iam1in4

I don’t expect any of you to understand why I choose comfort for my daughter, nor do I have to explain.

When I first lost Abrianna, I was in A LOT, and I mean A LOT of HLHS “Support” groups.

You see these “support” groups only seemed to support the parents of HLHS parents who had not chosen comfort care for their baby. I got comments like, “your not even gonna fight for her, your not gonna try, your just gonna let her die, your just gonna give up on her?”

Let me tell you my choice wasn’t not easy, no parent wants to bury their child(ren) but no parent wants to see their child stuffer either.

I’ve learned being a parent, means also knowing when to let go. And it was the hardest damn decision I made.

After plenty of research and discussion it with my family, who some also could believe I’d choose comfort care, I made the decision for comfort care.

See, Abrianna would of never had a normal life, she would of never been able to do what her brothers did.

HLHS is NOT fixable, most CHDs aren’t fixable. It’s not. They have temporarily fix’a but it’s not fixable. She would of died. Weather it been at four, or ten, or on the damn operating table getting her first or tenth sugary she would of died. The surgeries only would of prolonged her life for a transplant, but that’s another story.

Abrianna probably had more CHDs, and other issues that played apart in her death, but with my family, and dad by my side; we made the choice of not to do the autopsy. She had already been threw to much.

My daughter DIED. I choose how she DIED. It wasn’t on a damn operation table, it wasn’t alone in her bed at ten. She DIED loved and in my arms at two days old and that’s all that mattered to me.

I have no regrets in my decision. None. I wouldn’t want to live a life like that.

I’m NOT expecting you to understand my decision, I’m NOT even asking you too.

#iam1in4 #breakingthesilenceofchildandinfantloss #breakingthesilenceforhlhscomfortcare #breakingthesilencefoechd #iam1in100 #