked because of politics, favoritism, or connections, please know your value isn’t gone—it’s just hidden under the weight of an unfair system.

I’m still hurting. #Anxiety #Depression #MajorDepressiveDisorder #ShatteredConfidence #Nepotism #Favoritism #Rejection #feelinginvisible #Selfworth #Grief #unfairtreatment #mystory

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Struggling

I thought I could handle scheduling every appointment and transportation to the appointment. Something happened tonight but nobody knows what or why. So I need Pauley to help with this flustercluck. Im struggling to keep track of addresses and contact numbers. Luckily I found the phone number for my pain specialist. Im gonna call them tomorrow. I have to figure out how to call my headache specialist clinic. And I need to call the imaging MRI office out of the same office as my pain specialist and my neurologist.
After all's said and done im sitting here with a really annoying migraine. I just took my meds and I dosed myself with an injection of humalog fast working insulin. My BG when I got home was around 350. After being put on the meds I'm currently taking, my BG has been lower but still high. It's rarely over 300 which I think is progress. Last Saturday morning my fasting BG was 129. That's the lowest it's been in years.
Im trying to plan a very important party and ceremony for me and Pauley. November 21st will be our 1 year anniversary of being together...but even more significant, November 29th is 10 years since we met. You never forget when you find your soulmate. She is the most significant connection I've ever made. She changed my life so profoundly. She helped me become the version of myself that she loves. She says she loves me more than anyone and she's proud of our progress. I know sometimes I complain but she really means the world to me.
We're gonna do a very important BDSM ceremony to establish commitment in the eyes of our friends and community. It's called a collaring ceremony. We're gonna exchange vows of intent and loyalty, she'll put the collar on me, then cake. Because cake makes everything better.
I've reached out for help with planning but nobody wants to help me. And Pauley needs to reach out to the leaders of our community to publicly post an invitation. She claims she's not doing well. She hasn't washed dishes in 4 weeks. She decided to take on the responsibility of washing clothes but she always says later and then it's too late. But she said if I remind her tomorrow at 3pm she'll do it.
All the things she wants to do so we save money requires effort that she doesn't have. I told her it wouldn't work.

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This week is gonna be insane

Today: Pauley has an appointment for lab work. Then I have virtual appointment for therapy at 3pm.
Tuesday: 2 appointments at the headache specialist. First one is for Botox injections in My forehead. 2nd one is to see if the meds are working.
Wednesday: follow-up after the cortisone injections. This appointment is virtual
Thursday morning: appointment with my PCP to address my scalp and face
Thursday evening: virtual appointment with my new dietician to help me fix my broken life.
Friday: sweet oblivion! I want to run errands on Friday, most important is I need a haircut.
But I also want to go out for coffee and eat a bagel sandwich. Just simple fun and productive errands.

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Today

Today is Pauleys birthday! She turned*tries to do math but no luck*a billionty seven!
I've got an appointment with my headache specialist for an MRI. I'm going by myself cuz Pauley is expecting a meds delivery that is suuuuuuuuuper important. So it's probably gonna take 10 minutes and then I go home. Unless they want to talk to me after.
I'm gonna cook a fancy dinner tonight for her birthday . I ordered a GF cookie for dessert and it's coming probably while I'm at my appointment.
My head is pounding. It's almost bedtime. I need to take an eletriptan and 2 tramadol before I go to sleep.
I'm kinda sad but not sure why. My adjustment disorder was quiet for a few days. My cortisone injections helped substantially. But my back is trashed and I need to work on it with my pain specialist.
I just realized I have to schedule an MRI for my pain specialist. Fun times. I got confused cuz I am getting an MRI today of my head. I gotta call the place I go to for imaging. I'll get the results before my doctor. But I gotta figure out how to get the order to them. Maybe I can get my doctor to send it to them.
It's taken 2 hours to type this post. My head doesn't hurt much now. My haunches have some weird kinda pressure but no pain. And my spine doesn't feel like it is being ripped out of my body so that's great. It's one of those rare moments when my meds actually did their job. I wish this happened more often.
People are trying to get me to get back into crafting and art. They want me to start making plushies again. I have about 10 boxes of fabric but I don't have any polyfill. I can get it from Amazon. I just gotta figure out how I can advertise.
I think I'm gonna make a few and post them up for adoption. I might make a birth certificate for each one.
If I knew how to use a sewing machine I'd be making some wicked clothes. I was hoping to learn how to use it this summer.

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