compassion

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I’m confident that when I take my Therapy Pet out on a visit, people will smile and feel joy, even if just for a moment! He helped a little girl this morning who was having a procedure involving needles, tubing and some pushing by distracting her with his gorgeous wee face and calm attitude. My heart swelled as the adults relaxed and the little girl laughed (after a screaming session instigated by the nurse pushing the tubing!) and Jasper licked her face ‘well done!’ # #cofidentdoglove #TherapyPet #compassion #Empathy

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Expired OJ #compassion

TW suicide

One morning when I was planning to kill myself, I stopped at a gas station to get something to stay hydrated. OJ looked good. When I got to the checkout, the cashier said, "Oh look, this is expired. You can go back and get a different one."

You never know what people are going through. I still think about that person with a modest job who was looking out for my well being.

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Mindfulness is paying attention to present moment with beginner mind, kindness attitude, and wisdom 🤗 #loving kindness#compassion #

Mindfulness

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Intrusive thoughts which infect the mind

I have a intrusive thoughts which infect my mind and make it difficult to concentrate. They start the minute I wake up and do not cease until I go back to sleep. I have many hobbies and try to keep my mind occupied but the evil thoughts replay over and over.

When I was physically assaulted over ten years ago I never thought that I would continue to experience flashbacks and trauma from the incident. I have been in fights before and thought it would become another distant memory of something unfortunate. My experience has been completely different and I am stuck in a never ending loop of sorrow and pity.

The attack causes me major mental health issues that I can't move on from. I am stuck in a negative cycle of pain and suffering. The image of the attack repeats in my mind. I see the faceless images of multiple attackers and the fear of reliving the incident is ever present. I am afraid of what's in store for me as I battle to focus on what's important.

It is difficult to describe the incident as it involves anger, betrayal and resentment. The only thing I know for sure is that it leaves me empty and insecure. These people purposefully sought to hurt me and they were successful.

I hate to say it but my mental health has deteriorated to the point where I am miserable. I hate my life and I am aware of the holes I keep digging are damaging me further. I blame my mother and father for a lot of my problems whether it is their fault or not. They did their best but had unrealistic expectations and when I was unable to achieve the impossible goals they had set for me I spiralled in to a deep depression.

This depression has followed me for years and the more I let it control my life - the more pain it causes me. I have never dealt with any of the negative emotions that fill my mind. I bottled everything up and pretended I was fine. I am at the point where I don't see anything improving and I want to hurt the few people I have left.

I really wish I could end on something positive but my life has become a merry go round of pain, sorrow and regret. I hate myself in more ways than one and I need help but the road to recovery is fraught with feelings of guilt and resentment.

EDIT: I am fully aware that my posts are very much a pity party. I am hurting inside and just desperately want to feel better.

#Depression #Misery #Sadness #hurt #Pain #TheMighty #MightyTogether #MentalHealth #feelings #unhappy #Relationships #Friendship #Love #Trauma #PTSD #challenges #Life #Death #advertisy #friend #peace #Emotion #flasback #Lettinggo #scar #regret #compassion #Thoughts #Mindfulness #Anxiety #reserved #Respect #peace

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Compassion

With all the negative things happening in my life I have began to loss hope that things will get better. Finding out I got kicked out of school because people had a vengeful motive for going to the President of the nursing department. Today finding out I need to get another Upper Endoscopy because of my swallowing issue form four years ago making a return. Also, my therapist telling me I don’t have a mental illness was a huge blow.

That hope though was restored today. The hope that there are good people that still see the good in me and care about me. It came from an unlike source, but not a truly surprising source. Let me give you a little background on the person. The person is a nurse at the local hospital, and I first meet her when she was a student. I have had other encounters with her over the years through transferring patients, she was my nurse when I got my second endoscopy and was my dad’s nurse in the endoscopy and then radiation oncology. She has always been super sweet and nice to me hence why it wasn’t a total surprise. The surprise came today when I took my dad to an appointment at the hospital and after he was checked out she came over with open arms and said I haven’t seen you in awhile and have be a big hug. Something she had never done before. Little did I know until after she asked my dad extensively about how I was going and if I was in school. Her hug was not because she hadn’t seen me awhile, her hug was instead a hug of compassion, worry, and genuine caring.

This hug made my day better even though I thought it was just a hug because someone hadn’t seen me in a while. The true impact came after I found out the true meaning of the hug. This person went out of there way to give me a hug when others see me as a horrible person. This hug showed me a level of caring that I haven’t seen since my life started circling the drain. She will never know the impact her gestured had on me, but I hope to one day be able to tell her and I pray that life rewards her with many great things. The thing that is amazing about it is she could easily have done nothing, she didn’t have to show compassion toward me, she didn’t have to be caring or compassion toward me, I wasn’t her patient, and we don’t see each other on the regular. But she choose to act, to show compassion to someone going through a rough time. She is the true image of what a nurse is. She is truly ana amazing person that choose to act when it wasn’t required. I pray I get to one day tell her the impact her action had, but I fear I will never be given that opportunity.

So, Jessica you are an amazing caring and compassionate person that choose not to see that negativity put out there by people trying to tell my story, you instead choose to make your own view of me, a positive view, a view that I am going through a rough patch and just need to know someone cares. So, to you I say thank you and tell you that you are one of the most caring people I have ever meet. I can never repay you or reward you for your action today, but you have forever changed my life. I have always thought you were nice and sweet, but today’s action permanently cemented that for me. I pray I get to tell you one day the positivity you have brought into my life with a simple hug. They say things happen for a reason, well today’s hug came a time where I have been mentally and emotionally beaten down to the point my life is metaphorically circling the drain.

It is amazing how something as small as a hug can have such a huge impact. It amazing how going against the majority and showing compassion and caring toward someone can have a huge impact, an impact you may never know you are making. I have seen this only a select few times in the last 6 months. The first time came from Amanda that I used to work with that still talks to me despite facing ridicule from her coworkers and when her and her daughter got me a birthday present. The second time this happened was today with the hug. She could have easily viewed me how the rest of society views me, but she went against the majority and showed compassion toward me. I think about it and I wonder if with my social anxiety if I would have been able to do the same for another. But, after today and the impact it had on me, I know any future chance I will do the same thing that these two amazing woman have done for me.

#BipolarDisorder #BipolarDepression #Bipolar #MentalHealth #Suicide #Depression #Anxiety #compassion #Bekind

Compassion - Bipolar Tater

Compassion - Bipolar Tater

With all the negative things happening in my life I have began to loss hope that things will get better.
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Growing Pains

Back in the day,

We used to play outside till dawn

Now, we're just another government pawn

Back in the day,

We used to live, laugh & grow

Now, we are forced to work our asses off bro

What is this shit? (mind my language)

Death is a trap to try and get us to submit?

As kids, we couldn't wait to be adults

Now, I reflect and I am like that was truly nuts!

The days when we could cry and be comforted

Childhood turned to adulthood and those days plummeted

Now, we're struggling to make ends meet, Who would have thought, childhood was only a treat

But it's life,

So put away that knife

It is what it is -

God is good, all is his

Better days are ahead

So, go and continue to chase that bread!

#Life #resilience #NeverGiveUp #Suicide #SuicideAwareness #Selfharm #selfharmawareness #strength #courage #bravery #Independence #freedom #freedomwriters #useyourwords #expression #expressyourself #creativity #Deep #deepthinkers #bold #Spirituality #Meditation #Spiritual #calm #Zen #gowiththeflow #liveinthepresent #loa #TheSecret #manifest #manifestation #Positivity #PositiveVibes #GoodVibes #vibes #Energy #YouCanDoIt #Believe #Hope #Care #Empathy #compassion

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