how do I go about describing how I am a complete failure and incompetent right now. I can’t do a d**n thing right. I failed at school, I failed at work, I’m failing in my personal life.
Don’t want to continue being a burden to everyone around me.
I recently left a #PsychiatricHospital after an 8 day stay for #Selfharm , #SuicideIdeation , and #PTSD symptoms like #Insomnia and #Flashbacks .
I feel better, but am still not comfortable being in the house by myself. Before #Hospitalization I started using some of my #anxious energy to make and fix things. I have been in the wedding industry so the items I made were things I knew lacking in that market; and I also upcycle antiques for those who like antique-chic or the rustic feel for weddings or home decor. My husband thinks I take on too much; but I do this on my own time and stop when I’m tired.
So today, my husband is going to play golf with my father-in-law for FIL’s bday, my oldest daughter is working a double, and my youngest has a debate tournament. I signed myself up for a market-show so I would also be busy - but both my #Therapist and my husband tell me that market shows are too much for me (last time I did one I DID have a #PanicAttack because the show planner was very disorganized and the parking area was changed to about a half mile out and I had no help getting everything set-up. Also, I knew I would not be able to find where I was parked when the show was over). All of that won’t happen this time. But instead, I lose the entry fee, I look like a #Flake to the show planners, I feel #Incompetant , and I’ll be alone after all.
I know I am #Bipolar2 (among a few other things), but I have many accomplishments under my belt. This is a tiny thing compared to some of those and I need to feel trusted AND have some freedom here; not be treated like a prisoner in my own home - as if I was still hospitalized. Leaving me alone is even more anxiety-provoking for me.
~ CFO no longer
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