Join the Conversation on
45 people
0 stories
2 posts
Explore Our Newsletters
What's New in

Lying.... #Depression #PassiveSuicidalIdeation #Crisis #hidingmyillness #LyingToGetBy #Masking

The only commitment I currently travel to and physically show up to is with my personal trainer, 3 times per week. (Thanks, COVID.)

On Thursday of last week I got some true and negative feedback from a friend that sent me into one of the biggest shame spirals of my life. I unknowingly hurt her and, through her generous feedback, realized I've been drinking to cover up the super-charged, constant and debilitating depression I've had during this pandemic. I didn't even remember what I had done to her, in front of another friend and acquaintance. Immediately, I spiralled. I am ashamed, humiliated, upset that I hurt someone so important to me and scared to realize this dependency. For days, I sobbed, couldn't eat, couldn't get out of bed and was idealizing death.

The next day I texted my personal trainer and told him I had cold symptoms and would be quarantining: my cover up for, I am in a crisis that is preventing me from showing up... I did something wreckless and irresponsible that hurt someone dear to me... I'm too ashamed to get of bed... I am terrified to acknowledge that I may have a dependency and what that means for my relationships going forward.

I realized yesterday that if I did indeed have cold symptoms, I should continue quarantining for 10 days. Part of me felt relief with this realization - 10 more days of hiding - the other, felt more guilty because that means I have to keep up this lie for another week, at least.

Do you justify lying to cover up your mental illness? Your mistakes? How do you explain absences due to reasons so personal?

See full photo

Started a blog... I started it before finding out I have OCD

Turns out it wasn't just depression..🤦‍♀️ You can see my journey before...during and after finding out I had OCD, i found it was a way to help me deal with some feelings i was having..if you want to follow it's..


If you have a blog talking about your life and dealing with mental illness/disorders please post below..I need more to follow. ❤

#OCD #mental illness #Depression #Blog #ocdblog #talkingitout #hiddensecrets #hidingmyillness #notasbraveastheythink