icare

I have to stop & just express how much i love & admire all of you Mighty Warriors. So much positivity, support, honesty, vulnerability, consideration. Thanks for sharing your posts - I delight in them. As I do in the strength & courage within you all. #mightywarriors #UnitedWeStand #StrongerTogether #loveyouall

#CheckInWithMe
am and under achieving high achiever with high functioning anxiety and depression conditions. Learning to love myself unconditionally and compassionately. I am an encourager as I choose to see the strength in people even the ones we tend to openly judge.
My goal is to transform my “weirdness”, OCD, narcissistic, introverted, borderline traits into useful and unique aspects of myself. I am not a disorder and I can learn to empathize with the parts of myself that have not served me in the past.
I am capable of learning skills that help me stay present and aware in any given moment. I have the dignity of being able to work and practice engaging others in a way that is validating and self-affirming.
I want people to know that I appreciate genuine direct feedback that is constructive and useful. Please keep in mind that my affect does not always match my internal experiences. It’s confusing but I do empathize and care about others. I sincerely apologize if I appear not to care. Even when I am irritated, tired, angry, aloof,
lonely, or hangry it does not mean I don’t care. It simply means my needs aren’t being met and I have been paying more attention to my internal experiences. “ What do I need to do in order to take care of myself in this moment so that I can help you meet your needs as a team member”.
My journey has taught me to manage my internal reactions instead of paying attention to your needs. You see, I must behave appropriately so I can appear confident and unbothered at work. I can’t afford to blurt out answers or interrupt others when they speak. I can’t afford to embrace my anger because for Black women it can be interpreted as “aggression “ or “disruptive behavior “, it doesn’t matter how calm or assertive the delivery. I understand in this world it’s about survival of the fittest and I will be left behind if I can’t adapt. How can I fit in when I have never fit in?
I have become more aware of the aspects of my personality that are liabilities. I have accepted those undesirable traits and transform them into something more useful to me. DBT is one strategy I use to increase my useful parts so I can connect with the other ineffective parts by understanding what it represents in my life and how I “ need” it for protection.
Once I figure that out me task is to trust God and let it go. Only God knows my destiny and no matter how much I fight for “My purpose” and my way of doing things, Gods Will for my life always prevails. God will allow me to fail and suffer to get my attention. If I stay on my Devine path every small sacrifice will plant a seed for a bountiful harvest manifested as increased effectiveness in making connections with others. Love is the only purpose in life. I can’t genuinely love others until I surrender “My way” to God’s way.
So, my struggle is being consistent with everyday actions that will bring me closer to God.
My routine is my life. I will get what I put in. #compassion